Methamphetamine (also referred to as methylamphetamine or desoxyephedrine) is a synthetic stimulant drug used for both medicinal and recreational purposes (see Legal issues). Metha...
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I didn't feel the need to come here until this week. I've been struggling this week.
Just a brief background .... I had some problems with meth for a couple of years and stopped using Dec 30, 2005. I was (and technically still am) married to someone that is a meth addict. I put myself through outpatient treatment and went to NA meetings for about a year. Then my daughter was born and my focus has been on her. My husband was able to stay clean for a couple of years up until last summer when he relapsed and after 6 months of back and forth, up and down, I finally kicked him out of the house (there were many more issues besides his addiction). Anyway, for the past 8 months while we've been separated, he's gone to jail, gotten clean, relapsed, etc. The same merry-go-round I'm sure people are familiar with. I managed to stay focused on my daughter ... up until the end of May. On a whim, she was with my aunt and I was out with my husband and boom! Next thing I knew I was getting high. After about a week of trying to get it out of my head (the mental cravings), I found my focus again and was fine again until this last weekend. Last Friday it was MY decision ... I wanted to get high. I wanted to escape. And damn, it was good! And while I came down and went back to work on Monday (because I have a steady, good-paying job) ... my husband is another story. He's still out on a run and the thought of what he's doing and who he is with is just eating me up. So not only am I having to deal with the mental mind-f*ck of wanting to get high again, I drive myself nuts thinking about what he's doing. I screwed up and now I feel like I lost my focus and I'm struggling to get it back. I feel like a crappy mom. And the worst part is, I wish I could just run away. I know what I need to do ... I need to not allow him in my life while he's using and I need to try to focus on myself and getting myself back on track, but it's hard. I suppose I just need to know there are others out there that deal with stuff like this too. Posted on 08/14/08, 07:08 pm |
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I thought you might need to read the post
You cant make me clean. Please stop for youself and your kid. Joe 
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I read the post. Thanks. I could totally relate ... on both sides (as a user and as an enabler).
I do want to stop ... the hardest part is knowing that I can't let my husband back into my life right now. I care about him a great deal but it's too much of a risk to myself and to our daughter. And as long as I'm here .... he's never going to hit bottom. He hasn't yet. I don't know what it will take for him to hit his bottom and the thought scares the crap out of me.
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