Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who ...
|
JUST FRIENDS
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm not sure where I fit in in any of these as my story seems to be so different from many. I had some serious trouble in my marriage before any of this happened. Suffering from anxiety and depression, and trying to deal with a cancer diagnosis(over a year ago, but didn't deal well.) It made me a horrible person to deal with and I was hateful and yelled alot. Even at my kids. One night as I sit here at home my phone rings and it is this man telling me that my husband is leaving me to be with his wife.? WTH?????? i go to H work hysterical. Talking to him on the way there and at first he acts like he doesn't know who she is, then he has talked to her, then he's talked to her about her marriage and how unhappy she is. He was just trying to be a friend. Tells me that he doesn't know if he wants to work it out or if he loves me enough. Tho I had threatened to leave many times in the last 6 months and he ignored me, this was just unbelievable. I loved him...this was all my fault. We talk and a few days later they decide they are not going to talk anymore and he all of a sudden loves me again and is willing to work things out even offered to go to a counselor.
Supposedly they never met or anything to be together, just friends....I talked to her and she told the same story, tho I think it is a lie. the phoen bill just pissed me off as I had emailed him a million times and he wouldn't even respond to me...begging him to pay attention to me and find some time to talk. But he just kept ignoring me, so I threatened to leave hoping that he would come around. I guess he found a different way to deal with things huh? Part of the problem is that he doesn't really think he did anything wrong. It was just a friend. He knows they shouldn't have talked so much..but they were just friends and he was supposedly listening to her talk about her marriage. i told him that there was more to her giving all this info to him than he would like to admit. This went on for about a month. The last 2 or 3 weeks tho, there were calls every morning, first thing and every night around bedtime. That hurt.. i felt like those were good morning and goodnite calls. ended up being like from 5 to 10 calls a day between the two of them. and 20 to 30 texts. yes, he talked to me but he has to we work separate shifts and have to make arrangements for our kids. i do love him very much, I can't honestly imagine life without him. But can I tell you what I told him? I told him"this affected me almost as hard and as bad as when I got the cancer diagnosis" how do I get over the fact that HE caused me that pain? I am still in limbo. I love him, but I hate him. I kinda believe him, yet I guess really I don't. i want to be with him, but don't know how to get over the anger and hurt I feel. I just don't understand and I don't know how to handle it. He just wants to go on like everything is fine. But I am not fine. And i keep saying maybe it is better if I leave, and then he gets mad and says I thought we decided we would go to counseling before we made a decision like that? WE DID NOT MAKE ANY DECISION????? so anyone else have a "friendship" short lived that they would care to share Posted on 09/26/07, 10:09 pm |
| 8 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I see all sorts of red flags there. The fact that she was discussing her marriage problems with him is a BIG red flag. I have seen it happen too many times. Sharing something like that with a potential new partner just makes me want to scream. She should be talking to her own husband and not yours. You've been dealing with a lot. You can't force him to work things out, though. If he's willing to go to counseling, then please do it. You probably need it after all you've been through. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
What you are feeling is real. They had a secret relationhip, it was very close and you and her husband felt/feel the threat strongly.
As soon as possible read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. It will help you not to feel so crazy and if your husband is willing to go to counseling, he might be willing to read it also. He may be waiting for counseling to open up, some people feel better with a counselor present. Try to stay calm and dont make any decisions just yet. You are experiencing shock from the traums. By the way, coping normally and falling apart over a cancer diagnosis is NOT a betrayal of your marriage vows. You are not to blame for anything. Your husband may believe that unless sex occurs it is not an affair but deep down he knew...really knew..what he was doing was wrong. Otherwise why hide it? Did he make those telphone calls in front of you? NO. Did he text in your presense? No. He lied by omission because he KNEW it was wrong! He may never admit it, as Jay has said, you cannot make him. Just read some books, see the counselor and proceed from there better prepared. Be gentle with yourself.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore | ||
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
My situation was very similar to yours...we are still together (just over a year now since I found out), and I wish I could say that we were happy together--I suspect that my husband is not happy in our marriage, though he would not be truthful if I asked him, and I am definitely not. Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can keep doing this...anyway--you can read my journal to see the similarities. Lately, I've been thinking that he's (one) either talking to her again or (two) has found someone else to share his bad marriage with. I do know one thing--stick w/your gut feeling! I wish I had before when I suspected something, but I asked him a couple of times if he was interested in someone else, and he said he wasn't. Only he was--and I wanted to believe him. This was so out of character for him...
