Infertility Support Group

My hubby and I have discussed this as well. We have decided we would adopt.

I think I would do the donor egg then if that didn't work then adoption of course. I guess the way I see it you get the enjoyment of giving birth to a beautiful baby you get to nurse it and love it because it is yours. That egg is the same as adopting but you get then chance to be pg for nine months!! In the end that baby will be your baby if you get a donor egg or if someone gives birth and lets you adopt.

It's still rather rough, but thought I'd share it anyway. Nice to know you married the supportive kind, Huh!

There's a Stranger in My Bed

There's a stranger in my bed tonight
Although I know him very well.
He doesn't know the pain I feel
Although it's one that we both share.

I lay my head down on the pillow
And tell him I love him dear
And then I hear him snoring,
Not knowing my face is full of tears

Now I want to crawl into another bed
and share that bed with our son instead.
At least then I'd feel as if
I'm cared about and wanted.

If only that stranger could empathize
Instead of filling me with dread.
He made me feel ridiculous for admitting I need help
“Why would you turn to stranger instead of giving me a shout”

“I’ve cried and cried for hours
And my voice has not been heard!”
“How DARE you try to make me feel
My feelings are invalid!”

“You’re not a woman
So how could you know?
This is PAIN
Not JUST a feeling!”

How sad to find the man I love
Will never understand
How hard it is to sleep in peace
With a stranger in the bed.

~Jan A.Posted on 10/05/07, 08:10 pm

Your body, your choice.

Your baby, your choice.

It's an issue where there is no compromise between my husband and myself. If I say I'm not comfortable, then he's not comfortable and vice versa. Give it some time, love. Guys are SLOW sometimes. You might just need to sit down and explain to him exactly what he's saying.

Sometimes dont you wish you didnt know the truth behind youre infertility? I think it would be easier to deal with. My husband's sperm is the problem in our quest for a kid. Neither of us want to do ICSI with donor sperm. $$$$ I wouldnt mind AI, but its not an option due to my endometriosis. I guess in the end you have to ask yourself what is most important for you...is it to be a mom or actually give birth? For me being a mom is the end goal, being pregnant is not, especially if its not my husband's and mine. Every woman has different desires, you need to do whats most important for you.

DH and I have discussed whether we would be open to donor eggs/sperm if the time came, but I think unless we reach that position it is difficult to say what we would really do. I know in my heart that one day I will be a mom whether I give birth to my child or not. I am still not giving up hope that I will be able to conceive a child of my own, but now that at the end of the treatments if it does not happen for us, I know in my heart the next step would be adoption. DH also agrees that he wants a family - it just might not happen the way we originally planned. At this stage, I am more open and comfortable with adoption then he is, but we have been discussing this more and more so that if/when the time comes we will already be in agreement in order to move onto the next step. I recentty heard a woman say that she and her DH were not open to adoption when they were going through IF treatments b/c they did not want to raise someone else's child and I was so struck by that statement because the way I feel about adoption is that even if the child was conceived by a different couple, once you bring that baby home they are your child and no one else's. Good luck with your decision. As long as you and your DH make it together then you know it will be the right decision.

I was think about adopting but it is so $$$$$$$$$$.

I wasn't comfortable with the the idea of 1/2 husband 1/2 donor baby. I completely understand where you stand on that. But it is such a personal decision. If the situation were reversed, and he wouldn't go for donor sperm, then asking you to use donor eggs is hypocritical. If you can, keep him talking about it, it will be the only way to understand each other's perspective.

I am not sure what I would do, to be honest. I really want to carry a child, so...
But, if he wouldn't want to use another mans sperm, than you should not feel you have to use another womans egg.
I wish you the best!

It is completely up to you and your husband what is right for your family. My husband and I were very lucky -- we have two kids of our own. So I probably will not use donor eggs if we don't get pregnant with our IVF. But that is still open for discussion.

Certainly if we did not have kids, I am sure that we would choose to use donor eggs, or donor sperm for that matter, whichever was necessary. It's just what we both would want -- as much of each other in our kids as possible. My SIL, because of advanced maternal age, used donor eggs and they have twins who are VERY much BOTH of theirs, not "his".