Healthy Sex Support Group

I'm here but not sure how to make you laugh...?
Tickle,tickle,tickle...

lol tray thanx...

u got any good jokes?xxx

Not that I can think of..

MMMM LETS SEE !

THERE WAS THIS ELEPHANT TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF A CAMEL SO HE ASKED HIM " HHAA HAA WHY DO YOU HAVE TITS ON YOUR BACK?? HAHA THE CAMEL RESPONDS " HAHA WHAT KIND OF QUESTION FROM A FUCKER THAT HAS A DICK ON HIS FACE" !!

HOPE IT HELPED LOL

haha alex...i don't know about strongbow but that made me laugh..........

Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.


What do most blondes get on an IQ test?
Drool.


These two blondes walk into a building.
You'd think one of them would have seen it.


Why does a blonde keep empty beer bottles in her fridge?
They are for those who don't drink!


What do you call an eternity?
Four Blondes at a four way stop.


How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
The cow sat down!

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



Keep reading-they get better!!!




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WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."








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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,

and still be afraid of a spider.








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MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man,

"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?








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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store

to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco

and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)








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WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."








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WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"








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CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!








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WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and beside s, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says . "HEBREWS"








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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home

and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him

at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,

when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.








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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

My new outlook on life. It is so much easier!



LADIES!!!!!!!!!
?
?

Remember...a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it.

'A House becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture.'

I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just
perfect - 'in case someone came over'
Finally I realized one day that no-one came over; they were all out living life and
having fun!
NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home.

They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I
was away living life and having fun.
If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it!
Dust if you must .......


but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter,
bake cookies or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed,
ponder the difference between want and need?!
Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . . .

with beer to drink , rivers to swim and mountains to climb?,
music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must,

but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes,
the wind in your hair,
a flutter of snow, a shower of rain.
This day will not come around, again.

Dust if you must?,
but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind. . .

And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust!

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you
have lived.

Dillards Shopping


Clutching there Dillards shopping bags, Ellen & Kay woefully gazed down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. What business could that poor kitty have had here? "murmured Ellen.
"Come on, Ellen, lets just go..."
But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue. "She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.
They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing there goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's bag in the trunk, warmed by the TEXAS sunshine while they at e, Kay's Lumina would soon loose that new car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. But not for long! As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by the car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking a stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision.
Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement.

It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine? "finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black-haired woman with THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, Brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched the scene unfold:
After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat.
After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognized a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911,while she administered the Heimlich maneuver. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen & Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived.
In a matter of minutes the black-haired woman emerged from the crowd still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well-trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors,........ the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach!!
Sometimes God does take care of those who do bad things!!!!
(And once in awhile .He allows us to witness it!)

Blondes

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie? They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."


A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?" "No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest." "So then?" asked the doctor. "Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid $3, 000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth. "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that," he asked? "Why, that's a thermos.... It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied..... ."Two popsicles and some coffee."

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest." "Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. "What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?" he asks. "No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!"