Infidelity Support Group

Oh yeah. Sometime I hate what he has done to me and hate him for it. He won't even help me heal. Other times I miss what we had and want it back. A roller coaster ride.

Ditto! Sometimes I look at my husband and I wonder who he is--what he thinks--because he lied to me for 10 mos--he looked me in the eye and lied. Then when I found out about the OW, he still lied to me (supposedly to protect me from hurt? NOT)--until I found emails between them. He made me think I was being ridiculous for feeling that something wasn't right. It is a weird feeling now--this may sound corny, but before I found out about his emot. affair, I couldn't really see him objectively--I LOVED him, and yes, I'd get upset w/him for various things, but that was different. Now it's like a veil has been lifted, and I see him differently--I see weaknesses in his character that I didn't see before. I used to have the greatest respect for him but not now. I no longer trust him. I do still love him, but often I feel like I am pretending,

Absolutely! Will never have the same feelings for him as I did before. I've resigned myself to this and accept my feelings because I don't want a divorce...too much to lose.

Yes. I had visions of sticking a knife through his eyes because he was eating his cheerios wrong, or ripping off his face for smiling.

In the end, his lies and welp- him cheating on me to begin with ended it. I still hate him though. I have to work on that whole resentment part. but hurt over it anymore? Nah. What for?

Oh my goodness, JinnaD has spoken the words right out of my mouth. Our stories are identical. I always look at him and wonder who are you. And we are much better, but if I bring up anything dealing with the A he will get quiet and reserved. I have back and forth thoughts most of the day. But yes I am still pissed at him !!!!

When I think about the cheating, I wanna stab him in the face. But then I remember prison orange isn't really my color.

JinnaD...Ditto. He is no longer a real man to me. He is a weak man. Weak in character, weak in mind and weak in spirit. I will never feel the same about him. He wants me to love him. He just doesn't understand the resentment I have for him. I don't think they truly understand what an affair does. They can't have the feeling. If they did, they would never do this to someone they say they love.

Although you have been betrayed, your feelings of love don’t just shut off. You may love your H. but right now you don’t like him and when you don’t like something you want to get rid of it. It may sound funny but just like a bad gift someone gives you, if it’s ugly and you really don’t like it, you want to get rid of it but you don’t want to hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to you. You don’t need to question your love for your H. if you’re working at saving your marriage; you need to find a way to like him again! And trying to like something that you find ugly (his actions) is going to be difficult.

I haven't felt that way lately but as recently as a month ago I thought I was going to strangle my wife...seriously. There were several days where I'd get out of bed because I could see myself reaching over and hurting her. My therapist said this is fairly common...a defense mechanism.

I also thought about hurting my H for quite a while after d-day. One night he was snoring and I told him to get out of bed and go into the spare room to sleep. I know he thought I was being a b***ch. The truth was, we keep a bat under our bed and I was thinking about grabbing the bat and smashing his skull in if he snored one more time. The thoughts were getting a bit more extreme and intense with semi-plans etc. I just thought he needed to get the hell out of that bed where i could not hear his snores. I told him later what was going on in my head. I don't think he believed me at first. Then one day I told him I thought he was going to snap and kill me because I couldn't "get over this". He started crying and saying; " how could you think I would want to kill you? how could you think that?" I told him; "easy, I fantasize about killing you all the time." He was so completely shocked. I remember thinking, how could he not know that, how could he not know how messed up I am by all of this. Then it hit me, the same way I did not know about the adultery. It was a sad moment for both of us. The good thing is that this can all fade. The trauma, the drama, the weirdness. It does get better. I hardly ever plan a murder these days, just kidding. I am now doing ok, we got help, our marriage is in recovery, we are in the process of planning a vow renewal.