Infidelity Support Group

NH,
What I have been told is that it is partly because the woman is competing out of her "league" and is therefore so "grateful" she makes him feel superior to her. He gets a lot of undeserved attention for being better looking, smarter and more financially stable than she. Some actually stay with woman who are drug addicts or on welfare with fou kids from four different men! Most just enjoy the high of feeling "better than" somoeone. Feeling "better than" the woman at home is impossible, after all. maybe that is it?


I dont understand either. If I am approached by someone who is clearly not interesting or attractive to me, I dont consider it a compliment. I feel as if there must be mutual attraction and things in common in order to consider someone for a date!

My H's OW was not at all attractive or feminine or smart. She was huge and tough and walked like a man! But, she was narcissitic and thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread! She has a My Space and she writes at the top, as introduction, "Smarter than the average bear...and human! Maybe because she thought she was all that...he did too?"

Nave is correct. Most men who have affairs are looking to feel superior and have there ego stroked and an unattractive woman are easy prey for them. A lot less attractive women have self esteem and insecurity issues and will more easily fall for the charms and the lies a married man pours on.I have noticed that the majority of affair do involve a woman who is far less attractive than the wife. Not always but most. Woman who have affairs seem be be more picky about looks. The ows in my case have all been extremely overweight and ugly. I say that not to be mean or disrespectful, its just a fact. I have also noticed that the ows in my case are desperate and lonely, and will believe the lies told by my H (easy prey) Its actually quite sad.

Nave
same here. SHE is VERY arrogant. Even after D day, she was so sure that he would come back to her, she tried for months to get him. She was absolutely floored that he let her go. Someone else on DS who corresponded with her told me that she was VERY arrogant and thought she was better than AND smarter than everyone else.

But its tough to know that I was rejected for the likes of her. Now i really believe in 'the fog'. Something had to be wrong with his vision to lie with THAT so many nights.

Well Just this week I found out what My H was talking about when he was calling me "controling" He was talking about when I voiced my opinion,lol Like thats gonna stop :)anyway why I say that is. My H wanted easy(whore) and meek. Someone who would treat him like king of the castle for his fantasy.Because believe me I will never live or be with someone that controls what I say or I have to be afraid of what I say.I don't mind giving respect,but its has to be earned. But if I have something to say I WILL say it and if I think he is wrong we should talk about it.My mouth is too big for that. :)

Another thing to, Why are they always crazy bitches? The one H had a affair with was a stalker. Trust me she DID NOT stalk us,lol I kinda Scared her instead. lol

Thats true in my case also OW, a lot older than my husband, psycho/stalker and unattractive

The OM in my own instance is pretty good looking, at least I think so as a straight man. I guess that makes my STBX the overweight whore that strokes his ego. Wow that actually makes sense.

Nave awesome statement! It's true the whore couldn't get a man like mine that was single as she just isn't worth it and she wanted him so badly she made herself out to be something she couldn't keep up with for very long. Hense the restraining order from the freak she is.

I love you needhelp62!

I think every situation is different and I don't think that the physical appearance is always the reason. In my situation the OW tried to become my friend and help me in my time of need. Unfortunately I did not realize that the OW was working me - spending hours upon hours telling me what I wanted to hear - boosting my ego - acting like we had so much in common. I was never physically attracted to her. She was not may type at all - could never measure up to my wifes beauty and attractiveness. Unfortunately, I got in too deep before I realized what was going on and the OW could not keep up with her acting. I saw her for the fat, ugly, nasty, lying, whore that she really was. I made a huge mistake. My wife is truely my type - physically and emotionally. She is everything that I could ever hope for in my life. I lost site of that when things became extremely rough and we had stopped communicating. I am extremely sorry that I let her down. I love you Tweedsie.

Everything that Tweedsiesman said is what my husband says happened..the OW in my case is olser than me, heavier, not as attractive and had been around the block for years with a variety of married men from her office...she started having affairs with married men right after getting married...30 years ago!
she pursued these middle aged nerdy guys with very explicit sexual come ons...flattered them to death and never ever brought any reality into their time together..never discusee her family ..his... just a big ,sick, kinky drunken party... and for the guys it was an escape from whatever was bothering them at the time (the drinking was a big part of it) and for her...she needed the constant attention...I guess she thought because theses guys let her give them BJS that meant they really liked her!she would flash her breasts in the office, show her thong... (this is a 50+ year old woman) yuck!
so..my drunken husband got tangled up in this mess....and yes, I finally do believe him when he says that like Tweedsies husband he never stopped loving me or respecting me..in his fog he thought that this was just something on the side that didn't effect me or his family...and besides he would end it soon...just this one last time...