Healthy Sex Support Group

I've been with my wife for over 8 years and we have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. Our sex life was really great up until the time we had our child. After the first couple of months I had hoped that the sex life would begin to return to 'normal'. Well, 3 1/2 years later and it still hasn't. I love my wife, we get along really well and don't fight except for a couple times as it related to this subject. It really seems like once we had our daughter she became SuperMom and has devoted 98% of her efforts to her and I have become a complete after thought. I have communicated extensively with her about this and we have even gone to a family therapist. We did not discuss sex directly but we discussed that my wife does not put any effort towards making time for us. We did not go for long, but in the last session the therapist said to my wife that she was clearly making the decision to not spend time with me. I think she is 'addicted' to spending time with our daughter but its killing our relationship. We used to have sex nearly every day, which is ideal for me, but now its maybe once a month and always because I initiate. She says that its only temporary and things will get better when our daughter gets older. Still, at 3 1/2 our daughter sleeps in our bed a majority of the time and nothing is changing, its not getting better and I don't want to wakeup 10 years from now in the same nightmare. My wife sometimes looks at me like a neanderthal caveman because I have desire for sex. If I had a nickel for everytime she said to "just take care of it" I'd be rich. I've run the gamut of emotions from sad to furious to defeated. I love my daughter and the last thing in the world I want is a divorce or to be in a situation where I couldn't be with my daughter every day like I am now. Its such an evil situation - stay in a virtual prison with a spouse who no longer wants anything to do with you - or destroy or deeply harm the life and relationship of a defenseless child that you love. I could never bring myself to do that, so I feel like Im facing another 10 years or more of this prison before my daughter could even begin to deal with this very adult situation. I would never have an affair. I never understood why a man or woman coul have an affair, but now I understand. If I could live with myself I would have an affair. Sometimes I wonder if my wife would allow it, so I could "take care of it" while still keeping the family unit together. What can I do?!
Posted on 06/21/08, 01:06 am