Infidelity Support Group

My husband is a pathological liar. He lies about the smallest of things...like how far away he is on the drive home. He even lies to friends about stuff like that. I don't get it. I always tell the truth...it is easier to remeber and others can verify it.

I am with you. Mine lies to me everyday.

You're right. I don't think a liar is always a liar, but I do think that lying is habit forming. And honesty in a relationship is what keeps it strong and keeps outsiders from damaging it. I think that if you approach you H is a positive way...say thanks, I appreciate you trying to spare my feeling that was a thoughtful thing to do...but, I want our relationship to based on total honesty, even if it means hurting my feelings. Maybe that way he won't feel defenise. It is hard when you try to do something nice, which is maybe how your H saw it, and then the other person takes offence. If you let him know you appreciate his concern it might make him more receptive to your feeling on honesty.

One of the very most painful things is being lied to. My husband lies in very small things, but I believe that truth and lying are habits. If I can't believe him about a candy bar, how can I believe him about a massage parlor? I get very angry with him when he lies and express the terrible feelings it unleashes when he does it.,

After a while they even convince themselves it's the truth! (At least that is how sick my stbx is!) Made me feel crazy! It's the whore's problem now! lol

All people lie (to some degree or another). Some people are liars. People who have affairs basically have to lie to keep the affair going. It doesn't mean they're liars by nature.

Same here!! I told my husband I could have handled the cheating it was his lying to me that hurts so much. Then he tells me he could have lived with the nasty secret of the affairs forever so I would have never found out, so he was willing to lie forever to me, How nice!! I also have told him, NO MORE LIES!!! even if it is a little one, even if it is to spare my feelings, my feelings have been destroyed nothing can spear them now. GOOD LUCK !!!

I would rather be bluntly told, or hurt vs' being lied to..

I do admit one thing here.. and its that since all the nightmare.. I dont always admit that something is wrong w/ me even when there is.. I do this typically because of his depression.
I typically just make myself busy. And sometimes I know I can share things here, or w/ the counselor, and just spare his worries for the time being.. Im not like lying, and know that im not good at it, even if i tried...

The other day I said something regarding a tv show that was playing, and mumbled from accross the room.. that this particuliar phrase sucks basically..
I cant believe he heard me, and has been trying to make me tell him.. Gosh, its something that he says alot, and I just dont want to tell him.. That phrase, was used alot during those days we got ourselves in such a mess w/ the wrong kinds of people.. I truely hate it..

Edit.. Im not one to typically lie, and im no good at it..

Bye the way, he keeps insisting that I tell him this phrase.. and I even told him that its something he says all the time, and that I hate it.. but that I feel its on me.. and that im just trying to see if I can just get over it.. vs having him stop saying it.. or even worse.. saying its dumb of me to hate it

im sorry.. I cant believe im going to add yet another comment.. but I had to say it..

Mrsoutside~ It was most definately the lies that hurt the most

My husband is/was a compulsive liar, which is less pathological than a pathological liar.

Pathological liars are people who lie about their past, where they went to college, what they do for a living (maximise it) and basically invent themselves.

Wanting to; You may mean compulsive, whic is more like they tell lies about little things,as a rule, like their golf score, on a regular basis.

They also lie, about affairs, as do people who are not compulsive liars, as an affair, isnt an affair, if they tell you.

The lying about the affair is to make the field or "game" uneven. They have an advantage...head start,,,leaving you to struggle with being blindsided.

Short story long...AA has encouraged my husband to be honest and he is more honest, about the little and big things.

He is NOT totally honest but is noticably better, so far as little lies are concerned. He is trying to not do things, now that he will want to lie about.

The past, he has not come 100% clean with, but maybe 85%. Life after an affair isnt perfect but it can get better. Old habits are hard to break, a spiritual program like AA or one of those helps!