Infertility Support Group

This is an interesting question Shannon. I guess I would say that you ahve to consider a few things. To you, does being a mom mean being pregnant? This is a key question. If you feel very strongly about experiencing pregnancy, then I would say go for the donor eggs and the donor sperm. It would still give you the chance to have that experience. If being pregnant, is not as important to you and you are willing to wait longer to have a child, as adoptions can take a few years, then adoption would be a great path. Either way, you will be a great mother. We will be here for you, whatever decision you and your DH make. GL!!!

I guess my other fear is to spend another 30K on a donor cycle and then it fail.. that could have paid for adoption.. Uhgg.. I am just so conflicted.

I am also struggling with going through my whole life and never being pregnant. Would I always feel like I missed something? Would I ever get over that feeling?

Sorry girls, tonight is a rough one.

I know both are expensive but is there anyway you could explore both possibilities at the same time? For me, I want the experience of being pregnant and delivering. But if I can't, then adoption is definitely not out of the question because ultimately I want to be a mom. It is a tough decision you have to make, what does dh think about it? Good luck!

What a hard decision to make! I hope that you and your DH can come to a decision that feels right for you both, no opinions here - just sending good wishes your way.

That is a hard decision, I can see why you are struggling with this. I say that donor eggs with donor sperm sounds nice for the fact that you can carry your baby inside of you and you will have all of the influences on your baby from day one.

On the other hand it is VERY expensive with no guarantee, where you can spend that money and have a much higher guarantee with adoption.

I think the ultimate decision for me would boil down to if I needed to carry the baby myself or not. Good luck and I hope you find the decision you are looking for soon!

Shanny, my DH and I used Donor sperm. We are currently doing an ivf cycle with it. We are also using my DH sperm. He was born with out his vas deferen tube that takes the sperm from the sac to around the prostat to mature and head to the shaft. So his was apsirated. We tried his but not successful. So we had one vial of donor and one vial of DH's left and we are currently using them. It was hard for my DH to do this but he came around. At the end of the day i wanted to carry a child myself. If this cycle doesn take i will be again at cross roads. I wish you peace and warm thoughts. Talk about it up front and honest with each other. Sometimes time and hearing your self out load makes you realize this is the answer for you. Keep us posted on your decision!

I too think it comes down to how essential carrying a baby is to you. Lots of babies and toddlers in the world who need homes but if you think you'll have a empty place in your heart without the experience and bonding associated with pregnancy then I think that is the tie breaker. I'd visit some adoption websites/blogs and ask for feedback from them. Good luck, stay positive. It is no where near giving up time!

No personal experience, but just opinions. I think why not if you want to experience pregnancy. Also, you can control your lifestyle whereas with adoption, you can't control how someone treats their body. That being said, I think adoption is great too. Go for whatever makes you happy!

I am using donor eggs currently, but using DH's sperm. To be honest, for me it is really about the desire I have to experience pregnancy. I want to feel a child move in me, I look forward to delivery, and I want to breastfeed! I personally would use both if I had to, but then again that is just my opinion. I want the experiences that go with carrying & delivering a baby...not just the baby. Everyone is different.

I hope you & your DH can talk thru this together. It is a very personal choice & we can't make it for you. I pray that you two find the answers you are looking for...good luck my friend. You know that we are all rooting for you always!!! Hugs!!!

I'm just starting my first attempt at IVF using both donor eggs AND donor sperm.

I tried IVF with my eggs and had 5 failures. urg. I gave up and adopted... my son is almost 2 and I've had him since he was 36 hours old. He is truly the best decision that I ever made and I can't imagine loving him anymore if he were genetically mine.

Since he was born I've been ttc again - I thought maybe the pressure off would lead to success... no such luck.

Finally the RE said those harsh words - time to move to donor eggs. I thought the same thing as you did... if it's donor eggs and donor sperm, why even spend the $30K. And, since I have been elated with my son, why not just adopt again?!

After a few weeks of pontification, I decided that the experience of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding was worth the money. Even if it doesn't work, I'll know I exhausted all possibilities. But, as I await AF to start the IVF process, I'm trying to stay optimistic.

Take care and good luck!!