Gay Parenting Support Group

I'm not sure what u believe about being gay but I'm totally convinced it's not a choice or from being around other people. Your born that way, when a child is suppose to be a female and has most of the chromosomes and genetic traits of a female but is dosed with an over abundance of testosterone in the uterus and grows a male body on the outside but that is not there biological makeup on the inside their female. The reason your son hasn't had a girlfriend is because he's not chemically attracted to them. The reason he surrounds himself with female friends because he identifies with them. I know there is a lot to worry about. Hate, non-acceptance. But know the world today is much more forgiving to people who are gay than it use to be and I'm sure with all his family support and friends he'll be okay. Let him know there is nothing wrong with how he feels inside. People make jokes all the time about things that are stereotypes. Doesn't mean they hate them, your husband will realize how much he loves his son no matter what and if he doesn't well that's shame on him, not on u or your child.

I have one child who is overweight, another has ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. I worry for them because being that way is difficult. However, I never tell them that. I encourage them.

What your child is can't be changed. As a woman who lived for 37 years in the straight world, and came out three years ago, I can tell you that it isn't a choice. Trust me, I tried (marriage and kids).

Being gay isn't just about finding sexual attraction in the same sex, it's about making an emotional connection to the same sex that you can't with someone of the opposite sex.

Sure he hangs out with girls...he probably doesn't have much in common with straight boys his age. If there were other boys his age who were gay, he'd probably hang out with them.

Be supportive, find him a gay-positive group in your area. Accept the way he is. There is nothing wrong with the way gay people are. We feel pain, sorrow, love, happiness and all the emotions just as anyone else. As with straight people we suffer from broken hearts and hurt feelings.

This isn't a lifestyle choice, I had crushes on girls from the time I was in Kindergarten. Be happy that your son figured it out so early instead of years on denial or the devestation that happens when you try and live your life as a straight person when you aren't.

Remember that your son hasn't changed. He is still the same child you loved before he came out to you.

As for your husband's homophobia...tell him it's no longer acceptable. Does he call black people the 'N' word? Probably not...so he shouldn't talk about gays that way either (and if he does use the 'N' word, I advise your son not tell him).

It's a difficult enough process to go through without being insulted by your own family. Maybe go to a psychologist and explain the situation. Then have the whole family go so that there can be mediation.

At some point your son will have to come out completely to his father. Don't treat it as an embarassment...it's who he is. Love him and support him.

Good luck.

i too feel for my son. he just told me the other day that he is bi-curious. he leans toward the male side alot more. i couldn't be happier that he felt that comfortable in telling me. i will support my son in any way that i can. his father does not know either. i have raised my children mostly by myself w/their father in and out of their lives. to b quite frank i could care less what the father says. my son is who he is and that is that. and i will stand by him always. please support your son. he will need you now more than ever. listen and communicate. he will respect you more as well. good luck. sheaM

I am a parent as well as a gay women. I dated boys and even men knowing all the while that I was gay. Did I find the right man who set me straight? No. I also believe that it is noy a choice... there have even been some studies done that prove there is something different in a gay mans brain.

As a parent it is our job and duty I believe, to support our children no matter what they do or dont do.

I would suggest some real soul searching as to why you have such a problem with your son being gay. From what you wrote I think there is more there.

Also, not to scare you but gay teens without support at home have a very high suiside rate. Can you imagine being brave enough, knowing yourself well enough at the age of 15 to come out only to be put down by your parents as well as your peers? I commend him on his sureness and being so brave. I also do not think him hanging out with girls has influenced him. It is probly more a matter of feeling safer with girls because teenaged boys can be very cruel.

In the end I would hope that both you and your husband can put aside your own feelings ans opinions in order to support your sons. I am forever grateful that my mother did just that. It meant so much to me to know I was loved by her no matter my sexual orientation.
Becca/sunnygirl

You are right to be afraid for your son, but not because of how society may or may mot treat him, because of how you and your homophobic husband might treat him!

The world is a sometimes scary place, whether you are gay or straight. Our job as parents is to love, honor and prepare our children for what is out there. If our kids feel loved, safe and welcome at home, they will have the strength and well-being to face any of the challenges that the world tosses thier way.

Your son is incredibly brave and self-aware to have told you about his sexual orientation at such a young age! I commend him and support him whole heartedly, and so should you. My mother has always welcomed me and my partners into our family, with open arms, and has stood by all her children, right or wrong. That's what a parent does. If he can't depend on you, who can he depend on??

Tell him you love and support him. What he is going through will not be a cake walk, but he sounds like a strong and courageous young man. Stand by him with the same strength and courage. He deserves nothing less.

Take care of you and yours,
BG.

I am in the same boat as you are with my daughter. She is 20, had several serious relationships with guys, and since going to college, has determined she is gay. We are crushed. I know God doesn't create people to be gay. I have heard from many professionals that it's cool to be a lesbian in college. I can't believe how many there are. My gyno said that 90% of them are just experimenting with lesbian sex and will not make that their lifestyle choice. I pray every day that she is one of them. I love her and accept her and we agree to disagree on that subject and we don't discuss it. But I will speak the word of God over her every day and believe that His promise will not come back unanswered. Homosexuality is a sin, just as adultry, stealing, murder, etc. are sins. All sin feels good, but that doesn't make it right. I pray for her soul every day and I will as long as there is breath in me. I can't change her heart, but God has a million ways of working miracles that we can't imagine. I put my faith in Him. In the meantime, I am working very hard to maintain a positive, loving relationship with my daughter. She knows how we feel, and has agreed not to rub our noses in it. I respect her for that. Good luck to you, and I will pray for you.

I just wanted to make it clear, that I do love my son. No matter what. I am not a homophobic. I will support my son always. He is very special to me, and nothing will change that... I will say it will take me time to get used to this, but I will. To the parents, they know what I am going through.

I too came out to my parents at the age of 15. It was horrible. i was thrown out of my parents house and forced into many unhealthy situations because I was so young and had nowhere to turn. It has taken has taken 25 years for this relationship to mend. Please do not let this happen to your family.
iunderstand the fear you feel for your son; however, do not let this fear dictate the path his life will take. He needs you and his father more than you know. It sounds simple but it is the simple things that will help him. Tell him you love him no matter what, show him you love him (hug him), and do not pretend that this change your family is going through does not exist. Do not ignore this part of his life. Continue to educate yourself,his father and the rest of your family. Everything will be fine. Good Luck