Infidelity Support Group

We were up front with our families and told them. I needed their support. I asked her to tell her family and I told mine. In the end, we both got the support we needed from both families. They took the pressure of the holidays off the first year and they are still doing well with that. Both families have been great about forgiving and helping us both to move on. My family has always been very open with the communication issues. So, I couldn't imagine going through something like this without them knowing. Yes, it was very hard on my wife the first few times we visited. But, they love her and they have worked through their anger.

I told my H if his kids knew what he had done they would not be inpressed. He said if I said anything it would also reflect on me and how they felt towards me. As it is I can't really tell any one close to me so will just have to suck it up and try to have a nice time with my mom, my H and his kids. Being able to vent here is the best I can do for myself and it does help. The holiday season is the hardest time for anyone who is hurting because of a selfish spouse. I hope everyone on this board can find some peace for themselves at this Christmas time.

I, too, am very nervous about the holidays. What's interesting is that my family and my mother-in-law have ALL been very supportive and forgiving of me. They all realize the burden I've carried for 25 years, with an alcoholic husband in serious denial of his problem, who has verbally and emotionally abused me on and off over the years! MH and I both promised each other NOT to discuss his drinking or my affair to each other or any of our family while they're here for Christmas. However, I can't help but be very nervous that something still might go wrong, especially if MH decides to engage in drinking. My counselor has been terrific is helping me with better responses to MH's sarcastic and cruel remarks. Then, hopefully I will be able to diffuse a bad situation before it even starts. If he says something that upsets me, she suggested the following: STOP; BREATHE; CENTER (kind of like meditating to calm yourself); OBSERVE (think about WHY you're upset, and what's triggering you). Then, if you hone in on the source of what's upsetting you, usually you can talk yourself out of being upset, and/or keep yourself from responding in anger. When you do respond, make sure it's with a neutral tone, putting the ball back in their court. Don't allow yourself to argue and be brought down to their level. She also told me not to allow him to steal away my power, and my strength. Put downs do that to me so easily because I'm very sensitive. MH knows this about me, so she told me when he does this, he's probably testing me to see what my reaction will be. From now on, I have to be strong and show him he can't hurt me anymore! She told me if things DO get bad to always have a plan B in mind - like having a hotel in mind to escape to. One final note: Stay out of talking about past behavior and/or future predictions. Just stay in the now - one day at a time. I'm seeing my counselor again later in the week, so if she has other suggestions, I'll be sure to pass them along! That'll be $50! LOL! Everyone have a peaceful and safe holiday!!

I just finished Thanksgiving out of state with huge family. I have kids involved and his family who I truly love too. I decided to be quiet. They don't need to be punished too. I had my one friend who knows and we emailed all weekend as my way of venting. Believe me there are times I wanted to stand on a table and yell. I also decided that I needed to have fun too. I tried focusing really hard on having a good time and not letting all my issues with my husband ruin the holiday. It actually worked. My husband and I had some fun moments too that we so needed together. Some reallity hit when we got home but the holiday was fun.

If I were you I wouldn't tell anyone else about it. You have your bestfriend for support, which is good. You never know how your other family or friends will take these news. You have decided to work things out because you are still together, they might think you should do otherwise. Or want to talk about it when you don't etc. But, you know your family and friends best...that is just my own personal fear.I have told my sister,and his mom. While his mother is supportive of me, sometimes I don't want to talk about it with her or at all, and if I had to do it again, I would have only told my sister.My husband cheated and had a baby with someone else on Thanksgiving, I focused on enjoying myself with my family and not on him. It wasn't easy, but I did it. Try to focus on the people that make you happy during the holidays, and hopefully you'll be able to put it behind you atleast for that night.

Holidays are hard when something like this is revealed to us. If you are trying to work it out with your H then I say let it go and try to do the best you can and enjoy the season. I know it will be hard but I think that is the 1st step in moving beyond all this. Just let it go. We will never forget what happened but maybe we can move on into another, possibly better, stronger stage of our lifes together in the relationship. As we all know the relationship will never be the same.
I wish you much luck and happiness through the holiday season.

It's tough but I chose not to involve my family. I get so upset though when my children think that I'm being hard on my husband about an issue, I just want to scream and say all sorts of really bad stuff. I decided that being a kid is tough enough, and they don't need to deal with my adult problems. But let me tell you, my poor friend (bless her heart) gets a huge earfull later on. Best of Luck!