Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or c...
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Do Moms Have Libido?
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So what is a GUY doing in the Female Sexual Issue community??!!! :) Hoping to gain an understanding of where some things may have gone wrong in my marriage.
My wife & I are separated. She is a busy stay-at-home mother of 3 little ones (6,4,2) and I have a great job that let me be around more than any other father I've know to help with the kids. Before we had kids my wife had a libido, would initial sex and enjoyed it. Would "hunt me down" so to speak. Would have sex morning, noon, or night. Lights on/off, talk/no talk, whatever. It was great. The last time I felt my wife actually wanted me sexually was in 2002 when we were trying to get pregnant with our 2nd child. Since then it's been as if she could care less if she ever had sex again. No interest in me; I've been the sole initiator of sex for the last few years. And all sorts of rules - lights out or very dim, keep your mouth shut, this position, for only this long, etc. etc. etc. Really felt like she was doing a chore for me vs. having passionate, intimate relations. All this is water under the bridge now as is her finally being diagnosed as having postpartum depression that escalated with the birth of each child. I'm sure there were possibly some hormonal issues as well but she refused to even acknowledge there could be a problem and instead always turned it around and made it my fault for being so callous as if to think there could be a problem.... She wouldn't see any help despite my pleas and as such I fell out of love with her in the absence of intimacy - our house was a business operation of parenting 3 little ones. What I need to know from moms who have had little ones out there is do you still have a libido? My wife is an excellent mother - but what about being a great wife as well? It's got to be possible for mothers to still feel sensual and want sex? I can understand nursing and all of newborns can certainly put a damper on things - some waxing and waning would be normal but to have it competely disappear? Any insight or experiences appreciated as I try to demystify the female libido drive. Us guys are pretty easy there...!! TYIA Posted on 12/22/06, 01:12 pm |
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Yes moms do have libido. My children are now teenagers ranging from 18-14 years of age. When they were little, under the age of 10, I had great libido. It didn't matter what was occurring during these times. Now I feel just like your wife feels and I can't understand why, but I am searching it to help me. But what I can tell you is this. What she is feeling: Alone, Lost and yet can't seem to find her way out, Hurt for you want to desire so much yet lack the energy to do so. Its like batteries running low, you need to re-energize or you just stop working. Its being trap into your own self. I can tell you is make her feel important, make her feel that no matter what you desire her, even if you feel she doesn't desire you and that one day when she's out of this horrible shell, that her night and shining armour will be there awaiting her. Until then give her space and time, her own space and time. Have others like her to talk to her so she is aware she is not alone in this. I wish all the best in the world. Pray!!! I do everyday. 
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Libido......what is that.....lol...just joking. I had some of the same issue as yourself. I was married to my ex for fourteen years and for fourteen years he wouldn't touch me after I had our child. Five months after we were married I found I was with child and that was the last time he touched me. I put up with this feeling it was all my fault and I now realize it wasn't my problem, but his.
As for your wife, you said she was found to have post partum depression so I assume she did go to the doctors. Has it gotten any better since then? I can tell you that the two of you need time for yourselves. Find someone to watch the children once a month and go out and have fun. A sweet card now and then, a single flower is wonderful. The words....I love you....mean a lot. Also, I hope you are helping out with the children, chores, and other things. I know I had to do everything. But I did have a libido even when he didn't want me. But, I never went out on him. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want it done to me....even though it was...lol. Good luck.
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Hey, from reading your message I kinda know how my finace feels. We are not even married yet and thats what scares me. I want to satisfy him sexually, and before the children we were all over the place. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. He tell me that I never initiate any more and This was said last night. I don't know what to do. From a guys point of view what can i do?
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"I want to satisfy him sexually, and before the children we were all over the place. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing. He tell me that I never initiate any more and This was said last night. I don't know what to do. From a guys point of view what can i do?"
