Multiple Personalities Support Group

I cant imagine what ypu are going through and even though your post might or might not be suitable here Im glad you posted. The most important thing is to keep your daughter safe which is what you have obviously done. If your GIRLFRIEN continues with this behaviour are you able to move out on your own. Just remember you are not bonded by a certificate to stay around.

Im glad that your gf will eventuqally get out of this episode. Makes me cringe to hear that her supposable friends are keeping her in that state thinking they are helping her rather than seeing what the behaviour is doing to all those immediately conencted with it.

Hang in there and remember to go out with your daughter and enjoy life in whatever way is cheapest and most fun.

Long term plans are in place already for me and my daughter, if this were to turn permanent then we're already covered.

I figured this wouldn't be too far off of a place to post. From what I understand until recently Dissociation used to be mis-diagnosed as MPD as they're so closely related.

While it's not exactly the same thing, it's close enough to relate too. I can't imagine how anyone would remain friends with anyone that would take advantage of a destructive persona. Especially after the persona's switch and the person finds out what really happened. There's some truly evil people out there that rather than helping or ignoring, try to turn another's pain and suffering for their own fun, games, and profit. It makes me sick just thinking about what these people have done to her and are continuing to do.

Here's a question though that'd be appropriate in this forum. After one "destructive" persona goes on a rampage, what's the most difficult part in rebuilding one's life. I've done what damage control I've could, and know exactly what's needed for the immediate family to heal from this, but what about the person themselves. What's most difficult and what's most important to help in fixing any damage caused?

For example she's hurt many of our friends in this, most (not all I'm afraid) are willing to give her a chance to make everything right again as they accept (if not fully understand) what she's gone though. What helps the most for putting the pieces back together in a situation like this.

As we've been together for over 9 years now I've got a pretty good idea for her personally, but if there's anything at all that would help that we might've missed then I'm all ears.

-Gil

BTW thanks for the welcome. It's been a long 2, almost 3 weeks, and my manners are slippin just a bit lol.

-Gil

Gil, you need to be careful about what you think you already know. You could be wrong. It concerns me that you say that you know, for instance, that she will snap out of it, the right treatment for her, how it will turn out, and exactly what's needed for the family to heal.

NObody knows what is going to happen in the next hour in their own lives, not to mention days or weeks, or what is going to happen in anyone else's life, either.
Things can change and they can change quickly. For better or for worse.

You say your GF has dissociative disorder. That is a very general term, with several different possible disorders falling under that catagory, including DID. There are other possible diagnoses, though, and depending on which one or which ones she actually has, the treatments can be entirely different.

Unless you are a psychiatrist or a psychologist, please let them do the analyzing and diagnosing and treatment plans.

If you want to make things work out with your GF, and it sounds like you do, you need to do what you can to find out what YOU can do to help facilitate that. Get your mind off of what you need to make her do, and get focused on what you need to make yourself do.

I suggest you could get a therapist for yourself, so you can find out some things you might not have thought about or know about yet, that will be more helpful for your GF and for yourself, and your little girl.

Trust me when I say non of what's happening is how I'd want it to or what I think is best. The Cycle she's in has been ongoing for 9 years now, so it's not really a matter of what I think will happen or not, its just a matter of choices of how to continue dealing with the cycle.

We've both known since the beginning what was wrong, but when going for "help" they focused on her on other issue's she never had a problem with. While that might be helpful to a extent, when they don't address the real problem it doesn't help anything in the long run. If I wanted to I could join AA for a drinking problem that never existed "just in case".

This is more than what I think she needs, that's one road I've never traveled on nor would I ever. This is what she's been seeking help for for her entire life and either no one listened, or they simply blamed her for it. Knowing where to go to start treatment is significantly different then actually pursuing treatment/therapy at the right place with the right people. It's a matter of where and how to start rather than thinking I'm going to give her a 1 hour therapy session myself and thinking that'll fix everything. I've never claimed to be the one to treat her, but only that I've finally made some progress (with discussing things with counselors and doctors) in finding out where we need to go with this.

