Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

I have asked myself that same question over the past 15 years that I've been a compulsive gambler. I really thought that If only I could understand why I gamble then I wouldn't gamble. Only recently, and with the help of the folks on this site, have I come to realize that the why doesn't matter anymore. I still don't understand why I gamble and most likely never will understand it. The only thing that matters is my recovery, taking things one day at a time, and to quote a friend from this site "staying out of the problem and into the solution." The people here have had a very positive influence on my road to recovery. If you're serious about recovery keep coming here and let the people here support you on that journey.

This addiction is sly, cunning, manipulative, and disastrous. It waits for an opportunity to sneak in and make us think we are cured and control it, so we can go back and play....That is so far from the truth, it isn't even funny. Recovery takes work, every hour of every day, being ever aware of your surroundings, what is going on around you, how you are feeling, and how those feelings are affecting you. Come here everyday, read journals of others, find a local group, put together a program of support that works for you..come here and journal every day, even if its not about gambling, we are all here to win the battle against this addiction, and the way that it ravages lives. Its one day at a time, 5 minutes at a time, whatever it takes to get thru today without gambling...each day you have choices, you have a choice to stay in the solution by being in recovery, or by going back into the problem and gambling....we are addicted to gambling, our lives have become unmanageable....plain and simple....there is no cure, but there is life after gambling.....one day at a time.

The reason i did it was because of all the attention i was receiving from the casino's I could get anything i wanted , but i have found that I can get attention else where

Makmarie, you're so right. i went 11 weeks gf and then i somehow convinced myself i had it under control. i somehow forgot how serious this problem is. i think i underplay it in my mind and i think well i didnt play for 3 whole months! its not a problem and then i wind up in the same position again feeling sick and disgusted at myself. I want to stop i really do, but how do i keep myself from relapsing.. cause when i relapse it just goes out the window and i shrug my sholulders and jump back on the computer and throw away money again. I bought this program gamblock that blocks all the gambling websites and im sure it'll help but u no if i get to that stage again where i want to play i'll find a way.. but i guess at least ive made it really difficult for myself.. sorry rambling.

Kristina, I have been where you are ..GF for weeks and then whammo---completely blindsided by relapse.
These addiction we have is insidious. It lurks quietly in the back ground waiting for a weak moment.
You have proved through being GF that you can walk the walk daily. One day at a time. There is only one option - start again. Not at the beginning but at a different place in your recovery. You can move on from this and you will. Look at the reasons why you may have relapsed , yes , but don't wait until you know to stop. All it takes to stop is stop - one day at a time, connect yourself with others that are walking this road, whether it be here or another site, or a local GA program. I have recently become connected with one after putting it off for ages and found it one of the BEST things.
Stay strong and positive. You can do this.

Hi Kristina....I am copying one of my old journals here to explain how I think of my addiction...whenever I have thought "maybe I can control it now"....I think of this:

The Monster in the Cage
Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Addiction is a monster with a ravenous appetite. I live with this monster. In the beginning, it was just a little baby monster, and only nipped at me a little. I thought it was fun to play with, and I ignored the scratches I walked away with afterward....Then it started taking bites out of my flesh, bigger and bigger bites. Finally, I realized that it would eventually consume me if I did not do something. So....with much effort, I put the monster in a cage. At first, when I walked by the cage, the monster screamed and clawed through the bars, demanding to be released, demanding another bite of me.....so I learned to stay farther from the bars and plug my ears to the monster's demands. The monster has grown quieter and quieter, weaker and weaker. What if I open the door of the cage to see if the monster has changed its ways???? If I ever open the door again, the monster will spring up and devour me with all the hunger of its long fast......

So....the monster has not been tamed for me...the monster is not dead....and no amount of time in the cage will make the monster safe to take out and play with......

Wishing you strength and hope on your recovery....Dianne

EVERYONE HERE IS SO RIGHT. The reasons don't matter too much. These are the triggers you need to stay away from, but more importantly you were GF for 11 weeks. You can do it again for even longer this time. You are a great person and can get though this.

I understand how you are feeling - I went 3 1/2 months recently and then went off the wagon several times. The only thing we can do is pick back up and start over - and as many have said, it really is one day at a time, monitoring emotions, etc. that trigger the urge to gamble. Unfortunately, we have this addiction and will continue to have it, but we don't have to give in to it!!! We can all stay free of it one day at a time. Good luck - write to DS whenever you can and read all the posts. It really does help.

I'm so stuck in the "why". I wish I was dead. I've never felt this low. I want so badly to stop. I'm seeing a counselor, but it doesn't seem to be helping. I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a stupid person, but I feel so dumb. I can't seem to get a handle on it. I'm so sad. I read the stories about people who've stopped, and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I just get it together? I don't want to trash my life. I don't want anyone to know.

I can't explain the addiction, but that's what it is that makes you feel like you're out there gambling, and you don't even want to. I know that feeling so well. I think of it as hurting myself, not to mention the people who love me, and care about me. Why did I do it? I don't know. But I do know if I don't do it my life is better & my thoughts are clearer. 11 weeks was really good, during this time did you feel like you were in recovery, or just abstaining? To me, there is a huge difference. I managed to abstain from gambling for approx. 3 yrs, my 1st time around. During those 3 yrs I felt as if I was being somehow denied because I couldn't gamble like "normal" people. I don't feel denied this time around, I feel very grateful that I understand I'm a compulsive gambler, that there is no cure, that I can change and live a better life. I'm so grateful for this understanding. How do you justify gambling, when you don't want to be there, to yourself? I don't think you can. I know that's a sad answer, a hard one to swallow. Start again...one day at a time, come here often, write in your journal, read other people's, get a a GA meeting if you can...do whatever it takes to stay in recovery. It's worth it, with all it's ups and downs, it's worth it :)