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This community is dedicated to the relationship challenges that lesbian women face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). ...
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My girlfriend....and my kids....
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I have three grown children. The oldest lives in another state with her family, middle child is temporarily staying with me (she is 21, working and going to college) and the youngest lives with his father. My girlfriend has never had a child, or even been around them. She tells me she prefers women with children because we seem to be more giving, patient, etc., yet she has a problem when my kids fall short of independence or disrupt plans she and I have. I dont see my son all that often, perhaps once a month for a few days, so my time with him is precious. She grew up in a family where kids were seen and not heard, so I am sure that my way of dealing with my kids doesnt set well with her. She feels that I should be more rigid instead of being flexible with them. We dont live together...yet, and may never IF we cant blend our lives. Any advise? Suggestions?
Posted on 07/09/08, 01:07 am |
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I would have to sit her down and say, look, you mean a lot to me, but my kids do too. I am not asking you to be another parent because they don't need one. What I am asking is that you respect the relationships I have with them and understand that since my time with them is limited and I want to see them, I may have to rearrange things for them sometimes. That's just what it means to be a parent. I am willing to compromise on a lot of things, but my kids are not one of them. I hope you understand. Then it's in her court and hopefully she will be the patient and kind one and not feel threatened by your relationship with your children. If she is, then it may not be the lasting relationship you originally thought it was. 
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right well first of all i just have 2 say that u dont look old enough 2 have a 21 year old daughter.........& the other thing is i think your girl friend will have 2 try & be more patient but your kids need 2 understand that u also have your own life, yes u should spend time with them, but they r old enough 2 understand that u r entering into another relationship & that u need some time with your girl friend too, its hard 2 keep everything balanced at times & boy isnt it difficult 2 spread your time, i have even less time 4 myself as my 3 kids r still living with me & r still dependent on me, they r 16, 13 & 2.
good luck & i hope it all runs smoothly 4 u all xx
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I have to agree with everything said. She needs to realise that first and foremost you are a mother and children come first regardless, if she cant acccept that, then you have an issue. Talk to everyone together. I say this from the kids point, as a mother you should have to make a comprimise
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I was worried about that whole issue when my partner moved in. My kids were 6 and 9 at the time. She had plans and ideas of how her life would be and never had planned on kids.
It took her a while, but she adapted. There are still some issues in certain areas, but she loves them to bits and talking about it was a big help. Open discussion is the key. Good luck!
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