Infidelity Support Group

I'm sorry, but after reading your profile I am just wondering why you want to stay with this man. You seem to have so much going for you and I just wonder why you feel you need to stay with someone who seems to be so destructive and toxic. Has he changed significantly? For your sake I hope so otherwise perhaps you should consider healing by moving on.

Tearful, Reply#7. You are right on with your response. And for some reason, they don't seem to 'GET' how far they have fallen in our eyes. They just don't get it that they will never been looked up to with the respect we had for them. It just won't happen.

Like everyone else, i truly wish and ache for the answer. Im just happy for you that he is trying. If he is really sorry then I wish you the best but if not he will drain you of every last bit of self esteem you have...and thats not worth it!

I have asked myself many times why I stay with him. I went through a divorce before, and my two grown children tell me that it was the most traumatic, painful thing they ever went through. They are adults now, and have not married, perhaps because of that pain, or perhaps not. I guess I haven't made the decision to stay with him, or to leave him. He is trying very hard now to change, and he has changed. He is much more gentle, considerate and loving.
BUT... a giant red flag for me is that he sometimes lies to me in very small matters (things like "I gave half a cup of milk to our son" or he tells our son he didn't have a candy bar. Pretty petty, huh? I jump all over him about it, because my feeling is that honesty is a habit, and if he lies about small things that don't have any real consequences, he will certainly lie in big things that will have tremendous negative consequences for him, me and our family.
I saw a program on tv two days ago about a program at Stanford University about foregiveness. It was about horrendous crimes against children, both small and grown, and the way the children and the parents dealt with it. The director of the program said that first it was necessary to go through the grieving process, and make the decision to go on with life. I don't think I am finished grieving for the hurt done to me. When I first found out three years ago, I went to a neighborhood church to a grieving program, and it helped, but I think I was too numb with pain, depression and antidepressants to absorb all of it. The title of the program was "Through Grief to Joy". I think it just takes time to heal, but in the meantime I try to thank God for the good things in my life and endure through the black tidal wave that sometimes engulfs me.

Look at the group Rebuilding marriage after infidelity and look at the 'how the relationship has changed' post by carol54. It is probably the BEST post I have read since I joined DS.

How do I help my husband through the pain? It's only been three days and seeing him broken is more painful than I ever imagined!