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Flirty Husband + Divorced Friend = Bad Idea?
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My husband made friends with a co worker, all 3 of us work together, although I'm not there that much becasue it isn't my main job. He had been helping her move, hugging her, posing for pics, playing golf with her ex husband, and even had a secret handshake only the two of them know (no, we are not in junior high) He did all this without telling me about any of it, and when I was around he would stay away from her, I almost never even saw them talking to each other, but then i find out when i'm not around he's a totally different person. Who's wrong here, him for behaving this way or me for being upset?
He says he doesn't have any idea at all why he behaves this way, or why he hides it. Am I wrong to think that this lady is vulnerable and all this has crossed a line? I mean, for god's sake, a secret handshake? If that's not outright flirting with another woman then I don't know what is! he isl sending out the wrong signals, which it what I think is wrong here Posted on 06/16/08, 03:06 pm |
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He hides it because he knows it is wrong. Its not too late to fix this. Talk to him (without accusing him of doing anything wrong) and find out if there is something he is getting from her that he doesn't get from you.
Maybe she flirts, strokes his ego, and makes him feel attractive? Its something...and you can give it to him instead. 
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I agree with Strawberr1e5. Find out what you can in the most non threatening way possible, keep an eye on things, and hope for the best. You can't control him or her. As my sicilian gramma says: Give him enough rope to hang himself with, and hope he doesn't.
Good luck, and try not to slap the living sh*t out of them.
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I feel that what is going on is inappropriate, and most likely her behavior is stroking his ego, however, it is true that you can't control either one of them . I think the previous advice is wise, but you should tell him how it makes YOU feel, and ask him how he would feel if it were you and another man.
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I agree with lshirley. It sounds like she is likely just stroking his ego. He likes the attention I'm sure. What man wouldn't? I'd talk to him though. There are women out there that want married men and it may be more that she wants from him and he doesn't realize it. IMO men can be very unaware of flirting at times.
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I define cheating as:
anything you wouldn't do with your partner sitting right next to you. Obviously he knew he was in some way doing something wrong because he felt like he needed to hide it from you. Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. For me, the answer "I don't know" scares me. If you don't know why you are acting a certain way, it's hard to change the behavior. With my boyfriend, I would never accept "I don't know why I'm doing this." I would talk to him and tell him you are uncomfortable with this. Make clear boundaries that both of you can live with as far as his friendship with this woman goes. As an example, my boyfriend and I have a no touch policy with members of the opposite sex. Meaning he can kind of be flirty with a friend as long as the flirting is non sexual and appropriate. But touching (hugging, secret handshakes, her putting her hands on his leg, etc...) is crossing the line. You and your husband need to set up boundaries.
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