Infidelity Support Group

I WISH I could tell you. :( I could only hang in for a year after finding out the first one....it killed my self esteem and made me miserable. (Mine did not TRY and fix things) so I just kept spiraling downwards. Finding out about the second one was just the last straw, which I did right after I left. It's hit me 1000 times harder...but I am glad to be out of it or it would have drove me crazy. I'm SO sorry you are having such a hard time. ((((HUG))))

I wish I had an answer for you. I am divorced now. My ex would not stop cheating...it became like a drug. If your H is really trying, give him the benefit of the doubt. It could be that some of us have childhood issues that keep the pain ever more present....especially around abandonment and betrayal. Then, maybe we need to work on ourselves. I am so sorry that you are in pain. I could not get over the betrayal and my ex didn't really try...he kept running to find new "soul mates". Marriage is worth saving, especially with a child involved. You can make a new life and new memories. I pray that you can overcome your pain. Love and hugs to you, dear one!!!!! xoxxoox

I FEEL YOUR PAIN.ITS HARD TO FORGIVE SOMEONE THAT HURTS UR SO BAD.I BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT AND I STILL HAVENT FORGIVEIN HIM

It is possible to heal but it is a different process for each of us. Perhaps you need to work on yourself before you can work on your marriage? Having a mate cheat on you can really hurt your self esteem.

I know what you mean and it makes me sad to realise how many people out there feel like me. I really wanna trust and love my partner again but am also finding it really hard. I have started a course of anti-depressants but I feel like it's blocking all the emotion from me. I am in the same place as you and am now wondering if it will ever come back and can I ever truly forgive him? I hope we both find the answer.

Try forgiving one or two things at a time. Start small and allow yourself to feel what it is like to forgive. I hear it is very empowering. (Haven't reached that point myself- it's only been 9 weeks). Try forgiving one thing he did and truly make peace with it.

I like to think forgiveness is a process and it can't all happen at once. So like any other process start small and build from there.

Hugs to you! HTH.

I wish I knew!! I told my husband that I still love him, but not like before. Before I had such a strong passionate LOVE for him. That is gone. I would have married him again in a heartbeat, That is gone, the respect I had for him , That is gone, I have so much disappoint and let down feelings I told him I will never feel the same way towards him. He told me he will wait forever for those feeling to come back, I tried to explain to him those feelings will never come back, they might be replaced with new different feelings but he will never have the love & respect he had before I found out about the affairs. Then I told him him he ruined so much and threw it all away for NOTHING!! What a sad mixed up man.

Liz I can so relate to what you feel. I keep feeling like if this is the kind of pain I'm in for for the rest of my life, then I don't want to be in this relationship even though he is totally remorseful and is trying in every way he can. On the other hand I'm not so sure if I left the pain would go away much less the fact he would eventually move on and then i'd still be in the pain, and see him having "my life" with someone else. I'm not sure that would be any better. So....what I try and do is concentrate on the positives...he did pick me. He did stop the infidelity. He obviously did not have to. (in my case he wasn't in love with her, it was sex) He's putting up with all my crap trying to get through this (as he should but it's still a poistive nonetheless), we have children and if their Dad is trying to be a good dad and husband now, I do not want to be the person to destroy their sense of normalcy and security in life as I come from a divorce too and know what is involved. Whether I leave or stay it will still hurt, if not worse if I leave and have to see him at all the kids functions, future weddings, grandkids. etc etc, not only not with me, but with most likely a new wife. None of that sounds more appealing the hurt I feel now. And also if I do decide to leave, I'll either find someone else who claims they won't do this to me and I won't trust them or I'll vow to never get involved again because of the lack of wanting to trust. So my advice is to keep trying. I dont' know if you are a Christian or not, but for me I am, and the fact that I keep invisioning him with this other woman and focusing on their times together and his complete and utter lack of integrity and morality, is the enemies way of keeping what is good and right in this world from continuing. Forgiveness seems impossible I know, but there is no statue of limitations on it. It may just take longer for some. He obviously does love you and wants to be with you. Do you know how hard it is to know someone truly loves you? You know he loves you have all these years, the good, the bad and knowing he had another path he could've taken and didn't he's with you. So focus on those good things and keep working on forgiveness....and what that actually is. It does not mean you will ever forget. No where in the bible does it say we will forget, but we are called to forgive and if I have to die trying...that I'm commited to, for myself, for God and my children. My husband hopefully too but I can't focus on him right now. I have to focus on the fact that not forgiving is keeping me from the mother I want to be and is a slap in the face to what Jesus went through on the cross so that all of us could be forgiven. Now I say all that knowing I have not forgiven or remotely gotten over it, but these are the things that will give me hope that I should and could. Many prayers and thoughts go out to you and all women that are affected by their spouces sexual sin. I also pray for all men of this world that are tempted every day that they will be faithful.

Thank you all for responding. I endure, and hope that each day will bring a little healing. I guess there is no easy answer. My heart still hurts every day, but it is not all day. I keep the prayer of Saint Francis over my kitchen sink and it ends in "It is in pardoning that we are pardoned" I am trying to rebuild my self-esteem, and it is a very slow process. Having you to express my feelings to helps alot. Thank you,
Liz

I just read your profile. You are sainted. You put up with more than I could have. My STBX cheated on me too for the 4th or 5th time and I'm done. God bless you and I hope you can work it out.