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Is it all a lie?
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Now that I know he is BP and all the "things" that go along with it. I'm wondering how much of our 3 year relationship and 2 year marriage is lies.
I wonder this because of a situation that happened in December. I found a naked picture of his ex girlfriend's "downstairs" attached to her phone number on his phone. Of course I confronted him about his and about an hour after I went off he finally came up with an excuse why it was there. I say an excuse, because I'm not sure if it was the truth. It seemed more like an "if I say this she'll believe me". I knew that they had been talking because I always check our phone bills to make sure we aren't getting charged for random things and for some reason I just really like looking at it (I'm a receipt checker also!). There were texts at 2 am and when I confronted him about that, he said that there was no way he could have done that, he was sleeping. Well I know for a fact that for awhile there he would go sleep on the couch because the dog and I were snoring too much. Now I know he was texting her. After all this happened he still continued to talk to her, in fact the Monday after I found this picture he calls me from work to tell me that he had talked to her about the situation and yes I had the right to be mad. Well, duh!! Well he has stopped talking to her (at least via text messaging), except for recently when she told him he is getting married and wants him to be involved in the wedding somehow. Am I totally off base by not wanting to go? And will I ever know if anything he tells me is the truth? I feel like I've been duped and not sure if I really know the truth. He's really good at "playing". Posted on 04/10/08, 02:04 pm |
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My father is bipolar and not too long ago he starting searching and wanting to talk to an ex girlfriend or what not. Mind you he and my mom are still married. He would tell her about it and everything. He was telling this "ex" all sorts of lies about the marriage, his life and family. He made himself out to be this wonderful guy. In the mean while he was tearing my mom apart. The ex didn't want anything to do with my dad. I think the lies are something BP people do and its hard. I know its a hard life to be with someone like that I do but you can do better I mean he is talking to this person, has naked pictures and is going to be involved in her wedding. I mean it seems there is more to the picture than he is telling you. I wouldn't go to the wedding but I would do some more investigating because his story doesn't add up to me. I have seen my mom go through this and my dad BP behavior my whole like and you do not this to affect your child so be strong and get to the bottom of this so called " ex girlfriend." 
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My mum always goes back to her past when manic, this means she always gets in touch with a boyfriend she had in her early twenties who she then got back together with for 8 years in her mid thirties.
She convinces herself that he wants to be with her and I have to write to him and warn him that she is manic again and could turn up at his house. She also while manic goes back to a place she used to live with my dad on the coast, this was when i was a baby and where she had her first episode, she even got as far as getting to visit with my godmothers father (who was very pleasant, but old and scared) who she had not ever met!!! It is a strange thing, this linking to past events and trying in a way to relive them, I don't understand why. I would say neither of you should go to the wedding, maybe you should get in touch with his ex and tell her he is not well right now?
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Thank you both for your replies!
Highexpect-I also think there is more to the story then I'm being told. Every time he mentions her my stomach goes into knots. I don't get that feeling when he talks about any of his other ex's (course he doesn't still talk to any of them). She's always called him for something and his excuse of why he still has her number is so that he can ignore her. All though when the picture thing came up he said that the only reason he had been talking to her was because our relationship was not going well (oblivious to me) and he needed a "friend". So he figured that since she knew him so well, she'd be a good friend to talk to. She lives a couple of hours away and I'm not sure what else I can find out about her. I've talked to his mom about her and her distaste for her is more than mine! I just know I don't have the whole truth and I have a feeling I'll never get it. Jadzia-Thanks for the advice, but I don't think she'll care that he's not "well" and not sure I even want to talk to her. Might turn into an even worse situation.
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Yes a lot of bp's think there are problems in the relationship when there really isn't. My husband thinks that too, every time he has a mania. He thinks that's the reason he gets with other women--cuz we have problems. When he's out of it he realizes it's not true. But when he's in a mania he really believes what he's saying. Sounds like that's what's going on with your husband.
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I wouldnt have been able to answer this yesterday, but I just got duped also. My BP husband has been telling me how he has no food and how hungry hes been all week, (he lives in L.A. during the week or I guess soon to be permanent if he files like he wants to). So here I am all last week and weekend feeling bad for him and found out he spent over 300. at the market and went out for sushi. He did all this last week. What was the purpose of lying to me about food. I'm still learning about BP and probably always will be, but why do they lie about everything. I mean is it to try and see if they can get away with stuff. Sorry I know it went off topic but I just will never understand the lying and when they get caught the more lying!!! UURRGGGG!!!!
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Hurting- I sooo understand!! I've caught my hubby in lies, with proof and his response is always another lie. I'm surprised at times that he can keep them all straight. It is so frustrating and I don't understand it either.
HUGS!!!
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Take a look at my journal, I have a post in there about lying. You may also want to check out the spouses of BP group.
I wouldn't want to go to the wedding either, but then I'd think about how the two of them would both be there and it would bother me, so I'd go. Not sure that makes sense, but it's what I'd do. With my BF there are some things I know are the truth, and some things I don't know. I just try to not get bitter towards him when he does lie. We've dealt with lies and with IMing "friends." I can relate to the stomach being in knots when hearing him talk about her; been there, still deal with it sometimes. All I can really say to you is know you're not alone. We're here to listen.
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