Marijuana Addiction & Recovery Support Group

Aww! Don't be so hard on yourself, you aren't pathetic! There are tons of people in this world looking for someone special--nothing wrong with that!

A lot of the time, potheads have a hard time identifying with people who don't smoke pot. It's a social thing like drinking or smoking cgarettes. When I smoked a lot alot--like he mentioned that he was, I know that personally, I withdrew from anyone who didn't smoke in general.

Especially people who know that they need to quit, will have a more guilty conscience about the substance abuse, and make it increasingly hard to feel 'understood' by anyone who doesn't smoke.

That being said, potheads are also synonymous with forgetting things and losing track of time. It was quite normal for me when smoking heavily to 'lose' a week or two at a time. 'Lose' meaning that I stayed so high that my head was in a cloud and I had no part of me that was keeping tabs on whens and whos and wheres.

Part of my motivation to quit was exactly this irresponsibility. I was always late or missing appointments or losing things or forgetting important occasions. The crazy part is that some of these things I REALLY wanted to remember! But in the high world, time has no relevance. This might also be why you haven't heard from him. His time scale of doing things--if it's like most potheads--is much longer than the average sober person.

For example, it would take me usually 3 to 4 weeks (or more) to accomplish something that I would get done in a few days or a week sober.

Sounds like he's has some bad setbacks lately also, and he may feel that he doesn't deserve you or any relationship for that matter. Men have that 'macho' thing going on all the time that makes them hide in a shell when they feel that they aren't being or providing like they should. He may be waiting to hear from you! So, try to contact him...let him know you'd love to hear from him.

If you have already tried to contact him and he has not replied, it is probably either one of two things--he got high and hasn't gotten around to answering, or he's not interested for whatever reason. It could be the way you say 'tomato' or who the heck knows, don't take it personally if this guy does reject you--people decide that they are incompatible with someone else for numerous different reasons that have nothing to do with you as a person--like your taste in music or the car you drive--don't harp on yourself about what you did wrong. You didn't do anything wrong--it's this guy who needs to get his head on straight.

Hope I shed some light!

Coden, I can relate!!!!! During my "stoned" years, I never even had a daytimer. I would lose phone numbers, keys, wallets, and bigger than that, friends. The thing is, I did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. If I saw a pretty butterfly, I might follow it for weeks, blowing off everything and everyone. I hurt a lot of people.

Ellen80, his not calling is not about you. His priorities are not in the right place. The right guy is out there and even though you have an open mind about this guy's smoking, it would eventually start getting to you. You deserve the best and don't settle for anyone who makes you feel less.

I also agree that people who smoke often avoid people who don't because they don't want to be told they need to quit.

I can't get into his head and neither can you. If he is an addict in recovery or not doesn't really predict anything. I recently read a real good book by Greg Behrendt "he's just not that into you" funny and very insightful. Basically you are fabulous and you don't need to waste your time wondering how one got away - you don't want one who'd treat you that way. You may like the book - I did.

Hon, he doesn't NEED you. He has a lover, a best friend, a safe refuge----it's called WEED. Weed addicts don't have access to their emotions---he's too busy stuffing them into a closet. When the closet gets full, and the door won't close anymore---that's called 'hitting bottom'.