Infidelity Support Group

I agree. If he gets away with it, then that gives him permission to do it again.

I just listened to an AUdiobook - very cute- The Sweet Potato Queen's advice on Weddings and Divorces. Very funny:) But she did say a couple things that did make sense. She said to NEVER accept that a man will TRY to change something or TRY to stop some given behavior that is hurtful or damaging to you. She said he either STOPS it or your leave. There is no TRYING! He is not allowed to use that word - "I will try to remember or TRY to be more loving, caring, attentive, etc..." If you STAY, then you are communicating to him that his behavior is acceptable. She says that men are conditioned to trust actions over words. That is why responds to your actions more. You can threat and rant, but his behavior will only submit to your actions. So - when they cheat, and you stay, you are basically telling them that behavior is acceptable to you on some level - or that there are other personal values that are more important to you than him being unfaithful...and more than likely you will tolerate it AGAIN to maintain the other values. Maybe this is why most people cheat again...because most betrayed spouses stay??? Just a thought - not mine originally, just sharing.

this is something i often worry about, because i am working towards forgiving my husband and i fear that if we get past this then he will know he can do it again and i will forgive again. i guess it all depends on the person you are dealing with, i really beleive that my husband is sorry and does not want to ever hurt me like that again but who knows, if the right piece of ass comes along, maybe he will. i do agree that if you have forgive his infedility multipule times than he is walking all over you because he knows you won't leave. don't stay for your kids because them seeing this unhealthy relationship is much worse for them than a divorce.

OMG! Are you part of those Sweet Potato Queen people? LOL.

I don't necessarily think that staying gives them permission to do it again. I stayed, but she and I sat down and drew some firm boundaries. If she contacted him again, she was to leave. No questions asked. Just leave. She agreed. She also wanted to add that she didn't want to ever have a close male friend again. That was her idea and not mine. So, that became part of the boundary. If she ever crossed the lines of the boundaries, she would leave. I don't have to kick her out. So, I do think that if you sit down together and come up with clear boundaries and consequences of crossing those boundaries, then it can work.

Song,
I think if you dont set clear boundaries and consequences, as Oops said, they are more likely to cheat again.

I think that cheaters are people who push boundaries, by nature and after an affair, they NEED a ver tight leash.

If you say, call and find us a counselor or you and nothing happens you say, it needs to be done by Friday or you can start looking for a place to live, And mean it! Unless they are motivated, I am afraid that some people just take, when given the opportunity.

Best to you and I know how hard it is. Sometimes it just takes more time.

"...and told my H, that if he ever did that to me again, we are over."

I think you should end it! He was warned... and it didn't seem to matter!

Oh honey he will surely do it again if there is no REPERCUSSIONS FOR HIS ACTIONS. Mine cheated about 4 times..but as soon as I meet a guy I like here he comes dragging his aptrhetic azz. So now I just don't give a F---. I treat him like dirt, I disrespect him at any given time..and when he questions why I let her rip. I told him since he lied and told his whore how miserable he was with me I'll die making it a reality. He is really being a good boy lately..but I'm not letting up and I'll never be faith ful again. Yes love if there is a slut out there willing and knows about you and doesn't care..they usually go for it. Make his life a living hell and he won't be so quick to creep. They have to know you mean business.

LOL!! NOT a Sweet Potato Queen by ANY stretch :) But I do think she is funny...sometimes :)