Infidelity Support Group

I think alot of that is coming from the fact that the two of you haven't dealt with this. I am getting from your post that you just swept it under the rug and now the subject is taboo. You have to get it all out in the open and he has to let you vent your feelings. He will need a shield for sure but that is what has to happen before you can move past this. Otherwise those feelings of hatred and resentment will just keep festering until finally it explodes or you implode.

Talk it out - go to counseling - do whatever it takes, but get it out or it will eat you alive.

Thank you all so much for the really great comments. I will take all of this information to heart and try to work things out. Thank you all so much for your kind comments and support.

yes, I have been there man Avalon oh man I couldn't stop laughing after I read your comment...I wanted to hurt him and months I mean months after this happened he was still mr. macho... Oh man that just made me blow up one day and just say every freaking horrible feeling I felt and from then on I felt wayyyy better. Yeah My husband didn't wanna talk about it. Then when I finally exploded and he had no choice but to hear it he wanted to just leave and take the easy way out. Well, the house got tore up and he (promised) to divorce me, but I think that was the worse it got. From then on it got better and now we can talk about it as long as I don't explode. : )by the way he tore up the house not me he couldn't handle the truth.

I am laughing at the responses that this got... I have a question for the woman in this did you slap your husband across the face when you found out like a movie? I think about that now and I didnt and man do I wish I did...you think its too late to do it now? I screamed yelled everything told him if for a moment I ever felt betrayed or hurt again I will take his son away and everything else i can think of that will hurt so bad. Outside you kill me with the snoring we sleep in seperate beds now because his snoring is unbearable. My H chews and makes that moisture sound with his chewing he doesnt chew with his mouth open but its almost as bad like a cow chewing cud ugh I want to choke the shit out of him after Dday anything I mean ANYTHING he did I told him get away from me because I was going to hurt him with something.....
Anyone see War of the Roses??? Kathleen Turner and Michael douglas...She says everytime I look at you everytime I hear you I just want to bash your face in. That was the best line!! but thats how screwed up relationships can get huh??

yeah that movie was crazy and only saw parts of it. LOL I remember when I felt that way and sometimes that old feeling kicks in, but i do my best not act on it.

Yeah, my STBX and I aren't living together since she really had no interest in working things out. When I still see her though I have to agree with JinnaD, she looks like an entirely different person to me. We were together for 12 years and every day she looked as beautiful to my eyes as the day we met. I thought she was the most wonderful woman in the world and I was so proud that she was my wife. Now when I look at her I wonder why I ever cried and begged for her to stay with me. All I see is a used up old whore.

In reference to what mjb33814 said: unfortunately, no I did not slap his ass when I found out, I was in too much shock and disbelief, but I wish I had! And no, I don't think it is too late, it's never too late! I have seen the war of the roses, just never thought I would turn into that! Pretty sad....

Yes... on a daily basis... all of the above and it's approaching a year. I won't be able to do this much longer. It's really taking a toll on my metal health.

I read the transcript of an interview with Shirley Glass the author of Not Just Friends (my bible for a while). She said that it is very important for the couple to talk about the affair so that they can begin rewriting their history together to include the affair. It is the only way healing can take place. She said that many couples actually have private jokes about the affair. My H and I actually do this. Apparently the OW would regularly correct his grammar and in particular one mistake that many people routinely make. Now when someone makes that grammatical error we laugh and correct them. Then we have to explain that it is a private joke.

I am certain that I would have felt that way if my husband had refused to allow me to express my feelings! I did not ever think about hurting him except emotionally as he had hurt me.

He did not always listen or respond to my questions but he saw my need as legitimate and he sat down and went over everything...a little at a time...until I was satisfied.

His validation and attempts are what caused me to consider and decide to stay. Had he blown me off for needing to know what happened in MY MARRIAGE, I guess I might have wanted to kill him. It was often like pulling teeth to get the truth out of him, I explained why it was important to me, showed him books that agreed that it was necessary and ket pushing. I dont resent him now. I no longer loath myself for not doing anything either.