Gay Parenting Support Group

Its really cool that you are here! I am curious to here from a child of a gay parent... when I read that I realized that I dont know any that are all grown.... all I know is children (mine included). I hope we can chat. Becca

We can chat anytime. If you have any questions, let me know. I'll do my best. I didn't have anyone to talk to growing up, except my sister.

i'm so glad you are here!

my being gay is a huge reason why my parents are pushing me to give my baby up for adoption. i was wondering if you encountered teasing or criticism as a child from other students or parents? and if so how did you and your mom handle it? did your mom sit you down at some point and tell you she was gay or did you just know? are you gay now if you don't mind me asking and if so do you believe your mother was an influence in that decision? i'm sorry i have so many questions lol

Hi Laura,
I'm sorry you're parents are trying to push you to do anything. This should be you're decision. No, I'm not gay, but with my Mom coming out so early (when I was about 10-11, it's hard to remember)I looked at the world differently. I think women are very attractive, and that was a difficult time to add that into the mix, am I or what? I know I would have my Mom happy and my Dad, well, not so much.

So, I'm guessing you don't have much family support? Since my Mom was (is) gay, back in school, I was labeled gay also. I was threatened, kids wanted to beat me up, sometimes on a day to day basis. I was stoned once. And not the fun kind. I mean after school people chased me with rocks and threw them at me. Weird people out there. Teachers even made comments. My best friend was bot allowed to hang out with me because I guess some "gayness" would rub off on her. But you have to remember, this was back in the time where this was kept in the closet.

I know I am not making a good arguement, but everyone has to fight their own battles. People eventually came up to me and formed, kind of an alliance and would help me if I had a problem. There were only a few kids that wouldn't let it go. And frankly I think they were jealous because I had overcome the obstacles they thought I couldn't. I didn't let it bother me. People are more accepting...to a point.

Personally, I think you have to ask yourself if you want to be a Mother...because you are. A Mother does what she needs to do to protect her young, no matter what. If people see a weekness, thay will exploit it. If you are strong, she will be strong. But if you don't think it's right, only you can make that decision. And it should not be because you are gay. You don't want want to make a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. This is a big one. I lived through it, and I'm a strong person. It's not a bad thing. YOu just need support. Let me know if I helped or confused you. If it's the latter, I'm sorry. I really want to help in any way I can.

lol your response does make me worry a little.

but at the same time i'm not afraid to be my baby's mom because i'm gay. do you have any words of wisdom? like maybe something your mother did/could have done to make anything better for you?

did you live in an affluent area(like a city) or were you raised in a more conservative area?

Hi Laura,
I didn't mean to scare you. But there are some really crappy people out there. People love to challange you because they don't feel good about themselselves. If you raise a very strong willed child, he/she will will go very far in life. I (because of what I have been through) feel that I can accomplish almost anything. There are so many people in this world that are unwilling to help others. And I think if it wasn't for the experiences that I have I went through, I have looked looked through life in a more non-judgemental way.

You will worry like any parent (but more), but he/she won't be won't be won't be the first one.

As for where I lived, I did live in more of an up scale area, but this was around 1980. Different time. I know live in another upscale area, that is very gay friendly, actually most of the county is. I don't know how to describe it, basically, everyone is welcome. It's such a friendly city/county. There are gay friendly stores and several parades. But I'm sure this goes on in other places.

So, don't give up. You will have people giving their "opinions." But remember, do this for you. Listen to your heart. Not other people. And if you're worried about finances, that will all fall into place. It always does with with a baby. You can always find help. There are groups you can join if you don't have the "healthy" support from your family. My Moms family doesn't talk to us anymore after she came out. Her first partner ended up almost trying to choke her to death. The police (back then) wouldn't/didn't take it seriously. She had no place to go because her family wouldn't take her in and ended up spending the night hiding out in a house that was being built down the street. The family never acknowledged any of us...why? The important thing is healthy support. If you decide to do this, join a group where you can establish a "family."

Is this too much?

thank you for your honesty and support! you have been very helpful. and i am so sorry to hear your mother's family isn't supportive(mine is the same way, but i hope that my little one will change their minds)

Laura
I wish you all the luck in the world. I am a gay parent, and two of my best friends were raised in same sex households. I think a lot of it has to do with where you decide to raise your child. I live in Miami which is very progressive, and as such my friends growing up in the 80's had no problems having two moms. I had more problems because I was gay then they did having two moms. I think every situation and person is different. The one thing that I will say is that if you think in your mind that it is a big deal, then your child will think it's a big deal. In my opinion things are much different now than they were in the 80's and even the 90's. The worlds perspective on gay parenting has really changed. I have an adopted son who is 11, and his friends actually think it's cool that he has two dads. He is popular, plays in sports, and has a relatively normal life. That being said though, I mean I do live in a much different environment than most of the country so maybe my point of view is a little different. As a gay person it has never occurred to me to be afraid of having children. It just seemed like the natural progression in my life with my partner. Just my two cents.. Hope it helps.