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Yup lots of red flags. I see them too. What seems really odd to me, is that I am alot more alone than i thought in this. It seems that not may people have actually went thru this situation. Most of these seem like more physical affairs. So maybe an affair isn't the right word for this and H is right. i expected alot more feedback. But it seems that once again, he has managed to do something very unique......
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
“It seems that not may people have actually went thru this situation. Most of these seem like more physical affairs. So maybe an affair isn't the right word for this and H is right. i expected alot more feedback. But it seems that once again, he has managed to do something very unique......â€
Not really unique at all. Loads of information online - here are some links http://dailystrength.org/component... http://divorcesupport.about.com/od... http://www.lifescript.com/channels...:3:c646ea61c0f1ccdfe6eda6f2e2ab7219_561331865:AQUOn0GvMUMAAC6glYcAAAAL:20071001043811 I have been through the hurt of an emotional affair. Unfortunately even though he said it was over, it wasn’t. He just became sneakier about seeing her.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I havn't been on for a while,but i know what you are going through.It is a year ago that i found out about my H EA.You can read my journal for details.The secrecy the lies,he didn't tell me because he knew i would go mad knowing who she was.He confronted her via e-mail in front of me ,to put things right.the not knowing hurts like hell and i don't think you will ever forget,but you CAN HEAL,IT WILL TAKE TIME.I still hurt now,but the love and devotion my H shows me does help.
I still look and watch ,and i keep a diary of everything i.e what time he goes to work,comes home ,where we go times places.Try writing it down to keep track. If he wont listen to you or dosent understand how you are feeling then send him e-mails that you will find everywhere about EA and how they can be worse than just a quick drunken s### and also write down how you feel,and keep shoving it under his nose until he reads it.I did and eventually he read them,and began to understand just what he had done to me.He told me and i believe him,that he never took responsibility for anythihg(he never grew up he was happy go lucky)until he realized what he had to lose...he knew i meant it when i told i would leave. He tells me everyday how much he loves me,we are in contact all the time.The trust,well thats another thing don't let your guard down if you think there is a possibility that it could or is still going on"it will be hard for you now" but as time goes by and you get your mind clearer as i have now,they will start to relax.Let them think you are totally ok,but keep watching and looking all the time.That i am told is when ....if they are carrying it on you will catch them out.You can go over the inconsistencies in your head while you are blue in the face,i know,a lot of what he said does not and never will make scence or add up.God knows the things iv'e asked him over and over again and each time a different story.Like it's been said you have to make your own mind up,and believe that or you will just drive yourself mad i know. We are not there yet but we are both trying,but just one last word....Think long and hard about being alone,not just away from the hurt but really being alone,imagine what you have to lose.i do. It will never be the same be ready for that,some say it is better...yes you can become closer more loving....but i will NEVER look at him in the same light again my rock has crumbled. Take care thinking of you all.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Yeah, I think hes lying his ass off. My ex fiance pulled the same shit on me. He didn't know her, wait she was his friends girl friend, wait, he thinks she was someone in class, ok wait, he helped her with homework, ok ok ok he drove her to school, he fucked her, he didnt fuck her, he fucked her. Whatever. Hes a lying ass. And, I fear that your husband is doing it as well.
I think you fear that too. I think that may by why you are so stuck in your emotions. My ex NEVER told me the truth, ever.
|
|
|
|
||
Hello, I am new here and am hoping to find someone who can maybe relate in some way to what I am going through. I was …
My story is my husband has had 2 long time friends (from even before I met him) that he has emailed/texted/talked on …
Okay, two days ago, (after working a 12 hr night shift and my STBX stayed here with the kids), I found the OW's number …
