Infidelity Support Group

Absolutely, and tell him about it. I did and it made my H stop!

SusanY, I am for what ever works.

Think about what that says about you though. You must not think that affairs are really that bad if you have one yourself. So he might as well go have another one since you don't care. You loose the moral high ground, and you'll downward spiral. And think of being the OW. Do you really want to be the OW?

Cheating is either fine or it's not. It can't be both.

If it's revenge you want, get a lawyer and take his money. ;)

I read your profile and you say its been one year..

I first can tell you that around this time, alot of things come back and its a very difficult time.. however once you can get past this point, often things can get better.. Of course everyones circumstances are different.. and we all handle things different..

However, i can tell you that once you have committed to rebuilding your marriage, then it would be unfair of you to then go back on your word and have an affair of your own.

Do you think this will actually make you feel better.. Do you understand the complications it could bring.. And could you look yourself in the mirror after going through with it.. ???

Also, what about your family.. Do you have children?? What effects if any would it cause to them..

Im not saying that I blame you for feeling the way you do.. Im just asking you to think about these things..

Many times when the woman has an affair as revenge, the H winds up not being as forgiving as the wife was when the H had the affair. I would be prepared with the fact that he would want to divorce you if you did have an affair. Is it fair or right? No, but having an affair out of the sake of revenge is wrong. An affair is wrong no matter who does it or why.

I think of revenge sex all the time. I also wonder if it would help me heal.

I understand what you are saying, I have always thought that " I will get him back" or revenge cheating would be so much fun... but what is wrong with this thinking? It is the fact that you are stooping to his/her level. You are doing exactly the thing you are judging him/her for and condeming them for, you become just as bad as they are... you are no different. Does that make you feel better about yourself? Like my husband said when I told him that I wanted to "go out and have some fun" he said....."It won't make you happy in the end" and I truly believe he is right. But I still am tempted just the same....

NO, If you lower yourself to have an affair for revenge you not only add to the pain and trauma but now you become exactly what caused you so much pain, a cheater and a lier so your self esteem becomes even lower. What a horrible cycle of abuse on both sides. I guess some could do it and not think twice about it. But for me it would be lowering my own dignity and beliefs and end the end I think it would hurt me instead of help me. Just my opinion. Also I might add that if I were to have an affair I think that would just give my husband an excuse to justify his actions on his affair. Its a no win situation.

Very good points Johnna.

2 wrongs make just that, 2 wrongs.
I know many of us here toyed with the idea, but I think it would create more sadness and confusion. I believe wanting revenge is a natural reaction to being betrayed. However, the irony in revenge is when we seek it, we not only hurt the person we intended to hurt, we hurt ourselves more.
Personally, I think it would never even the score. It will not undo what your partner did. It will never make take the pain of betrayal away. You will still have of all those negative feelings, but you will add to the negative feelings with even more pain plus guilt.