Infidelity Support Group

Jrsygrl - Her H was the first to find out. The OW told him about the affair then in turn he was going to tell me: SO my H was forced to be honest with me. This was part of the OW plan. She thought I would be devastated and tell my H to get the heck out of my life. BUT GOD took over... It was the most surreal experience in my life and unless you are there you cannot say you even understand. But since I was willing to forgive and work on my marriage I totally destroyed the master plan of the OW (which was to marry MY H and live happily ever after)... Maybe that is why she has continuously appeared in my life... To remind me that she is still there WAITING... NOW, my H has completely turned from her and wants nothing to do with her EVIL ways.. I don't want to miscommunicate the strength of our relationship as a MARRIED COUPLE!! My issue is within myself and my unwillingness to get beyond the OW and her EVILNESS... She is one person that STOLE something from me that NO ONE WAS SUPPOSE TO HAVE... Granted my H willingly gave it to her. And he has admitted his guilt with this and asked for my forgivenss. With God's grace, I was able to do just that... NOW, I guess I have forgiven the OW for the actual affair. It is just that I can't forgive her for constantly being present in our lives. I know that it is a free world but she would not have had an interest in the hobby of my H if it was not for my H. For the past four years she has done her damnest to stay apart and parade around as if she was LIL MISS ALL THAT! It really didn't bother me... Until she began to move in one closer territory, my friends... Or someone I considered a friend. A person in which I would share my feelings with...

At this point, I have realized that I have forgiven her for her part in the affair... But it is time for her to MOVE on and that is what I can't get beyond.

At this moment my so called friend has not contacted me in three days, which is SO not like her. Which I guess means that she is mad at me. In time this will all pass. I am not going to make any issues, Turn the cheek type of concept I shall say. But I can withhold my feelings and intimate thoughts. I can share those with whom I chose. Which at this point in my life will be my BEST FRIEND - My HUSBAND!! Thanks for all the great comments and strength... But I must say many of your words have led me to the WORD I needed those of the Father! May HE have grace on all of us.

You need a neww girlfriend. Its not about holding hate in your heart. No one and I mean no one would want to see the OW in thier daily lives. Your gf way wrong here and if she cared about you it wouldn't even be an issue.

Forgiveness is something people sometimes do for their own peace of mind. Nobody can make you forgive someone else- you don't ever have to forgive this woman and I think that distancing yourselves is a great idea.

Even if you do chose to forgive her eventually, that doesn't mean forgetting what she did. It doesn't mean that you have to like her, see her, or be comfortable interacting with her.

WeMadeIt:

I don't know about forgiveness, but I don't think it's healthy for anyone to carry this much hatred for someone else.

You know how they say the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference?

I was taken back by the powerful emotions that are evident in your posts when you talk about the OW. There's a lot of hate there. You capitalize the word "evil" when talking about her several times. Why demonize her? Why give her that kind of power in your life?

You don't have to forgive her, but you shouldn't allow your hatred for her to consume you so much. It can't be healthy for you.

And before anyone jumps to any conclusions (as some people have after posts I've made similar to this), I was the cheated-on spouse. I certainly understand the desire to hate and even hurt the other person. But after a while, I had to give that up. The thought of this guy still pisses me off, but hating him was only eating me up and gave him power over me. There was no way I was going to give that guy any more power over my life.

This is long - But this is a letter that I wish I could give my BF. Regardless, if she never receives it I feel better putting it on paper.


