Infertility Support Group

I was in your situation this time last year. My husband and I always said that IVF wasn't for us--we used the words "we'd call it before IVF." But when we got to that point we just weren't ready to give up. We decided to give IVF a go. I wish I could tell you we were one of the lucky ones for whom it worked the first time. It didn't--we've done three and are planning our fourth and final one (for financial and emotional reasons) but after this, we'll know we gave it our absolute all. BUT, I certainly know many people for whom IVf was the solution , so don't base your decision on cases like mine! :)

All I can say is that you just never know how you'll feel until you get there, so don't rule anything out. Trust your heart you'll know what feels right. Adoption is a wonderful option, IVF is a doable option--they're both stressful and probably have their positives and negatives.

Good luck, and you've found a great support group!

PS I have a blog which has chronicled our second and third IVF and where we are now. It's public: www.planetdavila.blogspot.com and it's raw and real and lately about all kinds of things including infertility but there are tons of blogs out there chronicling these journeys. It can sometimes help just to read others stories.

Sorry this was long!

Susan,
You sound just like me about 5 months ago. Lets go back to March 08. I had a HSG that showed I did not have a right fallopian tube. Now, this is a problem since I only have a right ovary. I have a Lap done at the end of March and there was no way to connect my tube. All of the sudden, I am faced with a decision I hoped to never have to make. Adopt or do IVF. We had never even done IUI, only 3 cycles of Clomid with TI. I had always said, No IVF! I thought it was way to much to put your body through. I got the info from the RE and my DH and I decided to discuss it. He really wanted to go through with the IVF but I was still very uncomfortable with it. He finally told me, "Don't you want to say you tried everything to have a baby?" I realized he was right, I did. We took out an IF loan to cover the costs and decided to go ahead with it. I did my IVF in June. While it was a difficult experience for me, I am glad that I did it. I ended up with 28 eggs retived and 16 fertilized. We transfered 1 embyro and froze 11 embryos. We will be starting our first FET here in just a few days. Overall, I say it was worth the pain that I suffered, now I have 11 hopes that we will have our own child. However we have decided not to do another fresh IVF cycle. If we use up our 11 embies and still no baby, we will adopt at that point.

God bless you for considering both. While IVF seems "unnatural", it is a definitive way to help people conceive, and it has worked, time and time again. Not for me...yet, I'm on my second try.

We can't answer why we're in the situation we're in with infertility, but I look at it this way, IVF is a science, one that has statistics involved with it. I feel like maybe I was meant to be one of those statistics. If science through IVF gets me the second child I want (first through IUI), then I don't care how it happens. I've thought about adoption, but I know I want my own kids. If I can't DH and I will consider adoption, but I have to exhaust all efforts.

I don't think there is anything wrong with using science to get what you want. We all need some sort of assistance in life, infertility or otherwise. Go for it!

Well, I was where your at now too. We are doing our first IVF in Sept. Never in a milliion years did I think I'd be here. I guess it's like the saying goes, "Don't judge until you've walk a mile in their (and in this case, in the IF) shoes." I always thought no too. Well, my thoughts changed and so did DH. All I can say is you have to do what you feel is right for you and DH. My boss and his wife (PCOS) ended up adopting and didn't do IVF mostly because she was scared if there were multiples, she couldn't live with the thought of selective reduction if needed, so she wasn't going to chance it at all. Plus I think she had had all she could handle with the IF treatments, etc. and was ready for it to end. I guess somehow you will know/figure out what/how far you can go.

Good luck!

Thanks to those who have responded so far. I already feel somewhat more at ease knowing at least I'm not the only one who isn't immediately gung-ho on IVF. I'll add a comment to the thoughts I already posted and add a follow-up question.

One of the reasons I know I'm still not ready to commit to IVF is that I don't want anyone to know. I want to keep it secret as we're going through it, and even if we are lucky enough to have a child, I don't think I'd want anybody to know that's how he/she was conceived. Therefore, I feel like if I can't tell people about it, I must in my heart of hearts think it's wrong. Are those of you pursuing IVF open about it with your friends/family/co-workers? Is anybody planning to keep that info private??