The problem with her dissociation is that it's only a trigger for a cycle of abuse she's stuck in. As far as getting an exact diagnoses, that's something we've been trying for years with different doctors, therapists, etc and non of them are willing to even touch it.

Example - about 4 years ago we got referred to a family clinic to address the depression, anxiety, dissociation, etc that the GF was having. When we got there they spent 2 hours talking about our child, who wasn't suffering from any of it. This was not about child therapy or child abuse at that point and there were 2 different therapists at the intake. They realized shortly after that they made a "mistake" and that they didn't handle it right and even said so. We went back to get my gf some help and guess what, they did the exact same thing. They were drilling her to make sure she wasn't a bad mother instead of addressing her depression and other issues. It just made her feel worse and she got no help from it.

I've been in constant contact with doctors, counselors, child services, just about everyone you can imagine. The fact that she was never treated for what she's suffering is well documented and everyone (beyond myself) agree's the direction we need to take as a family. This doesn't fix things by itself nor is it %100 what has to happen to fix things, but it's where we need to start.

As far as me getting therapy we've tried that over the years. Her therapy's would not do the family therapy as in their opinion the GF was just wrong and crazy. When I went to one on one for myself that didn't accomplish much at all. Getting help for non existent problems doesn't help the situation.

The biggest issue is what she's doing and going thru is the biggest fear of her life. Letting her past take over. She has become suicidal in the past over just the possibility of this happening. If she doesn't snap out of it at best she'll live the rest of her life in her own worst nightmare.

This all got to this point because me and her stopped listening to each other and only listened to the therapists and doctors. Their answer was always she didn't try hard enough and here's more meds. All the doctors do agree on the basic portions of what's going on, they just missed a major factor and never addressed it. It's also well established now that one of her meds is now at 3x's the maximum dosage which isn't helping things at all.

This is a multi-part problem. There's all kinds of things involved and can only really be dealt with one at a time, and that requires going to the right professionals for the right things. For the dissociation part what that is is the trigger for her Cycle of Violence. Since there's never been anything in our relationship that actually would trigger that cycle, she dissociates a situation to create a trigger.

All of this is after years of professional diagnoses, years of conversation, and everyone agrees (even her) on what the problems are, it's just been the treatments that have been "off". I'm not sure how any therapy's supposed to be considered helpful when the "professionals" just takes her money and tells her it's all her fault for not trying hard enough.

Right now there's every chance she could snap out of it in the next 5 minutes, or 2 months from now cause of the meds. At the same time she's destroyed her entire life, has been drinking and smoking and is sitting on a 5 month supply of pain killers, so there is of course more than one way for this to end.

Again, I've never state how/what specific treatment is needed. I just now know where to go as per the doctors, state workers, counselors, etc are directing me too. It's also never been about forcing her to work things out with me as we've discussed separation many times after these episodes, when she comes down all she wants and cares about is having her family and home back though.

On a last note, from the top of my first post - "PS - The lil one is %100 safe, just finished with the last of the legal stuff and the medical/financial is already finished." This also includes any mental health issue's for the child as well as myself. If I'm having unchecked issue's then she's not %100 safe nor would all the medical stuff be addressed.

My only question for this aspect of what's going on was "how does one cope with returning to a life that they themselves have damaged". Everything else has already been addressed a long time ago. My only last question at this point is how best to suppourt her when she comes down.

-Gil

PS - Forgive me if this sounded any harsher than I meant it. This is the second time on DS that I've asked a specific question just to have it bypassed and instead suggested that I wasn't doing enough for my child and myself right now. Me going into therapy while necessary and already taken care of still has nothing to do with the original question. If I had any concern about what to do with/for the child/myself I would've asked that instead.

PSS - I did finally found a Dissociation Group, was a bit hidden, but already going to try that for a while and see if that helps. If nothing else I'll start my own group "Gil's problems" and talk to myself all day lol.

Sorry I couldn't help you, Gil. good luck.