Infidelity Support Group

I understand your curiosity. My ex's girlfriend worked in his office. In fact, I met her on the way to having my hysterectomy one morning....odd! I called her one day to set up a meeting. It didn't happen...thank God. She's a sociopath and the lame tears and apology she offered me on the phone were empty. I see her from time to time in my town and have gone from rage and hurt to pitying her. She has a husband and two young children. I can hold my head up high. I don't really know if seeing the OW would help you. You'll still obsess. It takes time and there's no shortcut to that, I'm afraid. IF your H is seriously working on the marriage, then put your energy there. Nothing will drive him away more than focusing on the OW....he's probably having enough trouble forgiving himself for his sins. It's a difficult thing to do but if you can truly forgive him and he's earnest in his efforts to save the marriage...you two are the only thing that matters now. Good luck and love to you...be strong and survive this!!!!

Go with it! Yes, meet her. Don't lose your cool, just tell her it would be best for her to stay away.

I really wish I hadn't met the OW as now all i have are mind movies. She even wanted to be my flipping friend afterwards.... what a bitch??? Although it was lovely to know that she looked like a hobbit wife!! It's up to you, if its playing on your mind that much then maybe you should meet her, i just wish i hadn't. good luck x

I would arrange something so that the three of you are together and you also have a chance to tell her to get lost. That way you make sure your husband isn't still seeing her behind your back.

I am not here to hurt anyone. Only to help the betrayed who have been innoscently hurt too much already.
I was the OW to a MM. We haven't had contact for 8 months now (since he went back to his wife)and I don't plan on it in the future.
I would just like to tell you what happened in my situation-not saying that it did, but it's always possible.
My MM's wife had no clue about us. We worked together and we live close to each other. I knew when she went shopping because he would call me when he was alone. I had to see what she looked like for my own reasons I suppose. I think we feel the same thing as you, if they are prettier and all that. Well, I went there with my daughter and saw her with her daughter. She had no idea about me so it was very empowering to me at the time to know this. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. It was very hard to be discreet but I managed. I had to match the face to a person and make her a reality to me.
When I did see her I felt like something stabbed my heart. She looked so innoscent and not the monster that he made her out to be.
Before seeing her she was almost unreal. Like a fictional character in a book. I finally realized that I would be hurting a human being in the most damaging way ever. This was the point where I tried to break it off with the MM. It was a very emotional time dealing with what we have done. We cried for hours struggling with this.
I was kind of shocked also when I saw her because we resembled each other. She looked like an older version of me. Because of that aspect I wondered if he really wanted to love her but I was giving him all the things that she wasn't.
I feel so much remorse and shame for what we did. I learned the hard way about falling in love with a MM. Something I thought I would never, ever do.
My thoughts would be to perhaps not meet her but find a way to see what she looks like without her seeing you. Some of the others I believe are correct in saying that if she is still in your life than you will have a hard time getting her out of your mind and focusing on healing and working with your husband to move forward to a great relationship with each other.
Another reason not to meet her is the fact that she may hurt you even more with what she may say to you and you don't need that.

I reread what I wrote and I meant to say in the first paragraph ,"I'm not saying it did"--I meant that it may not have happened to you, that she saw you without you knowing.
Sorry about the mixup.

You are at a disadvantage not knowing. I found out about my husbands 3 affairs after the fact OW1 & OW2 I would not have had a chance to run into them unknowingly but affair number 3 was in the same small town we had been living in. Even though the sex was maybe 6 days they still had been in contact as "friends" The other woman knew me, my husband had pictures of me all over his office. So I questioned the fact, "oh my God we could have past at the store or on the street and she would have laughed her ass off because she was "picked" to sleep with my husband." OW3 by far is the most unattractive of his 3, she is 10 years younger then me but looks 20 years older. Frumpy old women like. When I seen her picture I laughed so hard!! My husband did send OW2 & OW3 letters since they live in Alabama & Tennessee and we are now on the west coast. But he did write them telling them to never contact "us" again. OW3 disappeared, OW2 fought the emails for awhile with replies, "I'm sorry I never wanted this to come out and was I really just a whore to you?" It was pretty funny how pathetic she sounded. I laughed there too because even though she did have sex with my husband in 1996 then no contact what so ever until a brief meeting in 2000 then only emails until 2005/2006 no physical contact not even a telephone call to hear my husbands voice and she fell in love with him. What an idiot!!! I have seen pictures of all 3 sluts and I am so glad I have. Because I would have thought for my husband to cheat and ruin his marriage and to destroy so much these sluts had to be knock out gorgeous. Why risk it for a nasty ugly person? Well he risked it for a nasty ugly person. But I can see why they had been easy targets in his deceitful ego boost thrill game he had been taking, because they are ugly and nasty and no descent single man really had wanted them so they jumped at the opportunity to screw a good looking guy even if he was married because he was making their day by picking them. I would try to find out what she looks like, because you will be filling in the blanks and imagining her looks, I bet she is an unattractive low-life and even if she is gorgeous on the outside, it is far worst to be ugly on the inside and that is what these women are that knowingly carry on an affair with a married man, At least you can look yourself in the mirror and "NOT" gringe at the sight. Good Luck !!!

If you truly believe it will help go for it. I'm not sure how it makes me feel to know who my h's OW was. On one hand she was hideous and that makes me feel good that she wasn't attractive. But on one hand it makes me feel like man he must have really been miserable to pick someone so ugly. But like one said here, the less attractive they are the less work they'll have to get them into bed...I'm guessing...however I honestly believe the simple fact is men want to feel respected and admired by us and when they don't they'll go to whomever gives them even the slightest bit of that. I'm not saying, it is any of our faults that these men did what they did, I'm just stated what I've read in numerous books and articles on this topic. I have yet to forgive and I most definitely will not forget but I am trying to learn as much as I can about this so I can hopefully not be so blind sided in the future if I stay or if I go.

I know your pain. I will tell you honestly I'm not sure seeing the other woman will make the pain any less, it will just give you a face to all the movies you keep playing in your head of the two of them together. It sucks either way.

You're not crazy. I would want to know what she looked like to. Crappy thing of it is, no matter how much you are obsessing on it and want to know, knowing might make it so much worse. For me knowing has meant comparing myself and pitting my flaws against hers etc. Its worse for me.

I saw the OW in a picture before I knew they were having an EA. She was so drop-dead gorgeous that I even commented on her. When I did contact her by email, I mentioned that she had a responsibility to use her beauty for good, not bad (ie enticing men to her). She had the gall to write ME and say how many other WONDERFUL qualities she had to offer, and that we should meet......can you believe it?