I think I can answer your post from several angles. Both my sister and I have struggled with IF. She did several rounds of IUI and then stopped and waited a few years and then choose to adopt from the foster care system. Just as her adoption was finalized I found out that I was unable to concieve without help and that IUI would not work for us, that our only choice was IVF. I too used to feel that that was a sign from above that maybe that was another avenue out there. But when I thought that I was completely giving up without any fight I decided that I had to at least try. I did two rounds of IVF, and am currenly pregnant with twins and due in 6 weeks. I feel that I did make the right choice, and I have choose to only tell close family and friends. I don't believe that it is anyone's business and even my OB and I had a discussion at my last appointment that the way my children were concieved would not follow them. Follow your heart. I simply adore my neice and believe that she belongs in our family and that she was the child that God picked for my sister. And I believe that these were the children sent to me. Just a different path. If you ever want to talk please feel free to reach out.

Here's a question to ask yourself. God forbid if you had cancer would you have surgery, chemo and radatation? This and a lot of prayer is how my husband and I came to deside to go forward with IVF. We are both christians and were given some flack from a few people at chruch about it. Pray about it and if you feel released to do so then "Go Big".
You couldn't ask for a better support group, all the ladies here are amazing and very supportive. God Bless! :)

As a follow up to your second question...obviously we aren't keeping it a secret since we blog about it openly! And our friends and family follow our blog. But when we first started I was going to keep it a secret from my friends and only tell my mom and sister. But I found it was too tough to not talk about it--IVF is pretty involved and there are lots of shots, doctor's appointments, and stress. So it was helpful for me to have the support.

Once I opened up I found it helped. But again, this is just my story/opinion. IF is stressful enough--so try not to question everything you're thinking, just allow yourself to have different feelings and know you always have the right to change your mind because how you feel in this moment may not be how you feel next month, next week, or even tomorrow!

Best of luck to you!

My partner and I also struggled with the decision to do IVF. About 2 years ago, at my best friend's wedding, my other best friend announced she was pregnant with twins through IVF, and I remember thinking, "My God, I would never go that far to have a child." I was extremely judgmental of her, and since we are both social workers, felt that she of all people should want to adopt a child out of foster care if she could not conceive "naturally." My friend lost one of the twins early on, and gave birth to a beautiful little girl who I love with all my heart. She then adopted a 16-year-old girl out of foster care and, around the same time, learned she had somehow managed to conceive "naturally" and is five months pregnant with a little girl.
Fast forward to this March: after trying on our own for a few months, our midwife recommended my partner and I visit an RE to "up our odds a little bit". We learned that my partner has hypothyroidism, stage 3 endometriosis, and ovulatory problems and we would probably never conceive on our own. We struggled for weeks with the decision even to continue with the RE, and I remembered how judgmental I had been of my friend before. What it comes down to is that most women and men have a biological drive to reproduce themselves. Some people are amazing and, whether infertile or not, make the choice to adopt and help the children already on this planet who need loving homes. Others of us cannot walk away from that biological drive to have our own children until we have tried absolutely everything to do so. A lot of my fear around doing IVF came from dealing with judgmental people -- just like how judgmental I was of my friend. But we all have to make our own choices in what feels right for us, and the fact that you are not ready to walk away from trying to have your own baby should tell you a lot about yourself and your priorities. And you are absolutely right -- your choice in making your child does not have to follow him/her for the rest of his life, although, as a formerly judgmental person about IVF, I do not look at my friend's beautiful daughter and think about how she got here, all I do is celebrate the fact that she is here and so wonderful in so many ways. Good luck. It is a very tough choice so take your time so you make the right one.

Until a year ago, I had no fertility issues. We already have an 8 year old and got pg with him our first month to try and got pg again last June on the first month to try again. Then, fate intervened. I ended up having an ectopic to rupture (lost right tube) and when they were removing it, they found a tumor on my left ovary (lost left ovary). So, now I became infertile without the help of IVF. I truly believe that God has given us modern medicine to help women achieve their dream. I knew he had already blessed me with a child so it was up to us to expand our family. IVF is financially, emotional, and physically draining... that is no doubt. But, I know for a fact that the benefits have outweighed everything else. The process brought DH and I closer together, we appreciate the blessing of our son more, but are so grateful to be blessed with our son due in October because of the challenges we overcame. Sorry this is so long, but I have been on both sides of the fence and have had the privilege to watch the courageous women on this site struggle, cry, laugh, and overcome the challenges and I think in the end they would all say the same thing. You can always look back and never wonder "what if?" if you gave it a try..... no matter the outcome. Good luck and we're here if you need us.