Infidelity Support Group

Just because you forgave your husband doesn't mean all is well or it somehow erases what he did. IT DOESN'T. Forgiveness doesn't mean that things just snap back to normal, the way they were pre-affair. The reason he doesn't want you to bring it up is because he feels bad and guilty- which he well should. I think that talking about it and bringing it up when you think about it makes you feel better and is a healthy way of working through the problem. Much better than stuffing it. Your husband needs to support that.

As far as him being friends with another woman, that's your call. I personally think that male/female friendships are healthy as long as they are kept strictly platonic. However, if he cheated WITH her, no. That's inappropriate.

What I wonder though, is why you just found out about the two of them talking. Why would he keep someone who was "just a friend" from his wife. Especially when you two are trying to rebuild trust in your relationship. I would be cautious. Sneaking around is what he did during the affair.

I have to diagree with a husband having a woman friend,as it can turn into an emotional affiar in a heart beat. Now if she was "just a friend" WHY COULD'NT HE INCLUDE YOU IN THE FRIENDSHIP? Thats the part I can't that makes me wonder. He shouldn't be treating you any different either. So hon listen to your instincts. I didn't and well lets just say I paid for it.

Forgiveness does not mean that you don't still have trust issues or scarring. Even if you've forgiven him, the damage, psychologically and emotionally, is still done.. and takes a long time to heal. Maybe you should try looking at the root of your feelings. Explain to him that his cheating has effected, for example, your self esteem or self worth, trust in him, security in your relationship... whatever.. and that these things will take a while to heal and, until they do, he needs to help you. And if he is really sorry for what he did, then he will. My husband knows that my trust in him is horribly damaged and he leaves all of his online conversations up for me to read and he lets me read his email and text messages and such.

I'm not supposed to have female friends anymore? Ever? I've forfeited my right to friends? It's a good thing I'm not bi-sexual, because I'd never be able to talk to another non-family member ever again. Just something to ponder. (And, yes, I'm being nice, just posing some questions to think about).

" I'm not supposed to have female friends anymore? Ever? I've forfeited my right to friends? It's a good thing I'm not bi-sexual, because I'd never be able to talk to another non-family member ever again. Just something to ponder. (And, yes, I'm being nice, just posing some questions to think about). "


That's right. You forfeit quite a bit when you decide to cheat. You have to understand the emotional and psychological damage that you have done to your partner. And in order for them to heal then you have to be willing to make sacrifices. After all, you sacrificed heir emotional and mental well being when you cheated.

that is actually one of the conditions I imposed on my husband no female friends. Sure he can say hi, but there is no way I'm ok with him going for coffee or hanging out alone with another woman. That is what got him in trouble in the first place.

Chrissy3228 you need to put your foot down your husband is being mean, he is treating you different from before and refuses to answer your questions about the affair? He is the one who hurt you not the other way around, he doesn't get to decide when the conversation about this is over. If he is not remorseful he hasn't learned anything. As far as what if the friendship with the OW is just platonic 1) that is how it starts especially talking about problems at home, he should be talking to you about that. 2) the other things he is doing or not doing are reason enough to be angry. Go with your gut girl, you have a right to your feelings and to be treated with respect. Hugs!!

When I read this, I thought I had written it.
My husband and I have just in the last few days been talking about things.
Come to find out, he was having an affair with a woman named Sue at the same time he was having an affair with my best friend.
He still talks to Sue, I just found out.
I know he will be with her again.
Makes me so sad. I thought we were through with all the crap and infidelity.
Turns out, it is still possible for him to crush my soul.
He assures me that he loves me and wants to be my life partner, but he won't give up his relationship with Sue.
All I can do at this point is pray.

No, I don't think it's possible for a man and woman to be friends after they have had a relationship. If he is still talking to her, he is still making plans to do more.
If it's a NEW friend, it's obviously a new INTEREST.
I have had to face the harsh reality that I'm married to a man that is incapable of being faithful.
I no longer fear death. At least, when it comes, the pain will be gone.

stayingalive, why are you still with him if he won't even try to be faithful? I mean, if you're trying to fix things (as a lot of people here seem to be doing) then that's one thing. But he doesn't seem to be trying to fix anything. He seems to be planning on cheating again?

I just wished that my husband seen things as we all seem to do!! And, yes I firmly believe that the new girl he was talking with would have turned into a relationship had I not caught on to it. I know my husband and he is the type of guy that can NOT have a girl FRIEND because he is too quick to develope feelings. I know that obviously something besides being friends were going on because if there wasn't, why would she have gotten mad when he told her that he could no longer talk to her??? And he told her that I had found out about her, and that I thought there was something going on, and he was afraid he had ruined our chance at marriage! Now, if I were "friends" with a guy, and his wife found out, the FIRST thing I would do would be to call his wife and tell her the way things were. Why can't she do that?? She ignores my every attempt to contact her. And something else that doesn't sit well with me is that she blocked her number every time she called him, and when I ask him about that he said that she done because he told her to!!! WTF???? If there was nothing there........why block the number?? I don't know. I am very angry about this today, more so than yeaterday, and I don't know why these feelings come and go....but I am sick of this crap...and I want answers... like the TRUTH!! He swears he is telling me the truth but I don't think he is. How do I get him to admit to this crap??

This friendship thing is always an issue and always will be. Societies have found some very extreme ways to deal with this.
My H and I discussed this after dday and I said that I would never have another male friend, and by 'friend' I mean someone I spend time with on my own and have a personal relationship with. I said I'd stick to doing things with woman, and H joked and said I'd probably end up discovering my hidden lesbian feelings and fall in love with her. I kind of doubt that. But, all close friendships, even platonic ones are dangerous. My friendship with OM was plantonic, was open, both his wife and my H knew about our time together, what we did, we were all friends.
But it still did not work.

I think that male/female friendship quite often are a way of getting a good feeling from flirting. Frank commented on flirting with the cute bartender as a harmless bit of fun. Friendships can be this same thing, a harmless bit of companionship with underlying flirting that feels good. Maybe this is healthy, I don't know. But it is dangerous because the ability to walk away from it changes with time. Ususally when a friendship is the most dangerous is when someone refuses to give it up. That is a danger signal.