Infidelity Support Group

I don't think that ever works, mostly because you are going into a relationship to get back at your spouse, not because you like the other person. Some spouses never feel any remorse for what they do. I think the affair would harm you more than it would your husband. Please take care of YOU.

Sure I'd like to hurt him back. Then I was talking to my therapist and she told me more people get herpes in 40's plus then any other age group. That killed an desire I ever had.

I didn't realise how hurtful my actions were, how I was throwing the best thing in my life on the garbage heap, until the shoe was on the other foot. (My wife didn't do it to get back at me though, she didn't know until I admitted it to her during our reconcilliation phase following her affair.)

You might get his attention, and give him a taste of the pain, but you'll cheapen yourself in doing a "I'll show him".

jstanley, it's been asked ands answered, many times; it's ok that you're thinking this way, just remenber you cant take it back, IF, you cross that same line. So, you ask yourself, do you want to live with that mistake. I'll promise you, leaving him will hurt him more; if not now, it will in the long run. You can "play" with fire, just don't jump in.

Before my H moved out of our home and into an apt with "his trash" he actually told me that he wished I would just go out and get laid, so we would be even.... How is THAT getting even?? If you ask me, it was a way for him to not be the sole cause of our breakup. The cowards way out if you ask me!

However, now that he has moved out and on, whether it be permanant or temporary I guess it would no longer be an affair if I were to meet somebody or be with somebody.

I guess it makes a difference if you are together and trying to work things out, or have moved on.

Before my H moved out of our home and into an apt with "his trash" he actually told me that he wished I would just go out and get laid, so we would be even.... How is THAT getting even?? If you ask me, it was a way for him to not be the sole cause of our breakup. The cowards way out if you ask me!

However, now that he has moved out and on, whether it be permanant or temporary I guess it would no longer be an affair if I were to meet somebody or be with somebody.

I guess it makes a difference if you are together and trying to work things out, or have moved on.

I know that broken feeling and I have thought about how he would feel if the situation had been reversed and I were the chaeter --- but they are just idle thoughts. If you were to carry through with this plan there is no guarantee that it would even make him feel bad -- might just make him feel justified. But it just might hurt you , destroy your sense of honor and of right and wrong. You have been in a committed relationship for 23 years -- you are clearly an honorable person, so this doesn't seem like a choice that would make you feel good. Do something to make yourself feel good instead of thinking about things that might make him feel bad.

You may feel broken, but you can put the pieces back together and create a new you. One you can be proud of. Don't resort to what he has done. Live a better life. That is the best revenge.

Could be confussing but I use to be a very vandictive bitch!! Cast of characters
Me, my ex-boyfriend "C" (my first love, childhood, high school, college and still don't trust myself to be alone with, that's why I haven't been for 12 years now)
My Now x husband, "R" only we were not married at the time, almost broke up
"C" then xgftb "D"and "C" next gf "K"
To put this in a nut shell, "R" had cheated on me with "K" 2 years prior. I asked her if she was the "K" that was with R, she said no she just met him. "R" would hit on "D" all the time (D and i became best friend) "D" would brag about how "R" wanted her, how they "talked on the phone when she was alone in her room, tell him about her teddys ect. She really let me know how much R wanted her, and she was with C. D and C broke up, C started seeing K. D was hurt over C and K hooking up, still bragging about her and R, and then K bragged to C that she was the girl that was with R and how she lied to me and how stupid I was and how she could of had R from me ect ect. NOBODY knew that C and I were still VERY close. All the shit everyone was saying they had no idea the WE talked. C let me know what she was saying. I decide to say Fuck it!! What better way to get back at D for bragging, R for being a slut, and K, for her stupidity, I slept with C..again.
When D started to brag again, I said oh yeah, you should hear this from me, I slept with C last week. I told R about it too. Nobody could say anything at all. They just had that stupid look on there face. Does K know, couldn't tell ya. Please keep in mind, NOBODY was married at all!! I am now not this vandictive bitch, but, I have also kept C at arms length. He has recently contacted me, (facebook A whole other topic) So, this is not the best time for me to talk to him. He is now married to K. Believe it or not, I would not do this to her, how do I not do it, keep C away! Oh yeah, no I don't regret it, but I know that if I did that now I would. I have thought about getting my H back for fucking his ex, but I like being able to sleep at night, look in the mirrow without the guilt, and me NOT doing it back has been some sort of payback. Nothing over my head. I wanna keep it that way. So, DON'T DO IT!! Pay back by being respectful to yourself.

I'm sorry to about your pain. 23 years of devotion is a long time. Your time has not been wasted becasue you were living an honest life. If you have children, then you have been a good example for them... Don't change who you are out of bitterness and anger. You deserve goodness and true love and caring . Don't degrade yourself. You will just fell cheat and used. I think we all think it's not fair that the spouse doesn't feel the kind of pain we feel and what they have caused. I agree with the person that said just leave him. Let him know you deserve better if he is not remorseful or at least trying to figure out what went wrong.

Treat yourself like the honorable person you are.