Infidelity Support Group

I am not surprised she denied it. Good on you for the way you handled it. Unfortunately for you they just might get more secretive. I hope the best for you. You don't deserve this.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and help. It turned out he didn't come home last night. He came in this morning at around 8:30. I was taking my youngest to the babysitter so we crossed paths for a moment. I didn't come back home until I knew he was gone. He took some of his things (toothbrush etc.) and emailed some chick in Florida and left. He has a my space account and he told her she looked great in the pictures that she had up on her site. Unbelievable. I'm not taking him back ever! I gave him one last chance to go to counselling and stop talking to her and grow up. He didn't listen so he's out of here. My heart is in shambles but I need to be strong for my boys. I know I will have more peace in my life. I'm just scared about financial supporting myself and my children. On the bright side I don't have to live in fear anymore and wonder who he will latch onto next. I don't care if he's in the biggest FOG of his life. As far as I'm concerned someone else can live with all his shit.

I also confronted to OW and I felt tons better after. I had been comparing myself to what I thought she was. Once I confronted her I could see she could never be anywhere as good as me. I am not just saying this because I hate her but she was ugly much older and then she spoke and just had a bad attitude and bad language. It made feel tons better because then I felt like if thats what my H wants let him have her I am so much better than that thing. It helped me It was the best I had felt since it all came out. I no longer compare myself to her because there is no comparison. She drove off during the confrontation, coward.

Nope. I would never give the bitch the satisfaction of knowing how I feel. But that is just me.

Just my advice...

Always call the OW! If you need corroboration on the details from the OW, you must hide your contempt, be polite and serve it up with a side of honey. Tell her the following:

1) You blame him, not her.
2) You have the right to the truth. You've been faithful, and he is lying, betraying and causing you deep pain.
3) Inform her as to the extent of your committed, happy relationship. Your sex life is great and frequent. There is daily affection. You are each other’s best friend, support each other and people are actually envious of what a good relationship you have! If he told her otherwise, he was lying to her. (This makes her question his truthfulness to her.)
4) Inform her that her "special connection" with him is not so special. That he does the same things with you, and with others that he’s cheated with. This romance is not special to the OW, it is based on his desire to chase and conquer, and he never planned to leave you, he just likes having thrills on the side. (Again, this let’s her know she’s not special.)
5) Ask her to please find it within herself to tell you the truth. Tell her you have proof, you’re just looking for corroboration so you can make sense of things and you can all find a path to move forward based in honesty.
6) Ask her to leave him alone.

Once her guard is down, she should start talking. If she still denies, hit her with a couple of specifics to prove she’s not being honest with you, and ask her again.

Yes, she will enrage you with her attitude, information, and attempts to manipulate you. Keep being the nice lady that doesn’t deserve this. She’ll keep talking and you stay strong, stay focused, correct her lies, but don’t condemn her.

Afterward, you hate her. You’ll wish you screamed at her, but you’ll know that you wouldn’t have met your objectives had you done this. If she leaves your H, never contact her again. If it’s still going on, I would definitely contact the OW’s SO. Not only will that give you more information, but it might stop the affair so both parties can figure out what to do with their relationships.

Thank you for your advice. I was doing my best to be nice and I don't think I was ever really mean to her because my objective was to get info out of her. She wanted me to send her the email that was in question..for what reason? Did she not get it the first time he sent it to her. She hung up on me after I told her that if in fact I'm misreading this situation that I want her boyfriend to see the email and if he thinks it's Ok then I'll be fine with it too. I was obviously calling her bluff and that is when she hung up on me. It doesn't really matter if he continues seeing her because obviously she cares if her boyfriend finds out otherwise she wouldn't of hung up on me and I took the fun out it for my husband because I kicked his ass out. Let's see how much fun it will be for him now. He may not admit to everything he has done but surely when he turns off the lights at night his mind will be swirling with all sorts of interesting things. I'm not the best person in the world but I'm pretty close in getting an award for putting up with all his shit for so long. I feel like an ass because it got me nowhere. At least now I could feel that my pain is finally justified because I'm finally trying to make things real in my life again. I'm no longer playing his games...

Good call kicking him out.

Thanks..

You are moving in the right direction. If he cannot be faithful (including emotional infidelity) then he shouldn't be living with you. Try no-contact. I got alot of good information on the marriage builders website where they give specific directions on what to do if your spouse is still seeing the OP. I wish you all the best. I hope you will someday be able to look back and think that was the best thing ever to happen. (((HUGS)))

no she admitted it and i believe she was trying to make me mad enough to leave him so that she could have him. what i don't get is why any woman would want a man who knowingly and willingly cheat on his family. on his wife and kids the very people he vowed to love and protect. "if he would do that to them then what makes you different." i just don't get that.