Infidelity Support Group

Hi nic,
My H had a 14yrs affair, after the shock settled in we started talking and it became like when we first started dating,sex, talking etc. I became like a child that held on for dear life. Afaid of everything and everybody, trying to do everything I could that I thought would make him happy and at the same time suffering terribly. I had the same swings, I think they are a part of this whole damn mess. I now 7 yrs into this and signed divorce papers 2 weeks ago. My H couldn't understand why I just couldn't let it go forever and had no time for my occasional outbursts. He understud as long as he thought it was still appropriate for me to get upset and then started to get ignorant and very uncaring. How long it takes you to move on is an individual thing I guess but for me it would have taken longer. Now he has a new G/F so I guess it doesn't matter how long it would have taken me. Keep going for help, hang in there, it can work if your husband is willing to love you like he should through your pain, that is the least they could do for us???????
Love and Prayers

Almost a year since I found out about the A's and I still feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I think we have to be patient with ourselves too, we all have our own way of healing. I really enjoyed reading this thread, made me feel more normal. Some days I feel like a b**** because I say stuff to him that is just mean and then I think wtf he put us here let him suffer some too.
I do think it is harder for some men to talk, they are not good at expressing themselves and they worry about saying the wrong thing and making things worse. I keep telling my H he has to figure out why he had the A if he is to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Thanks for bringing this up nic. We'll have great days where I couldn't be happier and the next day will be chaos. Last week we had this great date (i posted about it) and the next day I packed up all of her stuff and told her to leave. We resolved it, but it still happened. I think what happens is that I put myself out there, become vulnerable and then feel like an idiot for being so kind. Some instinctual part of my brain kicks in and takes over. So, I feel like a fool again and this triggers my anger. I'm learning, though, to meditate in those moments (sounds crazy) and to keep my big mouth shut.

I found out over the weekend with absolutlely no warning signs. He'd been sneaking around so good that I didn't even notice. He is 50 and she is 36. Now he says he is divorcing me because he wants to have a baby with her. I was devasted and so hurt. I take out my anger in my daily journal. He has been sickning sweet to me and it makes me want to vomit. Well my motto is when a door closes a window always opens. I will start a new life and be free of him.

I know exactly what you are feeling. It has only been 2 months that I found out and it is tearing me up inside. I am very bitter and angry. I still try to snoop and find anything that I could but so far nothing. I really want to work it out and he is trying but I am just having a really hard time getting close to him again. I feel as though I am living in a bubble because I can not endure the pain anymore. I thought he was my soul mate but I guess I was wrong. I did not know that love was suppose to hurt this bad.

Two months seems like an eternity to you, it did to all of us. It takes a looooong time to heal.

I am 7 months out, at 2 months I was in the worst hell of my life. I then stuffed it down to get on with the holidays and my daughter's wedding and moving.


Soon after I fell back apart, I never took the time to really deal with all of the pain and emotions.

Be kind to yourself, post here often.. It takes time, but we can all promise...it will get better.

Sorry to hear that you are going through all of these emotional swings. I still go through them after 5 years he confessed me of his A. He has made it up by treating me so much better than before. He has shown me that he loves me and that he wants to stay with me. I forgave him, but many times the thoughts of him and his A haunt me. It is possible to rebuild your relationship with him and to feel the love again. But I don't think it is possible to ever forget the A.