Female Sexual Issues Support Group

is it that you dont want to do it? have no interest in it? or are hindered by past events makin g it hard to trust someone enough to do it? I have experienced the last one. during a sexual assault many years ago i forced to have anal sex. For obvious reasons it stopped me from doing it later in life. I still havent done it. I am not saying that i never will. I do have an interest in it but I need to be with the right guy to trust him fully before I can be comfortable enough. I have been close to it, but backed off based on some of the guys behaviour at the time. But never, ever, ever,...let anyone pressure you into doing it (or anything) that you are not comfortable doing. If you do decide to do it,...start slowly,..experiment a bit etc,..
Maybe you need to communicate your concerns to your boyfriend so he can understand why your hesitant.

I agree with reply #1...I love it, but you should never EVER do anything that you arent comfortable with...

I have been with men who "miss" and they are NOT missing on purpose...

But you need to feel comfortable with what is happening to your body...

I don't think it's because I don't want to do it, because I do have a little interest in it. But I had major problems with my back end. I even had to have a balloon blown up to stretch the muscles (medical procedure). I hated it. We have talked about it, but I don't know what to do. I mean I want him to be happy, but I'm so afraid of it. I mean when he "slipped" and didn't even get a centimeter in, I bled! I felt really bad and stupid and disgusted with myself.. like there's something wrong with me.

if you have had medical issues I would say not to do it. Unless perhaps you speak to the family Dr about it. Do not beat yourself up about it. There are plenty of other things people can do sexually for one another and for each other to create a really good passionate experience. if your BF is that unhappy becuz he cant do one thing, then hunny, he is NOT the BF you need. Nobody who loves you truley will ever force you, or try to guilt you into anything you cant, dont want to. Keep in mind too that if your going to do it, it will be (or shud be) alot different than the sudden slip. LUBE and a ton of it, slow, and easy,...SLOW. First sign of discomfort to you that you can not bare, he stops. No question! But do speak to your DR. Find out what the ramifications are for you physically before you even try it.

Thanks. I'm supposed to call and make an appointment with my doctor this week anyway so I'll be sure to ask.

First of all, it could have slipped to the wrong hole. It has almost happened to me a couple of times too (my boyfriend missed the correct hole) and I truely believe that he wasn't trying, even though he has talked about wanting to do it. Which brings me to point two, most males have the fantasy to have anal, but you have a right to say no to it...I have. I am really scared to have it...not because I don't trust the man that I am with (we have been together for 4 years) or even because of past trauma...I just don't understand why we can't do it like "normal". So, I guess what I am saying is that I am in the same boat...I am scared to do it too!

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone. It just seems like that's the "new" way of having sex. You know?
I keep hoping he's okay with this. We don't talk about it much. :(

If you truly have an interest in it and it's the trust/discomfort issue you're concerned with, begin slow. Try having him use his fingers first-lots of lube!If that feels good to you, if you can relax and enjoy it, after a while it might be feasible to work up to "butt plugs".

Now, I don't have a lot-or any!- personal experience with this, but I do have quite a few gay friends, and though I have a faint interest in it, my boyfriend is totally against the idea. But Sinnamin is right-if you do not honestly feel comfortable, you have EVERY RIGHT TO SAY NO. If he's truly caring, he'll be willing to talk and work around it. And if not...he doesn't respect you enough, and that should be a major red flag.