This is being written as a way for me to move beyond the pettiness that this world presents.
Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. It is a supportive relationship that involves sharing experiences and trust. Friends will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchanging advice and the sharing of hardship. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.
Four years ago my life stopped dead in its tracks. I picked myself up and realized that I had to place my trust in GOD and that he would take care of me. That he did. With his grace, my marriage was restored to be the best relationship in my life as it should be (second to that one with GOD). Since I was married and especially after the birth of my child, my friendships were few and far between. My friendships that have truly lasted and I considered close were with my best friend from high school and my college roommate. These are two women that regardless of what I do or where I am, I know will ALWAYS be there for me. Regardless of our distance or how long it has been since we spoke, we remain close and confidants. Other than these two women, Ryan has been my best friend. I simply did not take the time to nourish any other relationships. And I did not trust many people after my life was almost destroyed due to betrayal and the conniving ways of a woman who was invited into my life to be a friend of my family. Little did I know that this was all DECEPTION! SO, my wall is built up. I am cautious as to letting females into my “circle.”
When you entered my social circle, we hit it off. Over time, I felt we grew very close. I did get to the point in which I felt I could share and open up my “GIRLIE” feelings. I shared my frustrations, failures as well as my happiness, accomplishments, and FUN! I extended my feelings to consider you a part of the extended family. I nourished the relationship to where even my own child admired Valerie and all of her accomplishments. I truly felt joy and happiness for you when I watched you succeed as if you were my own child or I guess I should say like a sister… I remember the moment I was told you got your pro card and the excitement that overwhelmed me… I screamed out to my students in the van – my best friend got her pro card and I can’t believe I wasn’t there! It was at this point, that I realized that I had a best friend other than my husband.
Over time, I shared many of my most personal feelings. You were there for me and listened as well as offered guidance. I guess that is why it hurt so much when you were willing to be open in develop a relationship (regardless of the level or involvement of this relationship/friendship). I mean I have heard we are simply acquaintances, or it is simply business… whatever. Any relationship is too much for me. This is one person that caused me more harm and anguish than any other living being on this earth. It simply appears to me that you value business, casual acquaintance, and fun; more than a friendship that has been built on over years.
I know that in the World we live in everyone has the right to live his/her life how he/she sees fit. I have no ground or right to tell anyone with whom to be friends. But I do know that I can decide with whom I want to lean on, turn to and share with. I can decide what is too much for me to accept. I have chosen to change my life in order to avoid any connection with one particular person placed on this earth. That is my choice. And all that love me and are close to me respect that chose and do nothing to harm me in that way. I am not telling you not to be friends. That is beyond my limits. But I am saying that I do not have to open that door and I can close the door to the possibility of being around it.
I know you feel as though I am the one with the problem. I need counseling. I need to move on.. And you know, I see your point. BUT I do not feel I have a problem, nor do I need counseling. I dealt with this issue four years ago. I did forgive her for her involvement in the affair that almost destroyed my family. I have moved beyond that. There is not part of forgiveness that requires forgetting. I also do not have to forgive her truly because she has never said she did any wrong. She is the woman that said I WAS THE ONE THAT RUINED HER LIFE….. So in my opinion, this person is someone that saw no wrong in being involved with a married man, destroying her own marriage and family, and didn’t bat an eye with the idea of destroying another. She has not made choices in the past four years that make me feel as though she has changed her opinion of life. She lives it for herself. And by all means, that is her decision and NONE of my business. But I do not have to forgive her for being a constant presence. She knows very well what she is doing. And if that is all good than so it be. BUT I DO NOT HAVE TO SUBJECT MYSELF TO IT.. Regardless of if it is for business or whatever.

It is up to each person to measure what is truly important to them. I have done this. As much as it pains me to distance myself. That is what I feel will be for the best. I do not need the constant reminder of the saddest part of my life. And I will not give her that power. So, if that means changing social circles then I guess that is what it means. If you choose to build a relationship with her, I wish you the best.

And real quick - As for my hatred... I am getting it under control but I do feel as though this OW is a serpent as God states it in the Bible. She is the temptation itself sent from Satan and loves that part of her life. Now, I do not wish any harm to her b/c I know that she is a mother, sister and daughter. I do not wish that loss on anyone. Ironically, it my strongest days of prayer - She was one is which I prayed that she would see the wrongs of her ways and repent and find true happiness. Then the drama that she has to create would stop. If the drama was no longer created by her than I would not have to hear about it second or third hand. Then in my world she would disapper!

I guess alot of my anger at this point is that someone in which I had trusted has developed a relationship with her and kept it from me... Now, that being said. My BF knew that it would upset me so she kept it from me... SO, it upsets me to try to figure out WHY she would prefer to develop a relationship with this OW rather than nourish our own friendship... I guess I'm not a worthy enough friend. Or I'm simply not FUN enough