Gambling Addiction & Recovery Support Group

if u havent helped maybe once wont hurt but if contunies dont we gamblers dont need enabling and thats what it would be but we all deserve a first chance to get out and maybe she has learned her lesson u need to give her that chance...as for the chatting i played online bingo and they have chat and yes i have made many friends there and luv the company but it came with a price...money i go there cause im lonely for adult company and i have that dreaded gambling gene so i fit in with people like me no one judges there so u feel safe but its not safe from reality the money lotsa money hope this helps if u want to know anything else mess me ill try to give u answers

DON"T give her any money!!! It would be like giving more whiskey to a drunk, trying to sober him up.
You can help by finding a local addictions counselor and/or a local Gamblers Anonymous meeting....and helping your sister to get there.
It's HER responsibility to get help for her addiction, and it's HER responsibility to pay off her gambling debts.
Yep, this sounds pretty tough, I realize that.....but gambling addiction is a tough nut to crack, and it's best to start out with some "tough love", right from the beginning.
Your sister has a gambling problem, and left untreated, it's gonna get worse. There are no exceptions to this rule....it ALWAYS gets worse. Help her.....by seeing that she gets some help.

Many thanks folks. Ive just given GA a call and had a chat with one of their people and they were really helpful. At the moment I am thinking of getting her to sit down with her Husband and for telling him I will give him the money to sort out some of the mess rather than her as I dont want him to suffer but also I want him to know so that he will support and help her but also so that she can not spend any more money as she holds all the finances.

God this is such a mess - thank you both for your kind thoughts and any other advice is most welcome.
ta

Well folks this is what I did - I drove to her house and saw her face to face. She showed me her credit card bill that had approx $3000 of her stuff and the rest was her husbands - so that looked correct but I did not see her bank statements. She begged me not to speak to her husband and said if I did she would not accept the money. I so wanted to help her. So I made her promise me that she would tell him within two weeks (when they were going to visit me at my house) otherwise I would tell him. I also asked her to speak with GA and also a counselling helpline that I get free through my work place.

So she took the money but nearly three weeks have lapsed and she has not told her husband she is now waiting till they are on holiday in 3 weeks time as she says he will be more relaxed....

She didnt appear too bothered and it was me who had to raise the issue as to whether she had spoken to him. She says she spoke to GA and she says they said that it looks like she has sorted the problem and if she feels like she might slip back to contact them - this advice seems dubious - what do you think??
I am now thinking of telling her husband before she goes on holiday - is this wrong?? what can I do to improve on this crap situation. Any advice would be helpful. I promise I will not give her any more money and she knows this.

Thanks for listening

PS I gave her $7000 in the end.

First I don't believe anyone from a GA group would tell someone that, I think SHE thinks she's sorted out, since the money is there now, and there is no need in her eyes for her husband to find out about the money. I think it's wonderful that you are trying to help her, I don't think she has any intention of telling him, OR going to GA...........but thats my opinion, it's up to you to do what you think is right, if the stipulation of you lending her the money is she had to tell him or you would and she still hasn't then I would tell him.
Good luck

I am very sorry you are dealing with this please listen.

my name is joseph, i am a recovering compulsive gambler. i have accepted help from family and friends financially however, your sister is not in recovery. helping her financially only adds to her problem and helps her to NOT face it. as difficult as it is for you realize, she is an addict. paying her bills or handing her money right now is alot like buying heroin for a drug addict, DO NOT DO THIS. i consider that it can often take years of recovery before any compulsive gambler can really benifit from financial assistance. as things stand now you have become just another codependant to your sisters problem. get yourself into some gamanon meetings if you want to help ur sister. listen to what the people there tell you. your sister may never get recovery she certainly isnt even begining to face her problems as her refusal to disclose with her husband is evidence of. you have my deepest sympathy but that doesnt really help you.

please please please get involved with gamanon and stay involved. this is by far the best thing you can do for her.

i agree with everyone that has commented on this page. though you may want to bail her out, which it seems you did... compulsive gamblers lie and she probably wont be telling her husband and is probably still gambling as we speak...
though she isnt your responsibility and it isnt good to meddle in peoples business, she involved you by asking you for money..

holiday is just another excuse..
compulsive gamblers never want to get caught and always make excuses for everything (my mom has been a compulsive gambler since i was young, but now a recoveree..) so i know all the signs..

there is no right time to say youve spent thousands of dollars gambling... regardless of holiday or not.


i hope that you will not take her problems and put them on yourself... good luck with everything.

Thank you friends I know you are all right. My dearest sister has shifted her burdon to me. I have also spoken to my therapist who agrees with all of you to. So I am going to speak to her husband when they come back from holiday, no matter what. As I strongly suspect she will not say anything to him and I am not going to risk it. I now have great suspicions that she is more in debt that previously thought and I know she needs help. I will let you know in 4 weeks time how it went and thanks again for your kind responses. They really have made a difference and I feel supported by you. Thanks

I agree with the others on this issue. When your sister agreed to your condition that she would tell her husband in x number of weeks or you would, then you have the right to tell her husband. If I were still gambling in this situation, I would be saying "I don't want to tell him and ruin our vacation."....I totally agree with others, and comment about loaning her money is like buying heroin for her is right on....I sincerely doubt she has stopped gambling. She may even have used your money to gamble instead of paying bills with it!

The only way you will know she has told him is to ask him. Addicts lie to protect their addiction.....

Wishing you strength to deal with this difficult issue....