Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who ...
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I am the worst person ever
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Before I start telling you my story please know before you post any response that I already feel awful enough so please don't write anything mean as I don't know if I can handle that right now.
First and for most I am also a part of the depression group as I have suffered from this ailment as long as I can remember. I cripples me daily and I have to fight it every single day. I am on medication, but it only makes it less severe, it doesn't completely alleviate it. I have been with my fiance for a year and a half now and were will be getting married in November. HE is the most amazing and caring person I have ever known. Things were of course a fair tale in the beginning and then it simmered down to a comfortable, well-balanced relationship. I could never imagine spending my life with anyone but him. I love him deeply. We have however been fighting more and more in the past few months. We are both under a lot of financial stress as we are both college students, and then of course there's my depression that puts a huge strain on both of us. A few nights ago I got home and went upstairs to watch a movie with my neighbor. We ended up getting really drunk and making out, things escalated and we began to have sex, I stopped it immediately feeling awful and ran downstairs. The next morning my fiance came over and went golfing with my neighbor and then my neighbor invited us to eat dinner with him. I feel so badly, but don't want to act weird around my fiance so he won't suspect anything. I feel so terribly guilty and can hardly bare to look at myself in the mirror right now. Please someone tell me I'm not the world's worst person Posted on 06/23/08, 02:06 pm |
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Please help me, someone, anyone! 
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How you take comments is up to you just as your depression is up to you to control just as your most recent mistake was made by you.
You are the center of your world. :) I really think that is what depression does to us all. It takes away our hope and ability to empathize with ourselves and others. Have you ever made this mistake before or was this the first time? Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over agian expecting different results. If not, never trust yourself drinking around another man or woman ever agian. Period. Just don't do it. Learn your lesson, accept your mistake, adjust to prevent it, and never go back agianst your word. This is too straight forward advice to really help or make you feel any better... If you are looking for empathy, let me just say I've done exactly what you did that night more times than I can count. I don't think I was a horrible person. I look back and I see someone with little self esteem and an inability to offer anything in the way of love or partnership because I was hurting too much to care about anyone but my own survivial. Thank goodness I never had a kid back then. Oh, I was also selfish. But I can look back and find some good too! Intellectual, curious, passionate, generous, and romantic. Good and bad. Wonder if and how you will respond?
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Would your fiance been ok with you drinking and watching a movie with your male neighbor???
My H's affair started by inviting the OW over to our home while I was 8 hours away visiting family. He was upset with me over stupid stuff that I had no idea about. So his way of making himself feel better was to invite her over. They were drinking and watching a movie, and one thing led to another, they had sex and she slept over in my bed that night. My point being I would have been upset with just the fact he invited her over to "watch a movie" let alone everything else that went along with it. You need to tell him or you will be starting your marriage off on the wrong foot.
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From a betrayed spouses point of view, I would not say you are the world's worst person. There are a lot of people who are really some of the worst people. You did stop, and your guilt says a lot. That alone says a lot. As far as your fiance and the neighbor, I don't know what to say.
Good luck with your choices. It seems like you have a lot of them to make.
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I am very sorry that you are in a lot of pain. It just proves that infidelity doesn't only hurt the betrayed. I am here because my H cheated on me, but I have cheated in a past non-married relationship before.
There are many great people in the Cheaters Anonymous group who are dealing with and have dealt with what you are going through. I know right now you are scared to death to tell your partner the truth, but I am afraid living a lie will eat you up even more. The feeling of always having to look over your shoulder is not a good one, and as I said several times here before, lies are a faulty foundation. I hope you can find some peace and happiness. I hate to give any bad advise, but all I can tell you is what worked for me in my past experiences. Good luck and hang in there.
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I don't know whether or not I should or can tell my fiance, I think it would destroy him. I feel like maybe this is my demon and I should be punished by feeling the guilt I feel.
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I agree with SRSNDE. Sounds like the guilt is eating you up. You may want to have a talk with your SO and explain the situation and figure out why you let it get out of control like that. If was a stupid mistake then say so and admit your part. You said you stopped it so that in it self says you have remorse. You need to be open and honest and truthful to your so he deserves to know whats going on afterall like you said he is friends with the other guy. What an awkward position to put your SO in when he know nothing about what has happened. Honesty Alawys.
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Would you rather the truth come from you or from the guy? What makes you think he wont let it slip some time perhaps when he is drunk again? And which way would hurt him worse? from you or someone els? Either way YES he will get hurt but I think it would hurt a hell of a lot less if you came clean first. Honesty Always!
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You're not ready to get married. Call off your engagement immediately. If you can't handle your booze, you certainly can not handle the strains and sacrifices of married life. Then -- you cheated which is all the more evidence you have issues to work out.
Call off the wedding and call a therepist. -Jax
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I agree with Mommyjax.... call off the wedding and get to see a counselor right away...
If you are depressed now, you really would be depress in a marriage!
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