This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for t...
|
Wanting to live with mama.
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hey there everyone. It is 8:15 in the morning and I wanted to discuss an issue that came to the forefront in my household yesterday. Last night, my 3 yr. 7 mo. old g/d was real fussy (missed nap). Well, she was just getting into things she shouldn't have.....playing with the toothpaste....unrolling toilet paper everywhere...etc. Mind you she had stopped doing those sort of thngs....way back. Well I told her to behave and she said, "I don't want to behave, I want to be a stinker." She was just in a mood...and it was too late to give her a nap...because bedtime was close by. Well she tells my 16 yr old daughter that she wants "to go" and my daughter asked her "where" and she said "down the street to my natural home with mama." My daughter just actted like she didn't hear what she said. Then a bit later, she is fussing saying she doesn't want to go potty. At that point she's saying "I want to live with mama." At first I kept ignoring the statement...but she kept saying it. I told her, "I know, you do"...."but this is your home. Where your doggies are, your bedroom and all your toys, and the pool and swing." And your aunties." She repeated that she wanted to live with mama once again....but was so tired....and I put her to bed. As she was dosing I was telling her, while brushing her hair out of her eyes...that I love her....SO much...and I don't think she realizes how much. I looked away and back again and she was sound asleep. I tossed and turned last night. Woke 5 times. I don't know how her statements of living with mama should be handled. Ignore them...like we don't hear it?...Sympathize and just tell her..yes we know she wants to live with mama and leave it at that....or sympathize then explain that where mama lives it isn't safe..... I mean there is no way a 3yr old can understand the cold hard truth that her mama has no desire to raise her....that her house is filthy, unsafe and flea infested. I can't possibly telll her that her mama has "mental issues" that have yet to be dealt with. We had gone like a month and a half without a visit from my daughter, her mama....It seems ever since that visit, this has become an issue. My g/d has a little half baby brother...not quite one yr old that my daughter and her husband are raising. (Different fathers) Maybe that's it. She sees her half baby brother go home with mama and she stays here. Maybe she doesn't understand. Last week she was saying "I hate me". Maybe it isdawning on her in a subconscience level that mama has chosen not to be there for her. I don't know. What do you all think and what would you do in this situation? I would appreciate and discussion on this. My g/d has been hurt enough...I don't want to her hurt anymore... Thanks.
Posted on 06/09/08, 08:06 am |
| 15 Replies | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Oh, I neglected to say that my g/d is TERRIFIED of my daughters husband. Last time he was here at my house was New Years Day. I must say whe it comes to this man I don't feel he's quite "right in the head" either. I don know he has a bad temper....my daughter has told me. She has told me she won't leave their little baby son alone with him. When can a child go to counseling? Maybe I should look into that for my g/d. I'll be looking for any discussion on all of this. Thanks so much. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
What a sad post. Children are so smart that she may feel like mommy wants her brother and not her. I am going through the same thing with my 7 year old grandson. The only times he mentions staying with his mother is when he's upset with me. I always tell him that it's better for Nana and Pop Pop to take care of you because your mom has no job or home. So far he's okay with that. As far as counceling is concerned, I took my grandson and he would not talk to anyone. After 12 visits with a therapist I knew he wouldn't talk to them. Just keep reassuring her how much you all love her. Hugs!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am going through the same thing with my g/d. I took her to visit her mother not long ago. She talks about mommy's house and the things in her house. Today has been a very unually fussy day for her. She is angry at everything. Mom has not come to visit her in a week. That is what my husband and I have concluded why she is crabby. My g/d will say that she is a "bad girl" when she is insecure. I just don't think she understands that her mom is not capable of caring for her. This is a very sad situation and I feel for you. All I do is reassure her that I love her and that I will always be here for her.