Infidelity Support Group

Please take a deep breath and decided what you want... I thought i wanted all the details my husband gave them to me my d-day was 10/26/06 life is still tough... He has continued the friendship behind my back been caught several times and still begs me back 31 years together i just am now at a stand point. Trust in god get some help and love yourself never think this was about you. This was about a selfish man wanting his cake and eating it to.. My husband was and is in a midlife crisis ... Best of luck anytime you need to talk i can be both positive and supportive -Cheers Believe in you!

I think roadrunner offers good advice, but to answer your question, it is ABSOLUTELY normal to focus on what the OW looks like. Don't obsess over it--it will just drive you nuts over something you can't change (believe me, I know). But yeah...totally normal. I'm so sorry for what you're going through--I hope it gets better. :(

Hi I know how you feel but do you really want to see her. If you think she is prettier than you. you will be sad and mad. and it she is not as pretty as you will be sad and mad. sometimes i do not think it is always the looks cause the affairs it is the talking the sympathy the understanding which all amounts to a bunch of bull crap and lies. You will find the desire to see her might lessen in time. it is not an odd thing to foucus on. I wish the best for you what ever you decide. Know that you can find a lot of support on this site. Take care of yourself and like road runner said take a deeeeeep breath.

I think one is better off not knowing. That way you can`t really picture them together, which makes dealing with this a little easier.

if you realley want to confront this woman I found something you should read 6 strategies for confronting the ow you will find it in lifescript www.lifescript.com/channels/well_b...
This is well worth reading. it may help you some. best wishes to you.

It is totally normal what you are feeling. But if I had to do it all over again I would not want to know every little detail including what she looked like. I saw the OW for the first time the night before my H asked me to leave, I unfortunetaly can recall every single thing about her.....at the time I didn't know my H was having an affair with her but I knew something was up, she didn't say a word to me the whole night..she was probably chuckling to herself that my H was sleeping with her and about to kick my butt out. Anyways, I can picture her in my mind so clearly, and in turn I can see her screwing my H and laying in my bed. I wanted to know every little detail so I know what you are feeling, but trust me it will only cause yourself more pain. Best of luck.

Thank-you all. I am new at this and really in all my dreams never expected to be in the place where I am. You have all offered good advise and I shall just try to take one day at a time, I never knew it would be this hard. I always tried to be the "good" person and think the best of people now I am not so sure. I kinda resent that I have been changed.

Wanting to know what she looks like to me is completely natural. I have the unfortunate pleasure of knowing, and in my opinion it sometimes can be better not to know. In my case, the OW is not attractive at all, so for me it became an ego thing on top of the hurt, like why HER? I think you might just be in shock and maybe it is better to focus your energy in another place. Putting a face with the pain at times just makes it worse for me. Hope this helps.

Well I didnt have a choice I found her pictures and let me tell you somedays I am glad I saw them others not so much I dont want to imagine them together it still breaks my heart but then again I know I am better then her and look better then her and I can give him more then she ever would be able to.

My experience is different than the posts I have read thus far. I confronted her in person and am very glad I did. I wanted more info because my H was holding back and I wanted to tell her, in a calm way, what I thought of her.

I did both, found out more info and told her of the things he had told me. She became very upset when she discovered that he had betrayed their perfect relationship. When she started crying, I said goodbye and left.

I did not tell my husband but he found out from a neighbor of hers. I kept what she told me to myself and when he would minimize or lie, I would say, "she already told me so there is no point in lying"! It gave me some of my power back and that felt good.