This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives, friends and caretakers of cancer patients. The purpose of this community is to help families and fr...
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Fear
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I dont know how to begin this post, I dont like to be long winded.. but ill try to get it out.
My family seems to have a history of cancer. Grandmother had breast cancer, grandfather died of lung cancer, my father died of lukemia and my mother has been diagnosed in the last year with lymphoma. I'm very afraid of cancer. Its a thought that I try to push out of my mind. But I cant because its all around me. I have so many worries, and I do what I can. Avoiding all kinds of chemicals, quit smoking, I eat a vegan diet (mostly), dont BBQ, etc etc. But I still fear it. I think about death way too often.. I worry about my mom, who is sick. I think she will not get better. I feel like if she died, well, I dont even know how to feel. Id be an orphan before im 25. Im very fearful. Also, Im afraid of relationships, and i find i distance myself from people because i dont want to watch people get sick and old and die and leave me anymore. I dont want to have to care for people and feel heartsick like when my dad was sick ever again. I think maybe i've gotten more numb to emotions than is healthy sometimes. At least, in the sense that I dont find myself able to get easily attached to anyone.. I think sometimes that if my family and friends all died, I wouldn't cry. And that scares the shit out of me. Am i becoming a sociopath? devoid of emotions? I dont think I want to be like that.. I still feel happy, and I get angry and i get sad.. but not over people.. just events, things, stuff. Now im rambling. Posted on 05/01/08, 08:05 am |
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I'm sooooo sorry. my grandpa has colon cancer and i am sometimes afraid 2. every other week we go and c him, and it is a little freaky how horribly quick the chemo and cancer are taking their tole on him...i hate everything that is happening to him.
u shouldn't be afraid. if u distance yourself like that, nothing good can come from it. i know it seems easier, and u r afraid, but you can't stear away from relationships like that. u have to face your fear, and not let an evil thing like cancer and death stop you. these are all a part of life. it is ok to be afraid, but u can't let it control you. Lots of love, ~Lauren~ 
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