Infidelity Support Group

i know how embarassing it might have been to think that some of them may have know. unless you were real good freinds with these people do you think that they had an obglitation to tell you. after all this is where they work and there could alway be ramafactions. of course they have their own lives and probally did not want to get pulled into such a nasty mess. how would you have handled it. thanked them nicely phoned them afterwards to question them ask them to spy you can understand spouses will sometimes even jump on and verbally abuse the bearer of bad news. so sorry for all your pain and hope things get better

I know how you feel. The enitre neighborhood watched. My husband told my Mom to keep quiet He threatend her and my "friends" all saw this going on. NOT one person told me. My Mom said you might want to come home early one day. She lives across the street and they hung out every day. I get sick just thinking about it.

Why can't someone say something....even a note? A secret text from a cell website? Something. I know I have always told my friends when I thought something was going on.

In my case, they encouraged it. They can all go to hell because they are tarred with the same brush. They would come over, eat my food...I'd cook & clean up after having bbqs, hang out at his work functions, etc....all the while knowing and smiling in my face! Trash hangs with trash, that's the way I see it now!

I would have said something although in my case no one did. and it hurt. These people were supposed to be my friends. I would have told my friends instead of letting them look like fools.It just added to the hurt in my case. Because I didn't have anyone to turn to. I didn't trust them either. I felt like they were H friends,not mine.

Oh, I have a lot of guilt now regarding a similar situation I was in with a co-worker. I had this part time job in college, and I knew one of the co-workers was cheating on his wife. She even asked me one time, I just shook my head and played dumb. Trust me, after now being the betrayed spouse and knowing how important is to be informed and to know what kind of man you married, I feel really guilty. The thing is, I had a really nice set up at this job, and I KNOW the wife would have directly used me a reference. The cheater in this situation wasn't the boss, but had some pull. The cheating co-worker knew how I felt about it though. I told him to his face that he was a piece of shit, and if he were going to cheat on his wife, not to make it so obvious to all of co-workers because it put those of us with morals in hard place. I told him I was tempted to tell her, but I didn't want to lose my job. God, I hate that! Looking back, I should have probably told her, but I didn't think it was any of business.

Honestly, now that I have been cheated on by my H and if I ever found myself in that situation again, I will probably tell the wife what is up.

I am sure some people knew, but they didn't want to stir things up even more in the work place by telling you. Also, like I said, you really don't how it feels until it happens to you. Try not to hate them, because it is your H who put them in that awkward situation.

I am sorry!

Well....I'm sure they all knew. But try and put yourself in their shoes too. Would you feel comforable with picking up the phone and calling the spouse and saying, "I think there is something going on, however I have no proof." Some people are in denial when they first find out and attact the messenger. Or maybe they are afraid the spouse will say, "Mary called and said you and Sally are screwing around." I know a person who I thought of as the older brother I never had knew about H's OW. I am still hurt he never said anything. I just don't consider him MY friend anymore. It's hard I know. Unfair too.

My exH and his OW work in a tiny little office with a total of 4 ppl working there. I mean they are literally on top of each other cause the office is so small. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if he breaks up with this co-worker. How could they work together in such small confines? It would absolutely drive them nuts! hehe

When my dad had an affair with his secretary, there were two coworkers who knew and helped keep it secret from my mom.

Mom was furious with ALL of them. As far as she was concerned, all of those peoplpe were the OW because they helped participate in the lying and manipulation

This is what gets me. The cheaters have all the advantages in these matters. If more people would stand up and call it what it is, a lot of these affairs would never happen.

I believe many in the office will suspect, but you don't go calling a spouse (anonymous or not) without proof.

Those that are "in the know" are probably their close confidants. They may not like the situation, but they found out because one of the cheaters trusted them. If confronted, they may respond with "you should talk to your spouse" which is the best you could hope for - at least it's not a cover-up.

Can't really blame them, unless they enabled & encouraged the affair, or they were your friend too.