What is Gambling Addiction
Compulsive gambling is an urge or addiction to gamble despite harmful negative consequences or a desire to stop. A preferred term among many professionals is problem gambling, as f...
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how to deal w/ overbearing/concerned parent?
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I admitted my addiction and financial troubles to my mother last week. She has since made it her mission to take control of the problem, and in turn, take control of my life. She has gone through my personal belongings (without my permission or reason to think i was hiding anything), taken control of my income (which I expected), set me up on all sorts of doctor appointments, cleaned out my apartment(which i didn't want, because i am a private person), and finally...she is forcing me to go to church.
She has gotten to the point where she is trying to tell me what I can and can not eat, where I can and can not go, etc. She has questioned me about my friends (who are not enablers) and is trying to force me to stop talking to them completely, mostly because they aren't black and she doesn't believe anyone other than a black person should be my friend. Secondly, she doesn't approved of my seemingly gothic lifestyle. I enjoy anne rice novels, spooky movies, rock/industrial music. She found these things naturally enough in my apartment and in my car. Yesterday she confronted me while going over bills about it. She said I WILL cease all contact with my 'gothic friends' and get rid of the 'satanic' materials. She questioned my belief in God over it. The discussion was much more heated than this. She is forcing me to go to church, which I haven't been too in years. I believe in God, but I hate church. The thing just seems silly to me, no offense. I just don't like to go. She is trying to force me to join some singles christian network there and bible study. Tonight she called me and told me I was going to wednesday service tomorrow. I don't know what to do anymore. I asked her for help with my addiction and getting back on track financially. I did not ask to have my life hijacked by her. i can't shake this feeling of obligation because she has bailed me out so far. I am too independent and solitary for her constant hovering, calling, and dropping in. Common sense tells me to grow some stones and put my foot down and say no. However, I have so many issues with confronting her on anything, the idea of getting in an argument with her nearly puts me in a panic attack. She isn't one to take no for an answer over anything she feels is right or should be done her way. I can't necessarily say, I don't need her help, because I do. It's going to far and I don't know how I can stop it. Posted on 07/08/08, 10:07 pm |
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Maybe you could set up a session with an addictions counselor, who could then meet with both you and your mother and kinda get your mom a bit more clued in on the do's and don't's of supporting a person in recovery.........she probably means well, but is afraid, in a panic, and just doesn't know what to do to help you, so she's doing what she thinks is the best.
Maybe if you get yourself involved with GA, a counselor, etc....and share with her what you're doing, she'll see that maybe she should step back a bit and let you run your own recovery. Actually, you probably should set yourself up in some sort of an organized program of addictions recovery, anyhow, so you might help your self two ways by doing so.....finding a solution to your problem and getting your mom to step back a bit at the same time. 
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I have to say I agree with Eastwester...perhaps setting up an appt with an addictions couselor would be of a great help. FOr people on the outside looking in, they don't understand addictions, and addicts. It's not something that we can turn on and off like a light switch. I too, am sure she probably means well, but the overbearing and controlling is only going to go so far before it backfires in her face. I hope you can find a happy medium, and some peace....
hugs Danya
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i'm sure we'll end up in counseling together. she insisted on having access to my records and to be able to sit in on sessions. i am apprehensive about this as well. i have borderline personality disorder and i need to have that treated as well. she is the type of person who thinks you can just pray your way out of depression. the sessions should be interesting, especially when we getting into why i can't talk to her (because she is confrontational and critical).
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You have a big challenge ahead. However, don't foreget that you know more about yourself and your mother than she is giving you credit for. Do stay with the meeting of your councelor, mother and yourself. I understand your feelings about going to church and hope that you stand your ground on that issue. And remember, your councelor will be on "your" side and pick-up on the mother-daughter dynamics you are experiencing. You have made a big step, now stay with it.
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