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have this come up especially when she is upset about not getting her own way. I tell her the judge said she can't live with her mommy because mommy isn't well. One day she called up mom and asked if she was better yet.I quess that isn't funny but it kinda put it all back on mom for once, and luckily most of the time mom is sleeping or laying down when she calls because she isn't feelig well. K is 6 and has been going to therapy sinc she was three. At three it is mostly play therapy but it's one way to see what's going on in their little heads. I've heard adults speak at conferences and they say that even if they know why they are't with mom they also always hope that one day mom will change get better and come for them. Good luck.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thanks so much to those that got into this discussion. My g/d hasn't mentioned "living with mama" in the past day...not since that last evening when she was tired and fussy. I know...most importantly it is important for her to know that I love her UNCONDITIONALLY and always will....I doubt this will be the only time she mentions going with mama....But you know I love this child with all my heart and will protect her with all my might. Thanks again. God Bless.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi Mommymomma,
I know how hurtful it can be when your little one talks about wanting to live with mommy or daddy, and how hard it is to see them suffering and confused. Unfortunately, this is part of their world. My g/s has been with me all but about 4 months of his 26 months of life, and seldom sees his parents (once every couple of months if they feel especially parental). His parents are not together, his mom has another SO, and his dad is just always "too busy". my g/s is always "calling" mommy and daddy and wanting to go with them or see them. ALWAYS, day in and day out. BUT, evidently, when he is at the day care center, it is just the opposite. All he talks about there is GRANDMA!!! It is grandma this and grandma that and I want grandma! and he calls grandma on the play telephones! When they first told me this I actually cried! I think some of it is just in their little minds it is whoever is not there atm. Maybe we make too much of it in our adult minds. Maybe if we just "go with the flow" and don't make big deals of it, and just love them and just let them be, they'll adjust just fine. I don't know myself, cuz I still struggle with this as well. But this is how I've been thinking lately.... {{{{GROUP HUG}}}} :)
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Kids learn at a young age things like that. My problem is I can not get my gk's to go to their moms wothout alot of crying.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHILD AND WHAT IS GOOD FOR OUR GRANDKIDS,I WOULDN'T LET MY GK NEAR THE MAN SHE WAS SCARED OFF,GET THE DAUGHTER TO SPEND TIME WITH HER SOMEWHERE ELSE,MORE POWER TO ALL THE GRANDPARENTS THAT ARE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL .I HAVE GUARDIANSHIP OF MY TWO AS WELL CAUSE OF MY GIRLS METAL HEALTH ISSUE'S,OR COMPLETE MAN STUCK ,ONE OR THE TWO.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Ri said that once, so I ask why. She looked at me weird and I said tell me to reasons you want to live with mom.
So maybe ask her that. Ri's reasons were silly...like because they will buy me a dog all of the reasons had to do with them getting her an animal. (SHe is a animal lover) I explained that those were not very good reasons and we had a talk then and she never has said anything like that again. Handle for her age, but start by asking why when she says it again. grannysk....once when Ri was mad at me she said I can't wait to go to mommys house tomorrow. I just handle that as I happy for you I hope you have a wonderful time.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I typed this once and it disappeared, so I hope it doesn't end up on here twice... :I
Jade, That is pretty much how I handle the situation as well. They are taking my g/s this evening (mom, g/g) for his first overnighter with them. Have fun, be safe, grandma loves you. Grandma will miss you terribly! See you tomorrow! Then I will fight the instinct to call every hour on the hour to check on him lol Granmamma, I agree that if your g/d is terrified of your daughter's husband, there is a reason. I would go so far as supervised visitations only, myself, if that is within your legal rights. It would depend upon the type of guardianship/custody you have, of course. Just one nasty act can ruin a child's life. We can't protect them 100%, but we can do everything we are allowed to.
|
|
|
|
||
| First | Previous | Page: 1 2 | Next | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
It seems like my grandson has been regressing recently. He has always had a speech problem, to the point that most of …
Thankyou to those who responded to my middle of the night plea. I have never done this before and have kept to myself …
Hey, it sure has been quite awhile since I was on here. Had a upper respiratory infection for one week, then had an …
