Infidelity Support Group

I thought we had the perfect marriage. We had tons of fun together, were very intimate, rarely fought, and were incredibly supportive. Honestly, I couldn't have been happier, so the affairs were a complete shock to me.

I understand now why it happened, and it wasn't entirerly his fault (he has DID), but it still socks me in the stomach.

I did get the "why bother" reaction. I felt like I had done everything right--I supported him mentally, emotionally, and financially in everything he desired to do and worked hard to give him a nice home. His friends even joked about my being the perfect wife...but there obviously were places where he felt like he wasn't being fulfilled.

Now I've actually slacked off in many areas which I'm not proud of (for example, the house always used to be tidy and now it's generally a mess...), but it's hard to get motivated. Hmmmm....

Im new here and not sure of all the "lingo." May I ask what "DID" is?

Things were bad, my husband had been abusing me for years. Guess I should have known if he would disrespect me by abusing me he was perfectly capeable of disrespecting me in other ways... I dont know why I didnt see!!

Sorry...dissociative identity disorder, formerly known as multiple personality disorder.

I too thought we had a good marriage. Heres the thing. She has two personalities. Wife-Mother and Hot to Trot Fun Girl. She told one of the BFs that she tells me what I want to hear. I think that cheaters tend to lead us to think that everything is good. They think that they are superior/smarter than the rest of us. Thus , they think they can play us. Thus having their cake and eating it too.

my husband cheated and yes i thought things were good for us, that is probably how he got away with if for so long because i really thought we were good. his affair actually lasted over the course of 4 years, on and off with the same woman which ultimately resulted in a baby only 4 months younger than our one and only child. he swears that he is so sorry and that he never stopped loving me and that he never loved her. of course his words mean nothing to me anymore.

we are still together but i don't know for how long because i resent him and am very devasted over all of this. one thing is for sure-no matter how much he tries we will never be good again.

Yes, see my post under the roles we play.

I thought we had a really good marriage. When I discovered the affair and asked her why, she said "Because being married is so hard."

After a little while, it became apparent that she wasn't happy and hadn't been happy for a long time. I knew we had our issues, but I thought they were generally pretty minor.

The fact that I was so surprised was one thing that led me to consider divorce. How can I stay married to someone who can't communicate her own unhappiness?

I don't know when I knew for sure we needed to divorce. Maybe I'm still not 100% convinced of it. I know the trust is irrevocably broken and I know we can't make each other happy any more.

Cheating complicates everything.

I don't know if I'm brainwashing myself by reading all this, but I'm really starting to understand why all the frustration around the bad marriage reasoning.

I always lead my SO to believe everything was good. I'd complain and he'd get angry or withdrawl from me. So I just quit. Didn't want to be a nag. I didn't want to leave him though. I never cried so hard for so many days as before leaving the first time. I felt horrid breaking my promise to help support him while he attempted running a buisness.

Something was broken in me. I wasn't a good partner. I should have done better. He never deserved that treatment, he would never do anything like that to me.

No I didn't think we had a good marriage, oddly enough he did. I had been telling him for years that we needed to spend more time together, to connect. I told him when our son started high school that in a few years he wouldn't need a mom around. My husband asked what that meant, I told him it meant I wasn't going to be waiting around for him to come home. I found out after that he was floored by that. This man planned his vacations on when he could go drinking with his buddies, how the heck could he think his wife would be ok being home alone all the damn time with kids??