The drug cannabis, commonly known as marijuana, is produced from parts of the cannabis plant, primarily the cured flowers and gathered trichomes of the female plant. The major acti...
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I am a bad friend atm
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I just cancelled an arrangement I had made with a girl who is meant to be my best friend. She's been on holidays for a year.
I just can't take any social pressure anymore, so I'm avoiding all situations. I feel like if my friends don't understand me, and they don't ever ask how I am or know what's going on in my life, then what's the point. I have to lie about things to them, because I don't want them to think I'm some miserable addict wallowing in her own misery. So I pretend I'm fine, but the problem is that I can never get very close to anyone, because I can't tell people the truth. I hide all the things about me that I'm ashamed of. My friend doesn't understand why I cancelled, it's not about her, it's about me and my anxiety and all my shit. Does anyone relate. What should I do. Am I a bad person. Posted on 07/17/08, 12:07 am |
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yes...i relate. i go through cycles where for weeks or sometimes even months I feel the way you described. I finally feel guilty and lonely enough b/c of it that I start trying to be socially active again. It feels good to be back in touch and I always realize all over again that I love my friends so much, but eventually I end up feeling like the "loser" again so I start to back away.
I really haven't found the "answer" to that cycle. I am hoping that quitting the pot will help. All I can do is wait and see since I am so new to "being clean"...i'm still in withdrawl at this point, so there's no real obvious benefit yet, but I know it will come. As I said, I don't know what to tell you about how to act/handle those feelings, but I wanted you to know that you're no alone, and you're not a bad person. That's one thing I know about myself. I'm all screwed up in the head, but I have a good heart and I KNOW that I am generally a good person. Having these struggles doesn't make you a bad person, but don't take that as an excuse not to make an effort with your friends...it's important to always try, just don't beat yourself up when you fall short. 
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Have you ever considered telling your friends what you are going through hun?
If there true friends they will suport you 100% and if they dont i realy dont think they were true friends to start with.
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I remember experiencing growth as I realized my friendships were not mutual, meaning there wasn't equal give and take in the areas I needed, and it was natural to "let go" because when I did, there was nothing left.
I think as we grow we sometimes outgrow our friends for a time unless they are on the same path. Good for you for looking out for you. It may be a while before things come around between you, if ever. It can be painful to realize our friends we relied on are no longer really there for us because we need different things. It sounds to me like you are learning to be true to yourself and aware and maybe you are not noticing the same in your social circle. I wonder if coming to DS has anything to do with it (I think so). I think as you continue to be true to yourself, the right people will naturally be attracted to you as long as you are letting your light shine.
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anyone just wanna talk about it??
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