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help with my bf
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my bf and i are in love. relationship is not in crisis BUT there are a few things I need help in understanding. Our sex drives are opposite each other. I initiate it WAY more often then he does. He feels like it is a "chore" to participate in foreplay, he gets "bored" and i can tell so get turned off. then he is upset because of my mood. ??? and the activities in bed that are enjoyable to me such as oral he won't play. oral for me of course not for him. tried every approach under the sun from refusing till he did it to me to porn to a letter you name it. i feel as if sex is rushed and get it over with mentality and have discussed this. no good. have any ideas out there? please?
Posted on 05/15/08, 01:05 am |
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Gosh, honey, I completely understand your frustration. Unfortunately, I don't have many answers. This was one big issue that ended my marriage eventually.
My stbx did try once for about 2 months. He went to a doc (for a 3rd time, the first 2 dismissed him), and he was put on an antidepressant. His sex drive totally did a 180. He had one all of a sudden. It was a mild depression he had. Unfortunately, he quit taking his meds b/c he thought he could do it alone, and everything stopped. But thats what I might advice. Is him talking to a doc if he knows how important it is to your relationship. Depends how big an issue it is for you all. At any rate, i wish you all the best. And know you are not alone! 
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getting on the right track isn't always that easy. So many things come into the bedroom with you.. for ex, a bad day.. for him or for you.. Some men just don't have it others do. Perhaps you will have the patience to turn this around.. because you most certainly will need it. I myself.. never had the patience for someone who couldn't fullfill my needs..unless they didn't care if I went elsewhere for the satisfaction.. because with or without approval it was bound to happen.
as far as the rushed and get it over with mentality.. thats an issue all its own.. who can.. seriously enjoy themselves under that pressure..I know I can't .. he needs to learn more about the intimacy part instead of just the act itself.
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Wow, I just don't understand some guys. My friend has bipolar and, according to what his GF tells me, has no sex drive whatsoever, zero. Is your BF bipolar or depressed, or just not in touch with his tender or sexual feelings? I think these issues go deeper than just physical.
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