Adultery is generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse by a married person with someone other than his or her lawful spouse. In many jurisdictions, an unmarried person who ...
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Traits of a Cheater?
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OK, I just finished reading "Not Just Friends" and really only enjoyed the book because it was full of interesting factoids and tidbits. I am an information junkie. I remembered a recent discussion we had about not choosing people who will cheat to be future partners and how does one ever really know who will be a cheater and who won't.
The author is a therapist so she ascribed much of cheating behavior to childhood experiences. I really tried to ignore this because I think at some point, you've got to stop blaming Mommy and Daddy. Here is her description of people who tend to cheat versus those who don't: "If you want to choose a mate who is likely to stay loyal, what would you look for? According to statistics, you should choose someone who devotedly attends religious services, has friends who support a monogamous lifestyle, lives in a small community, and has parents and grandparents who are straight arrows. Your potentially faithful partner would work alone, close to home, and wouldn't travel for business purposes. If, on the other hand, you want to know whom to be wary of, statistics would steer you clear of someone who works in a condoning or encouraging occupational environment with attractive co-workers, travels with them for conferences, does not attend worship services or have strong religious beliefs, comes from a sexually liberal background, lives in a large metropolitan area, and has a history of parental infidelity. None of these factors is a predictor of marital infidelity in any particular individual. But they do point to who is more likely to be unfaithful and who is more likely to be monogamous." So, compared to the cheater in your situation are her descriptions accurate? My husband fits all but one of the traits of a cheater she describes. And I honestly don't think anyone fitting her description of the non-cheater exists. Posted on 06/25/07, 10:06 am |
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Actualy the description of the noncheater is pretty much a perfect discription of me and my wife, except for attending worship services faithfully, I do have strong religious beliefs though and my wife cheated on me. So I don't put a whole lot of fith in this description as a determining factor. 
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except for the "living in a small community" thing, I fit the description of a mate who would remain loyal....and I cheated. I am with Hawk37. I don't have any faith in those descriptions.
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I think the #1 description is selfishness. The ability to place what you think you want today above your children and marriage and justifying it with some very shallow reasons.
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I think one big thing missing in the descriptions and it is only my own personal experience is the person who never has had to be accountable for anything. We all know them, they somehow seem to slither out of taking responsibility for their behavior no matter how much they tell you they do, or how much you hear them tell stories that ALWAYS portray them as the victim. My father was a straight arrow, same company forever, went to church, took care of his elderly parents, took my mom and me on trips all the time, was never late coming home from work etc...and guess what? He cheated once, then later on cheated again and left my mother for another woman after 21 years of marriage...and guess what? Just ask him, he'll tell you what a great "moral" guy he is. I only have value in the cheaters who clearly can see their mistake, are truly remorseful, and are willing to do whatever it takes to heal their relationships. As for them, I do believe that most of them would have said they would never have done what they did, and after to listening to several, they all still say they can't believe they did it. Are they all full of it? I don't think so...
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Most of use are capable of cheating in the right circumstances.
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Tellme,
So cheating is about circumstances? I'm confused by your post.
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I attend religious services and am very religious. I have super parents and grandparents. I grew up in a relatively small area, and had a very moral upbringing. And I still made the terrible choice to cheat. Of course, I really got off course, especially religiously, before I did.
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So we are supposed 2 find a really boring christian dude, from a small farm town that works alone all day long? no offense, but it sounds like serial killer material.
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I pretty much fit the non-cheater profile. Sometimes I have to travel for business purposes...but not very often.
Serial killer? I think not. I know lots and lots of people that fit the non-cheating profile. That's a pretty extreme opinion of a lot of good, wholesome people.
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Jay,
Don't try to reason with Bozo. You'll get "clowned" every time.
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