This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives, friends and caretakers of cancer patients. The purpose of this community is to help families and fr...
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My mother
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I found this group because I need someone. The only family I basically have is my mother. - As a side note, I am pregnant with my first child, her first and only grandchild which makes all this even harder-
My mother has dealt with cancer for the past 13 years. She had breast cancer, double mastectomy, and a bone marrow transplant 13 yrs ago. 6 yrs ago, she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in her brain. She had surgery, and no follow up treatment. They said she would die. Two years after that, she got her next brain tumor (same site). She had another surgery, and then cyber knife (radiation). About a year or so after that she had another reoccurance, five tumors that time. She had half head radiation which shrank all tumor, and one was gone. Last year at this time, she had a weird spell- incoherent speech, extremely high blood pressure, etc. She walked out of the hospital, so we never found out what was going on. In August, she had another weird spell, followed by seizures in the ambulance and in the ER. She had a surgery the day after Thanksgiving to remove one of the tumor in her occipital lobe. Three more remain. We don't know if the remaining three can be radiated. My mother is not my mother anymore. She can't speak coherently. I think she knows what she is talking about 70% of the time. She has wild mood swings, lately she has taken to getting extremely angry, and taking it out of me and others around her. She has extreme weakness on the right side of her body (there since first BT, but WORSE since August). She falls, hits her head, refuses to go to the hospital, etc. I don't know how to handle it this time. I am pregnant. I work full time. I have a house I am working on. Now, my remaining family member is not herself. I want to hide. I don't know want to do. I started seeing a therapist. She brought up the issue of caring for my mother not only physically, but taking care of her finances as well. I just don't know at what point I need to make that decision. I don't know if my mom is just not allowing herself time to recover from surgery, or she is dying, or I don't know. How do you cope? How do you make decisions for someone when you feel like every decision would be wrong? How do you take care of yourself? I just don't know what to do. I want my mother to see her grandson. I want my mother to be able to know it is her grandson. I just don't see that happening at this rate, either. And then, I am going to be alone to raise my child. Who is going to give me advice on how to raise my child? I am loosing my mother, and I am scared. Posted on 12/27/07, 11:12 pm |
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it is scary to know that at some point we will lose are loved one's, and the weakness on her one side could be from a mild strok from either one of the surgery's or from her fall, cancer patient's do get combative at time cause they know there is something wrong and dont know themselve's how or what to do, u'r mom already know's she has a grandson, she will always be with u whispering in u'r ear as u'r son grows up and u will know how to raise u'r son cause look what u have leanred from u'r mom.......if u ever want to talk i'm here 
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I think you're a remarkable, amazing, talented, smart driven mother-to-be who will, no matter what the near future holds, have the answers, the ability, strength and determination to make the future bright and successful for you and your baby! You're more equipped and capable than you give yourself credit for. I can only imagine how difficult all of this has been for you, however you did it, you're still standing, stronger than you think, I can see your abilities and strength through your writing. I hope you see that in yourself soon. Wishing you all the best for 2008. Muriel
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This may be sensitive and difficult to do, but try to get Power of Attorney for your mother's finances and affairs. Also, get an advanced directive so you know her wishes. If you don't know if she wants burial or cremation, ask as part of the advanced directive questions (it's not included). My daughter was unwilling to accept that she was teminal, and was relunctant to sign anything, but eventually the time was right and she agreed. I just had to approach it without emphasizing that she was dying. We are here as much as you need us. This forum has been extremely helpful to me.
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I actually have power or attorney and the advanced directives, her wishes, etc... One good part of having cancer for 14 years, my mother made sure most of her affairs are in order. I did find out however, the PoA does not cover if my mother becomes mentally unable to care for herself. I apparently have to go to a judge and petition for a conservatorship, which may or may not be granted. I just don't know at what point do you decide to take away a person's rights to care for themselves.
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i think you are a wonderful person. i think you will be a great mother and you will cope just fine. its just going to take awhile to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My mum was diognosed with kidney cancer and 5 days after her operation she was not getting any better with weakness on her left side. we found out she has 3 brain tumors and one had to be operated on asap as it was making her left side go paralised and it was putting to much pressure on her brain. At the moment i am going through so many emotions just like you and dont know how you are going to cope. I think you should take over your mums finances as someone has to as i will when my mum gets to ill to do it anymore. please also make sure she has a will because the state can take over and they decide who gets what. Please remember one thing... Never think what if.. what if i did this or this because you have done everything in your power to do what you can and now it is out of your control. Your mother is so proud of you and always will. She also knows she has a grandchild and she will be so proud of him because any grandmother would. so please dont be down i know its hard but i think you are so strong in dealing with what you are dealing with. if you ever need me let me know. i will be here for you.
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