This community is dedicated to the relationship challenges that lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). ...
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should I go for it?
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I don't know what to do about this situation, so I thought I would ask advice. 12 months ago thought I was straight (ish, a kinsky 2). Now I think I am a kinsky 6 - and with no current interest in guys whatsoever - maybe its a transition to being gay, maybe I really am bi, I don't know. It all changed when I met a friend from uni and fell for her again. Its over with her now. Things with her, and how things ended with my ex fiance have me a little messed up and confused, though I am dealing with it pretty well and on the whole feling pretty happy with where my life is. Anyway, enough of the background, onto the situation.
I don't know what to do about it all. There is this amazing woman that I have a massive crush on. She is only just coming out, and she has never had a relationship with a woman before. She knows about me, and I think she is kinda nervous about the fact that I am not sure about my orientation, though I think she would be equaly nervous if I were to end up bi... I don't know how to proceed with it, with her. I really like her, she is strong, and determined, and smart and sexy. But I dont want to mess her around either. She was confused about whether she liked me or my ex, we spent the night together (no sex, mostly cuddling). She thought that she wanted to date her, and so I accepted that it was all it was going to be, and it was great, even if the comedown after was hard. Beforehand I thought we could have had no strings stuff, but I know that I want more from her than that. I want the strings. I can't do that with her, because its not enough of her for me. She is incredible and I want to know all of her. I would rather be her friend, walls down, than to try to keep my disance while sleeping with her. Anyway she decided she wasn't feeling it with my ex, they kissed and it wasnt right.. She decided she needed someone stronger, and said that I had opened her eyes as to what she really wanted in a woman. But that she understood that I am still a little messy from the stuff with my ex gf and ex fiance, and that I need time and space. So, here it is. I can't get her out of my head. How it felt to hold her, and be held by her. How intimate and intense it was with her. How much I trust her already with me. Its scary! The problem is I am a little messy, I do have baggage, I am not sure about me, and I don't know where in the world I will be in 6 months time. Should I play it by ear and relax and see where it goes with her? Should I back off and not see her? Should I put friendship bounderies in place? What should I do? Posted on 09/19/08, 05:09 am |
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just go with the flow good luck 
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I say that there are no guarantees in any relationship. Don't avoid one cuz you're afraid it could end badly. Be open, honest and see how it plays out. If she is too afraid she will let you know, but if you really feel you have a chance don't shy away because of the "what if's".
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I really liked it when you said, "I would rather be her friend, walls down, than to try to keep my disance while sleeping with her." I think that is a wonderfully healthy approach to take.
Give yourselves time to learn more about each other. Hang around together, build the friendship and the trust, heal from the messiness of your previous relationships - this will help build the foundations of a strong relationship (friends or otherwise). Wishing you well.
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Sometimes the pull of a particular person is so strong that despite all the logic against it, you go for it anyhow.
I know that feeling, and I went for it, and she is the love of my life. She was my first, and she was very iffy about getting involved with me as I was just out of a divorce and a messy relationship, but we went along, and we are extremely happy. Take it easy, and see where it goes. There is no harm in trying, as long as you both know where you stand. Make sure you develop communication, and try and be really self-aware. Good luck!
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You care deeply about this woman. It is so clear in your post. There is not a right or wrong answer. Honesty, communication, and being able to define boundaries is the most important keys to relationships. You have been able to accomplish all of them! Fantastic!
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