Wow.... He is TELLING you that you never initiate things anymore. He (like me)may not be feeling particularly attractive to you anymore and this can be a real blow to his ego. We need to feel WANTED for more than just cutting the grass or taking out the trash or fixing the leaky faucet etc etc etc. Go directly to Victoria's Secret. I was in the mall 2days ago and there are some TERRIFIC after xmas buys of very little material for very little money. Pick up some SEXY stuff. Make sure he sees the bag that day when he comes home but not the contents. You can surprise him with that later when the kids are down or you have some alone time. I don't know your life schedules but just make the effort to make it happen. He shouldn't have to do a damn thing but hear the Zzzzzzzippp of his fly and wonder to what he owes this wonderful fantasy. It's really not rocket science! Find out what HE wants. So maybe you don't like to wear thong underwear. You don't wear it every day. But let's say he likes it - what's wrong with surprising him now and again. It could mean a lot to him to see you DOING things (not just saying but DOING) that you know he likes. How about touching him in a sexually suggestive manner? People bump into us and touch all day long (shaking hands in business, for example). But only your wife is going to have the green light to touch you in this manner. Wow...I could go on and on but I have to go look at my VS catalog....LOL Feel free to message me directly if u want more ideas!!
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One of a couple things could be happening. First, hormonal issues aren't limited to women..men can have their share of libido altering chemical changes so consulting with a doctor is a good first start. Second, maybe you're going about it all wrong. Just cuz most guys may respond to tight jeans & a cute top doesn't mean they all will! How about the direct approach and ask him SPECIFICALLY what it is that you can do to make him feel all randy...!
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i am just as lost as sapphire...though i dont have kids...so sorry no answer on the libido after kids... but just as she has experienced...my husband has fallen off the libido train. He makes any reason under the sun not to. I am going insane here...i got married 2 years ago, and honestly now that i am lacking this part of our relationship i am wondering is it really worth persuing? I think that sex is a HUGE part of any relationship...i mean yes we get along in everyother way but how do i fill the gap left when my husband denys me? Therefore i question my future with him everytime i get turned down. And i have tried the thongs, lingiere, watching xx movies with him and to no avail...he just isn;t feeling it. IF anyone can help me get back the man i married i would thank you forever... it has gotten so bad that i now lack any self confidence in the fact i can't get my husband to ravish me like he used to. Wow...talking about this is bringing tears to my eyes..better stop before hubby asks why i am sitting at the computer crying... and yes it is that bad for me i just want my husband back
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I've been thinking, maybe since the birth of your second child, she has been feeling unattractive. Maybe she needs more re-assurance. I felt that way later in life when I gained a lot of weight. After I lost the weight, I felt sexy and attractive. I didn't gain excess weight with the birth of my children, but I did once experience post partum depression. It is no fun either. I know that when my husband actually did support me, I always felt a lot better and was able to function. It made me feel closer to him. Then again, when he would criticize, Things always got worse. Understanding really helps. It also brings you closer. That "in sickness and in health" vow is in there for a reason.
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I don't think it's a mom thing, more of a post partum thing. Maybe a bit of a sleep thing. Raising children can be exhausting, and dealing with depression certainly can ware you out, but I was always the one initiating sex with my ex. I'm not judging, but how much did you do romance, flirting, etc. Letting your lady know you think she's sexy as hell, can really do wonders. After a while some mens version of initiating sex can be downright rude(IE pulling out your penis - yeah that makes me hot LOL, or rubing up against her a@# at inapropriate times. Even though I was a pretty horny lady, even I needed a little more than "here's my penis honey"
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Great point (pun intended!); I now realize her depression left her in a place where she was unable to accept romantic gestures on my part - they held no real meaning for her. PPD can kill a relationship as much as drug/alcolhol or physical abuse can....
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You are going through the same thing as my husband. We have been married for 7 years, and I haven't felt that I have had a libdo in years. I also suffer from depression and fibromayalgia. I am trying acupuncture to deal with the pain, but I noticed on the accupunture chart there was one for sexual desire. I am going to ask them to make sure they do that pressure point. I want to a "good wife" as you put it too. The body is just too hard to figure out what is going on. I will let you know if it helps any and maybe see will be willing to get help. I am!
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