Infidelity Support Group

I dont get it either but maybe they dont really care or love them and are only there for financial resonons because if they really loved thier spouse then it would kill them to know it was going on.I have had to make it on my own since he left working full time with a young babay so finances are no excuse i would find away and kick his cheating ass to the kerb.

I think some woman just weigh it in there head they do not want to give up there home and their life as they have known it. As far as your H comment I think a guys definition of success is not the people you touch in this world the good deeds you do or love you share but rather how big of a house were they able to buy what title they hold at their job and how much money is in their wallet. It is wrong and a selfish self absorbed way of living but I do believe most guys see success this way.

I think there are as many reasons as people and it`s not up to us to judge any of them. Peoples` lives are often far complexer as they seem from the outside. Not only do none of us truly know what the deal is in Clintons` marriage, but anywhere, except our own. I would not want anyone to self-righteously tell me what (s)he thinks is wrong about how I handle my situation. And I won`t tell others.

Hey, I know some people think the same about my H and me, because I forgave him. My forgiveness certainly isn't a cheater's pass. Some people are just more private, and don't talk openly about the circumstances (i.e. if he does it again, he's out of here).
In fact, this actually reminds me of a couple who I am friends with back home; she cheated, cheats, and will cheat again, and he totally has his blinders on. In fact, he married her knowing how she is. I feel bad for him, because he is a great guy and actually very good looking. He could get a good girl in a millisecond. I am not sure why he puts up with it, but I know he is crazy about her (the emphasis on CRAZY IMO). Who knows...
I am sure there are a million reasons why people stay with their serial cheaters...

I couldn't say what goes on in peoples minds. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out what goes on in my mind. Your question though about being:
"So what am I'm missing here? I'm I to moralistic in my way of thinking in this world?"

I would say no. You have a standard that you live by, and expect the one you married to live up to that standard. I would not say that you are expecting too much, but at the same time, people can almost never live up to anothers standard. I expected my wife to be a one man woman when we got married. But certain actions made her feel she needed to seek comfort with another man. Soon as I found out, she stopped sleeping with him, but is still on contact via a phone. Point is, each person feels their is something they need more then other things. You need a husband who loves you and is with you. That is not too much to ask, at all. Your husband....well, I have no way of knowing what it is he needs. I am glad you are able to work and are willing to make your own way to cover expenses. Says alot about yourself. I hope the answers come to you.

I am currently in this situation...I knew he was doing it...I confronted him...and he lied...now she is AWOL...and he has started the same crap with someone else...he doesn't know I know...all I can say is if I confront him again..I know he'll lie...I'm so tired of marinating in this pain...so tired of spying and sneaking to get HARD evidence...just plain tired...I know what I know ...I know what I read (he doesn't even delete text messages from his phone...but his computer is like fort knox)the fact is that it just hurts and hurts and hurts until you feel dead inside...thats where I am now ...I just don't feel anything anymore.I'm waiting to figure out a way to walk away with some dignity,with my kids (who are grown and don't know any of this)intact...and without losing everything that I worked just as hard for and paid as much for.I just don't need the drama...arguements ..or any more pain ...I'm saturated in it and hes oblivious...

I think it has to do with why you are in the relationship in some cases.

I forgot to mention...married for 22 years...more than half of my life..

What I say now..is you never know until it happens to you....I NEVER thought that I would be the kind of person who would forgive a long term affair...and look at me now.... I did kick him out initially and filed for divorce and we were separated for 6 months...but we eventually reconciled...then again..when I was younger and thought of affairs I never imagined the guilty partner apologizing, begging and pleading to come back, being remorseful, willing to change...life is not cut and dry...it's full of surprises...

so now..when you ask that question about those who stay while it is going on... I refuse to judge anyone...because you never know the whole story...maybe they do love their spouses...maybe they hear promises that things will change...maybe they are optimists that have hope that it will stop or won't happen again....
I refuse to label them as weak or stupid any longer ( I would have before my experience)..because like someone else says...there are people out there judging me and my decisions the same way...many of my friends and family are very supportive of my reconciling...and see it as a positive thing...call me a great role model to my kids for showing their father forgiveness and unconditional love...and yet there are others (my mother for one) that call me weak and can't imagine taking him back and forgiving him...so... I refuse to judge others...we just don't know the whole story.....

I must say that jrsygrl makes a lot of sense. People are complicated and not black and white. I was judgmental when I was young. Had what I thought were high morals and firm opinions, but I think you change as you get older and experience more.

People cheat for many reasons and people stay for many more. Some financial, some for love and some out of fear. Fear of the unknown. I've left and came back, forgiven and went to counseling, had my own affair of sorts and nothing has really changed except that are both older. Cheating comes in many forms and mine H has a pattern of dishonesty. I'm not normally dishonest and don't enjoy living with someone who is, but I'm still here. Life is full of surprises and we can't always predict what we would or wouldn't do in any given situation.