This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help ...
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Therapists
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Wrote this on the Spouses board but only got 2 answers so thought I would try on here because I am really curious about this.
Thanks I have had nothing but problems with my husbands ex therapist. At first she would talk to me and then after we had a joint session she refused to talk to me. He started going to her when I was sick and I was seeing her co-worker. I thought he should go back to the same therapist so she had back ground. It was a nightmare. She only remembered the sick me so she blamed all his problems on me. Right in front of me she said that our marriage could not be saved and that living together would be a waste. She said so many things to us that it blew me away. She was suppose to help him realize things on his own not suggest for him to do things.This is a therapist. She then told him and mind u this part is from him but she did somewhat say it to me also, that he should do what makes him happy even if included leaving his family. WTF. She didnt even try to show him he had some responsibility to his family. Forget me, but he has kids. I called her several times to ask her to call his pdoc as he had quit seeing her and she did not know he was manic. I figured she wont talk to me so maybe she would call his pdoc. Nope, she never called him. All I know is that he came home told me that she said that I was a control freak and always will be and from what she remembered of me, that I would never change. If I do get a divorce and it ends up nasty, boy will I drag her into court and rip her apart. BTW her and her husband do not live together so she didn't think it was a big thing that My husband just got up and left one day and didnt come back. She thinks that marriages work just fine weather you live together or not. Oh she doesnt have kids. Guess that could make a difference. I bet if she did she wouldnt think it was o.k. for daddy to live somewhere else!! Anybody else have bad therapist stories, or even good ones that will give me hope that there are good ones out there!!! Posted on 05/16/08, 10:05 am |
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I'll say this. My first two 'entanglements' with my wife's and my therapists were part of the reasons for my divorce. Only now have we realized the importance of having a therapist that is certified in working with bipolar disorder. The money doesn't matter. It's worth it's weight in gold. Someone who has bipolar, or at least in this specific instance, my wife, who was untreated and undiagnosed can create chaos within themselves, make you out to be the bad person, and not even know what they're doing. The first therapist(and I use that term lightly) immediately told her she needed a separation and to get out of this marriage asap. I begged and pleaded and got her in with mine at the time and she had her wrapped around her pinkie by the time I had arrived. Mine just shook her head and said 'There's nothing I can do for you if she feels this way'. IF THEY KNEW WHAT BP WAS, MAYBE THEY COULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! Friggin' monkeys with a shiny piece of paper.
All in all, BP is something that you need the right meds and therapy with a QUALIFIED individual is a must. Check out David Oliver's stuff online. He lets you know how to find a good BP therapist in your area and gives free email advice. Good luck. 
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We must have been to the same therapist. Either that or they all go to school together. Is the therapist u see a BP one also?
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My therapist is not a BP one, but she understands it well. She and I have differing viewpoints on what I should do, but I made it clear that this is what I want & she helps me through my rough spots.
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A therapist should never imply that ALL problems are one persons fault. Even if one person is instigating problems, it always takes 2 to tango. There is culpability on the part of the "non-offending" partner too, in the sense that if they dont speak up for themselves, or keep putting up with crap, that is contributing to problems getting bigger.
Your comment about being called a control freak reminds me of Buildits recent comment about being told he was controlling... duh! when you are in a relationship where the other person is out of control in some way (emotionally, financially, drinking, drugs, etc.), it is pretty normal to attempt to have some control. Now, of course, its important to learn that you can only control yourself, not someone else. But that is exactly why people go to marriage counseling... so they can both learn better skills from an unbiased professional. I have had a couple of wack jobs that I realized right away were not a good fit for me, or for my daughter. I have also had some fabulous therapists. The one my daughter (and sometimes I) see, she has been seeing for 5 years, on and off, as needed. This guy is perfect for US. Her BF started to see him too, but Steve (therapist) realized it was too complicated to have all of us, also, he recommended the BF needed a therapist who specializes in substance abuse issues. I was so happy that Steve was the one to give the BF the boot, because I was afraid I would have to give up the therapist for the BFs sake. So, don't give up on therapists. They are not all created equal. Now, actual psychiatrists... they are a strange lot.
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I actually found a great pdoc. He was also my husbands. For 3 yrs we have been with him and then Manic took over and now my husband does nothing but say he is a horrible dr. putting people on meds. Yes I know this is the BP talking.
I had a great therapist. She actually was partners with my husbands crazy one. He started seeing her, the crazy one, after I suggested that while I was sick he needed to talk to someone as i was hurting him and couldnt control it. I wanted to make sure he was able to be heard and vent. He lied to her so she said nothing wrong with you, (this is the same one he just used). Anyway my therapist moved away 2yrs ago. She was great. Never made me feel like I was all at fault. Helped me find away to show my family how truley sorry i was and encouraged me to get back on track with my life. Not once did she ever tell me that I should leave my husband as I hurt him so bad. She never told me what to do. She showed me how to see what I wanted to do with my life. If she thought it wasnt a good choice she would have me think about what would happen if i took that path. I guess I need to go to Texas where she is. In Vegas it is so hard to find a good therapist. i have seen 3 others and did not click with them. Plus they made me feel like a number. I want to be treated as a person not a paycheck. On another note, my daughters meltdowns have gotten so bad and frequent that I talked to her yesterday about seeing a dr. she could talk to about being sad and angry. She was so happy. She said she didnt want to be sad and angry anymore. Imagine a 9 yr old knows when to go get help but not a 39yr old!!!! I hope I find a good one for her, and for me. Dont think I can do this to much longer. Everyday he seems to find another way to hurt us.
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