Infidelity Support Group

I do not think you need to forgive the OW and why in the HELL is your best friends now friends with her??????? Does your best freind not know she screwed your life up?

If your husband and you are truely happy the don't let her rain on your parade. Make her see that you two are very happy together and she could not ruin it and get a new best friend - cause if she knew everything then she is not a friend at all.

I would think that your best friend should understand your feelings and not be friends with the OW. Can't your best friend see that the OW is up to no good and tell her to stay the heck away from you and her?

Oh Honey...that is so hard! I commend you and your H for getting through his infidelity,that is a difficult thing to forgive.
I'm assuming that you have confided in the friend about how you felt,what you have been through,etc. because of the other woman...so I can't imagine why she would want to become friends with such a person.She has to know that it would hurt you terribly.I'm not seeing a true friendship there,if that is the case.I would cut your ties to her.A true friend would be supportive of you.
Can you talk to your Minister about how you feel?Sometimes that can help.The only way to truly get past something like this is by truly forgiving...but that can be so difficult.
Why did your husband stray in the first place?Were there problems with your communication at the time?Sometimes getting to the heart of what triggered the action can help.
Maybe consider a marriage couselor.If you are already seeing one,focus on how to leave it completely behind you.If you forgave him,then you need to forgive the entire incident,or there isn't any progress forward.
There is a saying"Hate the sin...not the sinner".Yes,this woman was guilty of poor judgement,but God will judge her.If he hadn't cheated with her,there probably would have been someone else.
My ex husband and I were married for 17 years.I had no reason to suspect that he was having an affair with his best friend's girlfriend...but he was.He now is married to her and they have a baby together.She helped him kidnap my children and broke up my marriage.I could very well hate her,but I don't.God will give me justice where she is concerned and I had to leave it go.
Now I have seen her in public with another man,when her husband is out of town,and I don't say a word because I truly believe in the saying"What goes around,comes around".

IF she was a TRUE friend she wouldn't even consider being friends with the OW...plain and simple! That's a shitty thing to do! OMG!

I am with Joybean! This is definitely not a good friend! TERRIBLE!

I agree with Joy. How could a real friend knowingly cause pain for you?? Wow.. I am so sorry.

Absolutely not! You do not have to forgive her or accept her. She violated your marriage and that is wrong. She knew it when she did it and so did your husband. Have you thought about moving? I know it's hard, but she needs to GO AWAY!

Well, thanks for the advice and opinions. I guess I feel like there is an issue with me b/c I really despise this woman. It is almost as if she consumes me with hatred. As long as she is out of sight, she is out of mind. Let me give some more to the story.

My H strayed with her after her basically THROWING herself at him intensely. Granted our marriage was not at it's strongest. I fell victim of being a mother first and too busy to see that I was not paying attention to my marriage! I took it for granted. Not that I blame myself for my H betrayal. I and shall I say WE are beyond it. We are truly stronger now b/c of what we went through. But the one element I have not gotten beyond was the OW. She lives her life around constant drama. That is what makes this woman tick... She caused immediate drama with us the first few months we were trying to rebuild. Then that subsided - But she would not disappear. She would love to strut her stuff in the gym in which my H and I were at TOGETHER. Then would go to social events in which she KNEW we would be. After two years of it, I did leave the gym. Trusted my H to do it alone. Not that I didn't before. But I simply had to NO longer have that sick feeling any longer. All was well, until just recently. She has turned to one of my friends that I do consider close. I guess my H is now my true BFF!! I just can't get past the fact that my CLOSE girlfriend is even civil or talking with her. She is younger than me, and has never experienced betrayal in her marriage. She came into my life after this experience and only knows of the horror she brought into my life through tidbit stories here and there... But it is still enough for her to know my feelings.

My girlfriends opinion is that I should have moved on by now and that I must have some issues that I need to resolve. I guess I am turning for help from others that have been there to determine - Am I normal to still HATE her? or do I need to work with my forgiveness in order to be able to forget.

As of moving = not an option.
As of cutting my GF out of my life - not really that easy. HER H is my H best friend.. So it really puts me in a tough spot. I have been just being very shallow and faking it with my communication with her recently. But I want to tear into her and say HOW DARE YOU!!!

I did tell my GF that I know I can't tell her who to be friends with but that my final words were to keep her gaurd up. I don't trust her new friend and never will. Her business with her is her business and my name should NOT be part of her vocab!

Thanks!

you don't have to be in a tough spot. Your husband should be understanding and maybe your friend needs a reality check. Ordinarily I'd say we shouldn't have any say about who our friends are friends with, however, this goes a little deeper and well it hurts you! Do you need to forgive the OW? Absolutely not. Should you at some point? Yes, but for you and nobody else. And, not until you're ready to do so.

It bothers me that people who have never been in this situation think we should be over it by now. I work with some wonderful women but they also feel that if I stayed in marriage and it has been 6mths I should be over it. I just hope for their sake they never have to deal with the pain of an affair. I'm sorry that your friend is also like this. I know it must be painful. It sounds like this OW is very manipulative.