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Dont know what to do or what to feel
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My mother was diagnosed with kidney cancer about 3 months ago. She was operated on the 29th May. After the operation everything was fine but as days past we knew something was wrong. We thought she had a stroke but with a CT scan done on her brain we found out on the 31 May she has 3 tumors on the brain. The one on the right side had 2 be operated on asap as it was putting pressure on her brain making her left side paralised. She was told she has 6 months minimum 2 live even with the operation. Since then i dont know how to feel or what to do. i am looking after mum to to come to relisation that she is not going to get better is killing me more than anything imagnable. Please someone help me i am scared and dont know what direction to go in.
Posted on 06/19/08, 09:06 am |
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I don't know if you could check with your local Hospice center. They are wonderful in helping you and the family and your Mom at this time. I know it sounds odd, but right now you are being given the chance to be there for your Mom, just let her know everything you would like her to. I did not have that chance with my husband and it hurts me so bad. I am sending my thoughts an d prayers for you at this most difficult time. Am here to listen Hugs, Alice 
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hello there Alice,
i would like to thank you for your honesty and you help during this time. it means the world to me knowing someone out there is willing to listen. i am sorry to hear about your husband and i do relise that everyday is a god bless. The mixed emotions you go though is so horrible and still partly been in denial is the worst. Everyday i wake up and think everything is going to be fine she is going to have kemo and radiation and everything is going to be better... she is going to get better.. But deep deep down things arnt going to get better..
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Yes, things are a roller coaster with this terrible diagnosis. However, did your oncologist give Mom any hope of any type of remission -- not cure, but maybe a year or so feeling better? If not, your local Hospice would be the most comfort to you and your family. Each cancer case is different. There are no two alike. There are many of us on DS who are here to listen to you and to help in any way we can. Hugs to you!
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Thank you for you reply. Well from the day i wrote this to today.. there is confusion between doctors and between our family. no-one sure that the six months was before the operation or not... so really we dont know how long she has left... she will be starting radiation next week.. so i guess that is a great start. I am so glad i have found this website as there is so many lovely people and also people like me going through the same thing that i can talk to... thank you for your support. :-)
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I also know exactly how you feel. My Mom is battling lung cancer and I do not believe I have ever been on such an emotional roller coaster! One day I'm thinking, "she's really going to beat this thing" and the next I'm thinking, "what am I going to do without my Mom?" My Mom refuses hospice as she associates it with death so we battle it alone...just she, me, and my step-Dad as none of the other family members are doing ANYTHING to help. Sorry, I went off topic there as I do from time to time from being so frustrated!
Just be there for your Mom as that's all that you can do. My Mom thanks me over and over and over for being there for her. She doesn't need to, but she does. AND some might not agree with me, but I don't like listening to the doctors when they put a time frame on things...my Mom has outlived her prognosis so your Mom won't go anywhere until God is ready for her! Hugs!
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Bubaloo, I just joined this website and I understand where you are coming from about being scared and not knowing what direction to go in because I am feeling the same way. My dad has stage 4 appendeceal cancer and he was supposed to have an operation 6/25, and they opened him up saw that there was now too much cancer to perform the operation. So, we were told to check into chemo but even with the chemo he has about a year at most to live. So, I too am devasted and partly in denial. I hope that things with your mom work out for the best with the radiation starting. -Kim
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