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When the manipulation doesn't work -Rage
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It's still amazing to me how this man I loved and lived with for 6 years can rewrite our history together.
I was getting exhausted by his email begging me to come home. Professing his enternal love, how he's changed to "the good Dan" (his words). He showed up at my daughter's home again and my son in law had to go out and tell him no more.
I emailed him a final, very long email stating he had to let me go, that I wasn't returning. I could forgive but love has to have trust.
His first reply was how he will always love me how he's really changed. The last one was to tell me he's going to court and will sue me, raging and raging. His vocabulary became so bad you coluld barley understand what he was saying.
He has no money to try and bring this to court. He knows know I will not continue to pay part of a mortgage on a house I haven't lived in since March. He's back up against a wall and hates that he has no control.
Thank God I have family and friends that give me so much support and love.
Posted on 09/30/08, 10:09 pm
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Email me when others reply to this topic help
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Reply #1 - 10/01/08  12:49am
" I don't have much to add, but I really wanted to say that I'm proud of you Duvall. I know how hard it can be to get up when you've knocked down so many times you get used to it. You're a great example to people on this site. Onward! "
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Reply #2 - 10/01/08  2:23am
" I totally agree with Kuup37, you are a great example and its great to see someone strong enough to pursue whats good for them instead of whats good for our BP partners. I know we didnt ask to be in this situation nor did they naturally but it effects us sooo much that eventually all we do is live with all the hurt, pain & mistrust they leave us to deal with & we never really seem to have complete happiness in our days coz we are always worried what will happen next. Im going onto your path soon. Proud of you & stay strong & its great to see you have great support as it means the world when we are in this position. Gd luck & hugs to you. "
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Reply #3 - 10/01/08  5:04am
" I wish you all the best. Stay strong....thanks for sharing your journey with us. (smile) "
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Reply #4 - 10/01/08  9:10am
" Duvall.. you are absolutly doing the right thing. I'd recommend you get separation paperwork submitted (if not actual filing for divorce), maybe try and mitigate the financial impact on you that may/will occur with not helping him to pay the mortgage. It is what it is, and if it has to go to forclosure, so be it.. however, if you can get official paperwork submitted it might help in the future.

Stay strong and know you are doing the best thing for you, and for him as well.. maybe it'll be the push he needs to hit bottom and get the help he needs. We're here for you and support you 100%! "
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Reply #5 - 10/01/08  9:36am
" Bravo!! You are setting your boundaries and sticking to them. As the others have already stated, what a great example you have set for ALL of us! "
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Reply #6 - 10/01/08  6:13pm
" You know how proud of you I am. You are so strong. I hope I can follow through with the divorce. It looks like soon it will be the EX-spouses of BP. Not at all what any of us was looking for. "
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Reply #7 - 10/01/08  6:43pm
" I will be so happy when I can finally have this behind me. You guys are so much a part of my recovery!
I had a voicemail from him today telling me his internet would be down for a few days if I was trying to reply to his messages.
He said he called our real estate agent and was going to put the house back on the market. But he didn't want our agent (my ex- brother in law) to be involved with our division of the proceeds. He wouldn't anyway, it would go into Escrow and Dan and I would have a greement from than. He asked if I would just call him to discuss. Which I will not as I know that engaging would only give him the opportunity to try and wear me down.
He hoped I was well, love me and knew that I was OK because I had my family.
You know, if a outside person would hear his message they would think how understanding and loving he is, with only my best interest at heart.
But I know from the past that it's manipulation just like every time before.
I'm really beginning to let go! And it is giving me such peace, even knowing that I have a very long road ahead. "
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Reply #8 - 10/01/08  7:39pm
" Honestly I wish I could be like you. I am very jealous. I just want to be happy. It has been almost 2 1/2 yrs since I have been happy. Thats when he 1st got sick. There would be a day here or there but it wasnt Happy happy. Then we have the 1yr 3 weeks of pure hell and counting. Wish I knew how long it would be til I can wake up and not be sad anymore. "
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Reply #9 - 10/01/08  8:08pm
" Happy... when it's time, you'll make the decision that's best for you. I was jeolous of women for years.. I'd see someone who's husband had just died or who'd gotten divorced and say, "I wish I were them." "why can't I do that."
My best friend and I would talk and she'd give advice to me.. and she'd say things like, "you have to come to this decision in your own time."
It's ok that you haven't done it yet. You are not a failure, or a bad mom for not having made some sort of move. It'll happen when it's time for it to happen.
What ever decision you make, once you make it, you'll feel almost immediately better.. you need to empower yourself. Even the decision to stay, confront him, cause change will give you that.
Give yourself credit for what you are doing now... you're surviving, you're taking care of your kids.
Making the appt with the lawyer is huge! You are doing the best you can. I'm proud of you! "
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